TARGET, Azguards' national explorers league, Had been sending ships out to the far reaches of the galaxy for some time now. One day, one of their explorers (Karnam Fradvick) Encountered a nice creature at a space Port. He was very tall, about three meters. He was also covered in brown fur and had black eyes. His legs were backwards, making it look like their knees are on the wrong side. THey have whiskers, a muzzle, and an exra elbo on each arm.

But the most unusual thing that Karnam had found out about these creatures is that they have no homeworld. The evil, loathsome, despicable, bad, not well liked, cruel, etc, Empire bombed it to oblivion.

"Since then" He had said "Our race has started to die out."

So when Azguard heard of their plight, they started the FROZIAN RELOCATION OPERATION.

After the Battle Of Mon Calamari (Which we won, Yay!) the Military fleet of Azguard was kept permenantly around orbit. But the civilian populice responded with much kindness. They were sent across the galaxy, seeking out these lone, lost Frozians, and inviting them to come to Azguard, where the govermnent would prepare a huge project where they would find the Frozians a new world.

Although some did not wish to, many flocked to Azguard, more infact then Azguard had excpected. Both both races are roughly the same height, so they got along O.K.

Then a large research project was established, where trained doctors and scientists studied the Frozian Frame.

Indeed, they were poorly articulated, but their brains were stronger then that of most species.

During the research, one of the scientists, Furlong Bartenby, noticed something peculiar.

"Not one of them is below the age of twenty!"

It was true. THey were all older then Twenty, but the majority were around that age. As the maturity and lifespan of a Frozian is similar to that of a human, it was quite disturbing.

When approached about this strange phenominon, the Frozians were embarrassed, until finally one told them.

"Uh, ever since our world was destroyed, the, uh, gravity, and lack of certain plant life, has caused, well, sterility."

So that was why they were dying out. They were sterile, and this was their last generation. With this information out, people swamped the main office with donations and gifts, money and... Home made remedies *Shudder*

Anyways, the Govermnent panicked. They were just trying to relocate some people, they didn't want to have to delv into some horrifiing medical phenominon.

There was only one thing for it, they would have to double their research. Scientists raced thither and yon, researching worlds, studying charts, pointing at bits of string, hopping on one foot, making little clucking noises, playing saturday night fever, and the like.

But all of this effort from the nations' scientific comunity was for nought. The description of their world was a tiny little sphere, covered in lush forests and little plants. The greatest members of the Scientific world got together.

"This is getting us nowhere" Said the big, dignified proffesor, Shlump. "We need to find more worlds"

Admiral Freewater thought for a second "Could we solve it by blowing something up?"

The Scientists sighed, "No Mr. Freewater, blowing up something would not help"

"Well what if we tried to change their DNA structure?" Suggested Doctor Yiffin, famed scientist.

There was a murmur of agreement, that sounded rather scientific, and was sure to get them a grant for the next few years, where they could lounge on beaches, eat sandwiches, and then say "Inconclusive".

"You're all wrong!" said a diminuitive voice. The scientists looked down into the determined eyes of doctor Fralginway, who was only a meter and a half tall.

Yiffin sighed "We've heard your theory, and it sounds nice, but honestly, how scientific is it? Some thick-headed moron sitting around at home writing little stories on his home computer about aliens could have come up with that."

The others aggreed. They may be unsure, but they had their dignity.

"Oh come off it, you old buffon. You know I'm right, admit to it!" His theory was, simply, that the Ice World Hurok was indeed once a tropical paridise. But the patterns of a far off comet suggests that it had once passed near Hurok and changed its' orbit, making it a frozen Ice Ball. But due to the famous "layers" of Hurok, it is believed that in some of the lower layers of the planet could be found regions that are still paradise. And of course the world is pretty small, so it has low gravity.

But there was another problem with Hurok. It was a very vital square in a Game of Azguard Chess, which is like normal chess except you have millions of computer-generated pieces which you give orders to on a realistic virtual battlefield. The Azguard mind is not very good at abstract. Hurok was currently held by the Furen. The Furen are a subspecies of Azguard. They are brutish, cruel, and own four planets; Hephastus, Renzokain, Graks, and Hurok. They also had a substantial military force and a fleet of several warships.

Although the Azguards deeply wished to help the Frozians, they weren't ready to fight another battle against the Furen, not now.

