No expression crossed Amalia's face as she watched her friend turn around, with a keen eye she watched every little movement Leia made.
Amalia watched and identified the troubled expression that slowly crept its way onto Leia's face. She watched as Leia's eyes filled with silent tears. Yet all the while, Amalia face gave away nothing.
It was the next set of motions that Amalia watched most. Such slow, careful deliberate movements, movements that, for some reason, tore Amalia up inside.
At any other time, Amalia would have been happy to receive a hug from her friend, but not then and there.
Why?
Because such a hug as the one Leia had just given her had been filled with uncertainty, and hesitation.
Amalia knew, and felt, that perhaps Leia had not meant for such a warm gesture to turn out that way, but that instead, it was the best that Leia could give for now, even if it had been filled with uncertainty.
Leia's words had long entered Amalia's mind by now, but Amalia had not managed to present a response just yet. She was too busy wrestling with her own unsettling thoughts.
I do not know what I've done wrong. She does not think that I'm here, nor does she think that I have been here. She asks me to be there...I've always been there. So many times I have looked at her, wishing she would talk to me.
I see it in her eyes, it is there, but what I see in her eyes just simply is not enough for me to understand.
I hear the words she tells me now, but I've heard them before, too. We've had this conversation before. If it concerned myself or her, we've already had this conversation.
None of my words ever bared repeating, yet foolishly, and so wastefully, I did repeat myself. I did it because I believed that somehow, someway, I could have the ability to change things for the better....Because I thought that with somehow doing so, it would make our friendship grow. Instead, through my intentions, I've somehow allowed our friendship to become just the opposite.
Amalia's eyes had met Leia's gaze and had remained there for quite a few minutes now, nothing there but silence. It was Amalia's place to break the silence, but she could not.
Slowly, her gaze fell away from Leia's and she turned the opposite way,(but not before acknowledging Leia with a thoughtful nod) leaning against the kitchen doorway, if just to think.
...I'm afraid...She and I are not well with one another, we have not been for some time. It's so..odd to me..because there should be no reason for us to have grown apart. I do not know what to say or what to do anymore....
For what seemed like forever, but had only been a few minutes, Amalia finally turned around to face Leia once more. Amalia did not fail to lock eyes again with her friend.
Growing up, I've never had anyone but my family, that's all I've ever really known. I had friends, yes, but never anyone I could call my best friend. Never anyone I could put my complete trust in. I never expected to find that in someone, either. I did though, slowly, in you.
I...I don't exactly know how to do this. I thought I did, but apparently, I don't. I never thought that I could make a best friend, it's easy to make a friend, but not a best friend.
There is nothing more that I can say, nothing that I already have not said. There is something missing though, something I just can't find, but I know it's missing, or else we still would not be here...we'd be past this by now....
Amalia took in a breath, her shoulders relaxing as she let the breath out. She spoke out loud this time.
"I may not have the best intentions of showing that I care, and I may seem like I am not there when you look for me, but I.."
She paused, reflecting, making sure she had said it the way she had wanted to, and then continued.
"...I am here. I'm always there. If you call for me, I'm going to be there. It does not matter if we're going through hard times like we are now, I'll still be here. This friendship is worth something to me, and I don't care if times are difficult, walking away and giving up on our friendship is not an option for me. Neither of us deserve that, not after all we've been through together."
Amalia slowly made her way to stand by the counter, stopping to face Leia.
"I have said all I can, I have nothing more that I could possibly say. There are no more words. Now it is all up to you, you must decide what you want. Before you make your choice, think about our friendship...and what it means to you. This choice...you will need to search your feelings, there is no other way around it, it is impossible any other way. I do not know if that makes sense, but I know it to be true, because I had to do it when I gave my spirit and mind to you. I had to search my feelings when I was deciding, and I had to think for a long time, I don't regret the choice I made. If you can find some other way of making your choice, then so be it, and I was wrong to assume that you could find it in the way I suggested..."
Without notice, Amalia turned and began to walk to the front doorway.
I'm not leaving, but personally, I feel my presence will be of no help to you right now. You need this time alone, and if I stay, I feel that I may push you away even more. So when, and if you're ready to speak with me again, just reach out for me, call to me, and I will be there...