"Its' the ONLY WAY" said Fralginway. "I'm prepared to go to the world myself and find out. I propse a race around the world in eighty days to decide whether we shall indeed follow my theory."

---{one race around the world later}---

"Alright" Panted Shlump "You win. We'll go to Hurok and find out."

So now, the expedition was packed and the four Greatest scientific/Militiristic minds of Azguard would discover the truth about Hurok and...

WHAT LIES BENEATH!

So the Four great minds; Freewater, Shlump, Yiffin and Fralginway, set off to Hurok to discover the truth. They stocked up on medical supplies, food, weapons, radars, flashing lights, ping-pong balls, shoes, double-A batteries, and boxes of lint.

Once they had it all packed, the goverment smiled upon the project and declared it good. They were authorized to go freely to Hurok.

"Right" said Shlump "Whos' got a ship?"

"What?" Said Yiffin "We havn't got a ship? But I thought Freewater had one"

Freewater frowned "Hey don't look at me, all you scientist guys have been sucking up the govermnent funding lately."

Fralginway sighed, not for the last time "Oh alright, we'll use my ship."

So they went to Fralginways' estate. Though small in stature he was definetly rich in... uh... riches. His estate spread through many acres of mountains. But on Azguard, thats' not all that impressive. Anyone can buy a mountain, there' are more mountains on the world then there are people. But even still.

He packed up, locked up, and everyone got into his shuttle. It took off straight up towards the atmosphere and left Azguard. Soon it was rocketing to space. It kicked in full throttle and aimed for Hurok.

It took some time, and Shlump and Freewaters' constant bickering on who, infact had out their finger across the line didn't help things. But even so, they could soon see Hurok, glistening in its' icy ice-ness.

There was a small Furen fleet around Hurok. It consisted of two Carracks and at least eighty long-range Tie Defenders. They swept the area, seeking out those who might try to sneek in.

But the Furen are no good at that stuff, so they slipped onto the plaets' surface easily. It was not long until they were stealthily hiding his ship under a large lump of snow, and so they did not forget it, they stuck a big red and black Azguard flag on top.

"The hole to the first layer should be right... around... here..." Said Shlump. He stopped, because a large hole had just been found by Yiffin, to be precise he fell through it.

They climbed through, and found a-

-frozen wasteland, like before.

"Wait!" said Fralginwat "By my readings, this is slightly more tropical and paradise like then the above layer, my theory is right!"

And to prove it he held for this Paradise-o-meter, which had raised ever so slightly.

So they had a mission; to seek out the deepest dephs of this foul world, and discover a home for the Frozians.

The four intrepid, or maybe just dumb, adventurers rn across the secondary tundra. Huge belts of ice and snow expanded for as far as the eye could see. They followed the scanner across this land until...

"Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right,-"

"Will you SHUT UP mister Freewater?" Said Yiffin "Your presence so far has been utterly useless. Honestly, why did we even bother to bring you?"

Mr Freewater began to cry.

"You big bully!"

Proffesor Shlump sighed and tentativly patted the general on the back. "There there, pay no attention to the bad man. Mr. Yiffin, say you're sorry"

Yiffin sighed in turn. "Sorry"

"There, all better, now stop sucking your thumb and lets' get going."

Fralginway took a gulp of brandy to calm his irritaited nerves. Why did he have to go with these idio-

"Hey! Don't hog it all!" Said Yiffin as he made a grab for the brandy.

Shlump pushed up his glasses and said "Did you bring enough for everyone? Hm? I didn't think so!"

*Sigh* "Lets' hurry up"

Eventually they found the next crack. It was warmer down the Next layer, warmer still then the one above that, but you knew that, didn't you? You know it all omnipotent reader, who doesn't even bloody exist! I could say fish and you'd never notice!

They found the snow melte4d in places, and there was far less ice.

'We're getting close. Soon we shall discover-"

Wham! A snowball hit Fralginway mid-sentance, and the force knocked him sideways. He lifetd himself up angrily and scanned his friends' faces, the picture of highly suscpicious innocence. He turned again, and quickly ducked as three snowballs whizzed overhead.

"STOP THAT!" He roared at them. But as he did, one got him in the back of the head.

"I Said-" Wait a minute, I'm looking at them, yet I was hit from behind, thus meaning-

He turned, very slowly.

Behind him stood a very shaggy, very white, very well-clawed and toothed (As in he was in possession of a very large and functioning set) Biped thing. It smiled and threw another snowball with bullet force, that singed his hair-well, if he had hair, Azguard are all balled- Well, women arn't, but men are-Well, they have hair but just not on their heads- I think I'll stop While I'm ahead...

The four stared at him, he stared back.

"Well thats' weird..."

The team wandered deeper into the second layer, guided by the being.

“Me Kraum” Said the being.

“And what are you Kraum?” Said Yiffin.

This greatly distressed poor Kraum, who said “Me already said… Me Kraum”

“No, he means what species” Clarified Shlump.

“Should I shoot him? Asked Freewater as he unholstered a huge-ass gun.

“Nooo!” Shouted the others.

They followed him for some time, until he lead them to his home. It was on a level between “Cold” and “Not cold” Which they named “Tepid”. His home was a cave, large but well kept. Inside was an assortment of kitchen utensils; forks, knives, snowshoes, gerbils, onions, Rasputin, and the like. He also had a large wooden table and bed.

The four sat on his bed, which easily accommodated them. He served up a hearty stew made of… Stuff… You know… Stuff which stews are made of.

“So, Kraum, are there any other… What are you all called again?”

“Me” said Kraum. “We all called Me.”

Fralginway looked perplexed. “Do you mean you are all called Kraum or that you are all called Me?”

Kraum looked confused, something which happened very often.

“Uh… Me Kraum…”

“Never mind, we’ll get back to that” Said Shlump. “How do you know basic?”

“Me learn basic through handy mail-in kit.” Said Kraum. He then took out a little black box with a booking it. It said “How to learn Basic in three days or your money back (Minus shipping and handling, tax, and the actual book price)”.

“Who… Who gave you this?” Said Yiffin. He was distraught, this was the same book that the Azguards had used to learn Basic in the past.

Shlump picked up the book. They had gotten a copy from space merchants twelve years ago, so that they could decode the complexe computer codes on the first starship ever to crash land into their moon.

"Kraum" He said "Where did you get this?"

"Kraum get book from man called..." His brow furrowed. "Uh... Not Kraum."

Frelgrin sighed "So his name was something other then Kraum?"

"Uh... Yeah"

Kraum looked at a small pile of rocks in the corner and leapt to his feet.

"Oh no! Kraum going to be late!"

Kraum started running. The four watched his retreat with confusion. Soon Frelgrin followed him, then Yiffin, then Shlump, and after awhile Freewater.

Kraum had left his cave, and now they could see other Kraum-like beings running across the land. They were all speaking in the same simplified version of Basic, and all bumbled along.

The four were perplexed-well, except for Freewater, he had found a shiny object and was therefore happy.

Soon they saw where all the Kraum-or Me-were going. A large obalisk sat ontop of a hill, and they were gathering to it. Yiffin looked up, only to see to his surprise a large Kraum-shaped hole in the first layered section directly above the Obalisk.

A Kraum with a big hat stood holding a purple leather book over his head, as the others bowed to it.

"We, da Kraum, speak to de... uh..." The speaker paused, his brow furrowed "God guy ting, to pass our wordses to da Messyah"

The other Kraum intoned "Yeah, Da Messyah!"

"We, Da kraum, you know, us guys, are all good an' happy, and hope you come back soon, because if you do we give you a big present. Oh, and we met some nice gray tings too."

"Hail da Messyah!"

There was a rumble, loud and clear, which boomed across the proceedings.

The Kraum burst into hysterics "Its' him!" They cried, as they hurried about bringing small packages wrapped in brown paper.

The rumbling was soon explained by the descent of a large metal vessel, about sixty meters in length. It was marked with the symbols of the Furen, the eternal enemies of the Azguards.

"Should I shoot them?" Said Freewater, who was already unholstering a huge gun.

"No!" The others cried, who yanked the gun out of his hands.

The ship landed over the Kraum-shaped hole, and a metal ladder began to descend.

The Kraum that had guided them spoke excitedly. "Day Da Gods!"

"Really?" Said Yiffin "And what makes you so sure?"

"Uh......." Said Kraum "...Because he said so?"