With that, the Jedi slowly exited Leia's quarters. leaving Leia alone, but not forgot about.
Amalia watched and identified the troubled expression that slowly crept its way onto Leia's face. She watched as Leia's eyes filled with silent tears. Yet all the while, Amalia face gave away nothing.
It was the next set of motions that Amalia watched most. Such slow, careful deliberate movements, movements that, for some reason, tore Amalia up inside.
At any other time, Amalia would have been happy to receive a hug from her friend, but not then and there.
Why?
Because such a hug as the one Leia had just given her had been filled with uncertainty, and hesitation.
Amalia knew, and felt, that perhaps Leia had not meant for such a warm gesture to turn out that way, but that instead, it was the best that Leia could give for now, even if it had been filled with uncertainty.
Leia's words had long entered Amalia's mind by now, but Amalia had not managed to present a response just yet. She was too busy wrestling with her own unsettling thoughts.
I do not know what I've done wrong. She does not think that I'm here, nor does she think that I have been here. She asks me to be there...I've always been there. So many times I have looked at her, wishing she would talk to me.
I see it in her eyes, it is there, but what I see in her eyes just simply is not enough for me to understand.
I hear the words she tells me now, but I've heard them before, too. We've had this conversation before. If it concerned myself or her, we've already had this conversation.
None of my words ever bared repeating, yet foolishly, and so wastefully, I did repeat myself. I did it because I believed that somehow, someway, I could have the ability to change things for the better....Because I thought that with somehow doing so, it would make our friendship grow. Instead, through my intentions, I've somehow allowed our friendship to become just the opposite.
Amalia's eyes had met Leia's gaze and had remained there for quite a few minutes now, nothing there but silence. It was Amalia's place to break the silence, but she could not.
Slowly, her gaze fell away from Leia's and she turned the opposite way,(but not before acknowledging Leia with a thoughtful nod) leaning against the kitchen doorway, if just to think.
...I'm afraid...She and I are not well with one another, we have not been for some time. It's so..odd to me..because there should be no reason for us to have grown apart. I do not know what to say or what to do anymore....
For what seemed like forever, but had only been a few minutes, Amalia finally turned around to face Leia once more. Amalia did not fail to lock eyes again with her friend.
Growing up, I've never had anyone but my family, that's all I've ever really known. I had friends, yes, but never anyone I could call my best friend. Never anyone I could put my complete trust in. I never expected to find that in someone, either. I did though, slowly, in you.
I...I don't exactly know how to do this. I thought I did, but apparently, I don't. I never thought that I could make a best friend, it's easy to make a friend, but not a best friend.
There is nothing more that I can say, nothing that I already have not said. There is something missing though, something I just can't find, but I know it's missing, or else we still would not be here...we'd be past this by now....
Amalia took in a breath, her shoulders relaxing as she let the breath out. She spoke out loud this time.
"I may not have the best intentions of showing that I care, and I may seem like I am not there when you look for me, but I.."
She paused, reflecting, making sure she had said it the way she had wanted to, and then continued.
"...I am here. I'm always there. If you call for me, I'm going to be there. It does not matter if we're going through hard times like we are now, I'll still be here. This friendship is worth something to me, and I don't care if times are difficult, walking away and giving up on our friendship is not an option for me. Neither of us deserve that, not after all we've been through together."
Amalia slowly made her way to stand by the counter, stopping to face Leia.
"I have said all I can, I have nothing more that I could possibly say. There are no more words. Now it is all up to you, you must decide what you want. Before you make your choice, think about our friendship...and what it means to you. This choice...you will need to search your feelings, there is no other way around it, it is impossible any other way. I do not know if that makes sense, but I know it to be true, because I had to do it when I gave my spirit and mind to you. I had to search my feelings when I was deciding, and I had to think for a long time, I don't regret the choice I made. If you can find some other way of making your choice, then so be it, and I was wrong to assume that you could find it in the way I suggested..."
Without notice, Amalia turned and began to walk to the front doorway.
I'm not leaving, but personally, I feel my presence will be of no help to you right now. You need this time alone, and if I stay, I feel that I may push you away even more. So when, and if you're ready to speak with me again, just reach out for me, call to me, and I will be there...
With that, the Jedi slowly exited Leia's quarters. leaving Leia alone, but not forgot about.