"Ah, alright then"

A humanoid walked down the ladder. He was the Kraumish God. He was a Furen...

Shlump and yiffin's eyes glazed over. Think of the TV rights! The money they could make on psychological books! Think of all the Diplomas they'd get.

But Frelgrin was thinking of the unnerving present. These beings, these large strong beings, worshipped his races' eternal Nemesis as a god. Combine with that the fact that they'll standing in plain sight of him and that he has apparently only come down to deal with them, this was not good.

Freewater had found a shiny rock. He was good for an hour or two.

The Furen was alittle unusual as far as Furens go. He was thinner, shorter, less muscular, and didn't look to be utterly stupid.

He looked at the four researchers (well, three researchers, one Freewater) and did something which years of medical tests and research had said to be physically impossible for a Furen.

He smiled.

"Ah" He said, (which was also unusual, as Furen usually started with "Lesser scum") "What brings you here, my dear exploring types?"

They paused, expecting some ironic humour, or perhaps a bullet to the head. But none came.

Unfortunately, it was Shlump who recovered first.

"Well" He said, using an impertinant tone "Just to warn you, we have a fleet of warships in orbit, a small army on its' way, and Mr. Freewater here can kill you six ways with his thumbs alone!"

There was a thud. Shlump turned to see that Mr. Freewater had apparently hit himself with the rock in his hands and knocked himself out.

"well, Mr. Freewaters' stupidity not-withstanding, we still command vast military resources!"

But the Furen, who's name was Tifford, was very polite. He invited them to tea, and chatted animatedly about his work.

"These creatures, the Kraum I call them, are most extroadinary. They are like a giant race of slapstick actors. They are always bumping into things and talking strangely, very much unusual, a race of buffoons."

Frelgrin weakly gulped another mouthfull of tea. "So" he said "What is it exactly you do here, if you mind me asking."

"Oh not much." He said "I just lounge around, watch the Kraum, make notes."

"And act as their god"

"Oh yes, most peculiar behavior"

"But what about money?" said Yiffin "Surely there must be wealths of money in this. Think of all the papers you could write!"

He frowned "Yes, I could... That is, if any other Furen actually cared enough to read it. Or indeed, learn to read."

This deflated Yiffin somewhat "well, do you mind if we write afew?"

Tiffords' response was interrupted by Shlump leaping overhead with a large sword in hand. He swung it in many fearsome arcs around his head and made many swoosh noises. Then, he leapt at Tifford, who prompty ducked, sending Shlump flying into a nearby stack of boxes.

"Feel free to" said Tifford, finishing his response.

Frelgrin sat up "So, if you'll excuse me, why are you not viciously attacking us?"

Tifford frowned somewhat. "well, as far as Furen go, I'm rather an outcast. Unlike most youngsters I did not like the bloodsports, or gladiators, or slave pits, or dogfights, or indeed anything our society had to offer. I was called weak, pathetic I was beaten up.

"And then one day I was sent with a military expidition to Hurok, to stop your fleet. Luckily as you destroyed our ship I escaped in a shuttle to the surface. There, I wandered lost for some time, until I stumbled across a hole in the surface. I encountered the Kraum and have remained with them ever since."

Frelgrin smiled "Well it seems nice enough. These Kraum are nice people. You should get along rather well with them."

"Oh yes, I do" He said happily.

"Well then, you'll be happy to hear that we're bringing some more people down, a race of creatures called the Frozians."

Tifford thought of this. "How will you get them past the Furen? Their ships orbit this world."

"We shall strike, unerringly, against your wretched people!" Bellowed Shlump, Who once again leapt into the air, but this time went too far and landed in the fire. He proceeded to run in circles.

"Well, whatever"

_______________________________________________________________________

The four intrepid adventurers returned home to tell thier magnificent tale, and were immedietly commishioned on the great flagship, The Wrath Of The Gods.

They were going to get the Frozians a home.

"This is terribly exciting, isn't it?" Exclaimed Shlump, as he looked out the window "I bet we get medals!"

"Who cares about medals?" Said Yiffin "Think of the books! The money! The grants! The prestiege! All of it ours!"

"All the pretty lights" Said Freewater, who was looking into hyperspace.

But unlike the others, Frelgrin was worried. They were going into battle, the sorts with lasers and death and explosions and things, not a very pleasent thought. But he stomached the feelings, there were thousands of sterile beings who needed their help!... Ok, that didn't sound as noble as he thought, anyways, on with the story.

The ships of the Azguard fleet; The Wrath Of The Gods Yunos-class command ship, Mike the Imperator Class Star Destroyer, Stalingrad, RockaFella, and Yunos, a trio of Nebulan B-2s, and 100 Mechanoid Combat Suits, All dropped out of hyperspace around Hurok. The enemy mustered a vicious retaliaion fleet of six Aegis Class, which promptly ran away.

The Enemy fled in fear of the great Yunos Class Command Ship, which was big, and scary. The Azguard waited patiently until all the enemies had ran away and the world was safe to land on, and then sent in the Frozians.

The Forzians landed, with much aplomb, on the surface, their new home.

Our four intrepid adventurers led the Frozians and their armed escort across the planets’ surface. It was weary work, dragging along the snow swept lands, but an idle hour was passed playing ‘I Spy with my little eye’. Unfortunately the game was discontinued when someone said S and no one could see anything that could fit.

The thousands of Frozians trailed onwards until finally, when all hope of finding the entryway before their hot-cocoa supplies were depleted was lost, a small mote of light in the distance shone.

“Ooooh, look, the lights” said Freewater, pointing to the spot.

“We’re almost there, keep going” said Frelgrin as encouragingly as he could to the Frozians, who scurried ahead in hope of safety.

“Put your backs into it!”

Frelgrin turned to see Shlump and Yiffin being carried on the back of palquins being carried by Frozians. Not only that, but it seems the two were egging their carriers on in some sort of race.

“You two!” He shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the pair “What are you doing? Get off there at once! We are leading these people to freedom, you don’t exploit them for that. Now get off right now and say you’re sorry.

“Yes mister Frelgrin” they said disappointed, and they got off.

“And let that be a lesson to-Is that a note, Mr. Yiffin?”

“Uh, no?”

“Hand it over” Frelgrin looked at it “”Mr Frelgrin is a Poopy pants” Am I then?”

In the middle of this farcical argument, Freewater wandered in and said “Hey, aren’t we supposed to be following them?” and then he pointed over in the distance, where the Frozian Column wore on in the distance.

“Quick! We must catch them up!” And so they ran, and they ran, and they stopped for a breather (“We’re scientists, not athletes!”) then ran. Then finally, they found themselves back with the column.

A good thing too, because the column was running straight through the hole in the surface, and were already securing themselves at the base.

“Ah, the first step towards a great cause!” Said Frelgrin triumphantly.

“And which cause is this?” Said Shlump “The cause to prevent sterility in a race of three meter tall furry bipeds with backwards knees?”

“Oh shut up”

They continued on to the next layer, but now they were wary. The Kraum lived on the next layer, how would they react to this race of people? The armed escort drew closer together and the four scientists were poked further and further ahead.

But it was all for naught, when they got to the next layer with the Kraum, the Kraum greeted, nay welcomed the Forzians with open arms. The Kraum flowed from their mountain homes and shook hands and declared proudly “Me Kraum”.

This kind reception was met with kindness in return. The Frozians, a well-minded species, spoke animatedly with the Kraun, in high spirits for the thought of the impending saving of their race.

The Kraum accompanied the Frozians all the way to the next layer, which was compleely snow-free. There they dined on fruits and vegetables and very small animals in a sort of impromptu buffet. And then, finally, they reached the last level.

This was a tropical paradise, complete with Palm trees and sand and salty water. Even a toucan or two.

The Frozians were ecstatic. This was just as their homeworld was, except for the ceiling. They embraced one another in joy………

“Er… I think we better leave now” said Frelgrin.

“Yes… Leave…” concurred Slump

“Now hold on… for the sake of science shouldn’t we make sure-“

“NO”

“Ok, worth a shot”

And so for now, the Azguardians backed away.


A few days later

A few days later they returned to Hurok, to help establish a government and houses and things. Now the first question is of course: Where will the booze go? The second question is then, What shall be the social and political relations between the native Kraum and the newer Frozians.

Once a place was found for the booze, they thought about it.

The easiest soloution was to merge the two groups and make them one nation. But the Frozians had to remain deep in the lower sections, and the Kraumish anatomy suggests that it is suited to its’ chosen layer alone. So what was there to do?

The Azguards decided that each would have their own Principality, elect their own leader, and the two leaders together would work together with the nation.

And who do you think they sent to organize all this?

Yes, you guessed it, our four heroes.

“Are we there yet?” “No” Are we there yet?” “No” “Are we there yet?” “No” “Are we-“ “Mr. Freewater! When we arrive I shall inform you, until then SHUT UP”

One short spaceship trip later, they arrived at Hurok-Again.

They hustled with construction crews and teams and things down to the deepest layer of the planet, where the Frozians live. There they began construction on houses and mini malls. But it was slow work, as the four had conflicting ideas on how to put it together.

“Great big spires, that’s’ the ticket” Said Shlump, waving a sheet of paper with pictures of big gothic spires on it “We pop a few of those on top of the houses, it’ll look great!”

“No, No,” said Yiffin “Some sort of dome would look much nicer. Besides, spires might hit the ceiling”

“Look, a moo cow” Said Freewater, who showed them a crude crayon drawing.

“That’s’ very good Mr. Freewater.” Said Frelgrin, with a sigh “Now go back to your desk and finish your homework.”

But even with all this chaos they were able to eventually put up houses. Thus began the colonization of the Frozians

They built factories, they built buildings, they built stores, they recreated an entire civilisation of people over the weeks. Such a noble endeavour was not without difficulties, and the reconstruction of the Frozian culture was slow at best.

So what did they do? They made some up.

So our four heroes, some Frozian leaders, and a few others sat down with a calendar and a booklet.

“Oooh, lets’ put a holiday for socks!” said Freewater “We could call it sock-day, and everyone has to give their neighbour ten socks!”

“How about a holiday for love?” said a Frozian leader “To commemorate the love-free years after our planet died.”

“That sounds good” said Yiffin, and there was some nodding. So they added that holiday.

“Say” said Frelgrin “How about a redemption-day, where all who have done evil should focus on redemption?”

The other thought about it “Yeah, that could work, but lets’ also add free food for those who do. Just to give the holiday a more festival air.”

And in that way their culture was built up.

With things going smoothly in the Frozian area, the heroes went up to the Kraum Zone. But just as they arrived, they met Tifford.

“Why, my friends, you have returned!” He exclaimed joyfully “And you have brought so much to this world. I am very excited to work alongside you.”

“Oh, that’s’ very nice of you” said Frelgrin, who shook hands with him.

So the five set about bringing the Kraum into the 248th century (Azguard Calendar), first by directing them to build a school, then by going into said school and teaching. Some of their classes included:

-Modern Daily Life (“No, we don’t bash that with a rock, we press the button on the remote”)

-Modern Technology and how it works (“Now just connect that wire to- NO, NOT THAT!!!”)

-Modern thinking (“There are reasons why we wear clothes, like to cover up… bits”)

-Modern Galaxy (“Now this is Coruscant, and this is you-No, that isn’t actually you, its’ just the planet”)

And
-Home Economics (“These Tupperware containers are excellent for storing spare carcass”)

And through this school they educated the Kraum, gave them a crash course in civilisation, and by the time the graduation ceremony came round, all but Crazy-Al were wearing clothes, but then of course Crazy-Al was too big for any clothes to fit.

“Well, I think our work here is done” said a proud Frelgrin “Shall we take a jaunt up to the surface and tally-ho of back to blighty?”

…

“Shall we go home now?”

“Oh yeah, sure Ok.”

And so, they did. The four had accomplished the emigration of an entire species over the expanse of space, brought civilisation and order to a world ruled by evil, and had cured sterility.

Or have they?

No, because I still need more words (grumble) so lets’ throw in an alien invasion of some kind!

Yes! Fifty foot atomic aliens with death rays coming from their nostrils, and- Wait… Nah, I’ll just use the Furen.

So the Furen returned to Hurok. Of course, not in great big death space ships of doom like they usually do, but instead crammed in the back seat of a ‘Volt Wagner Class frigate’ (*Reminisce*, Ok, I’m done) and carrying a very dangerous teleportation beacon. Why dangerous? Because not one, but 2 Nukes are strapped to it!

…

Ok, Its’ just a teleport beacon.