Virtues of the Friend(Amalia Azalin)
Posts: 1584
  • Posted On: Jul 7 2002 4:34am
Leia stared indifferently at the food covered foot of her bed. Her reaction to Amalia's outburst was nill.

<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--> Amalia is hurting badly right now... I don't need to be in here.<!--EZCODE ITALIC END-->

Leia brushed her food tray aside and sat up. She still wasn't very hungry and didn't think she would be able to eat, but she felt much better, well enough to want to move around a little. She glanced over at Amalia again, and decided it would indeed be best if she just left for a while anyways.

<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--> Heh, I don't want to be in this stuffy room anyways.<!--EZCODE ITALIC END-->

Simply being typical Leia, she threw her covers off and slipped out of bed. She intended to figure out where she was, and why she was here in the first place. She slipped out of the room quietly. She would just as soon be alone in her present condition, anyways.

She walked a ways down the hall of whatever place she was in until she found a small niche with a few chairs and a comfy looking couch. She hopped onto the couch, curled up, and contentedly watched the people walk past.
  • Posted On: Jul 7 2002 6:12am
Though Leia did not know it, leaving Amalia alone under the condition she was in, despite Amalia's denial that she needed no one and wished to be isolated, was probably not one of the best possible choices she could have made, at least in the long run....However, she was right to leave the room right then and there, it was what would happen later on that may or may not help Amalia to see things through, and perhaps Leia too...

She eventually stopped crying, turning back over on her back to look onto the ceiling again. She glared at the ceiling.

After ten minutes of the same position, she turned her head to look toward where Leia would have been still, finding her gone. Her denial evident in her thoughts, but not to being noticed by herself.

Good, she's gone. I did not need her in here anyways. I'll get through this....alone.

There is not anything anyone could do to help me through this anyway....

Denial.

There was indeed something that could be done to help her through this. She needed support, all of the things she was purposely blocking herself from, the things that she was purposely denying herself.

Leia had been a part of what had happened this time, and if she chose to walk away, denying Amalia of the friend and of the support she needed to get through this, well then, it would only make Amalia more isolated and withdrawn.

Sometimes others had to take a stand when others could not...

However, maybe Leia was in denial as well...



Amalia was focused enough to be able to sit up in her bed, her tears had dried by now, but her confition was still the same.

I should not have come. She did not need me here, not here either. I just want to go home.

She was ashamed, still feeling like she'd let Leia down. She could not recall the last of what she had said to the Intel officer before she had fainted.

I don't know what to do. I did all I could, almost giving my own life in turn to help save her, and now I feel destroyed because I failed.

Leia had many times during the night had been close to inching her way close to death, just like Amalia. Each time, Amalia did her best to interven, but she still felt she'd failed.

She'd made a great sacrifice and still she could not see it. Who knew if Leia saw that as well though. Who knew what she believed.

She too, like Amalia, was keeping everything inside...for now....

Amalia's eyes focused on the entrance way into the room, as if she were waiting for someone to enter through there...
Posts: 1584
  • Posted On: Jul 7 2002 7:46am
The people passed. With the passing of people was the passing of the sound of footsteps...

Leia closed her eyes and listened to the rhythemic footsteps as they echoed down the hall. Sometimes there would be a pair of footsteps, or a whole group. Sometimes, only a single, solitary set. Leia let only this simple, almost ridiculous matter fill what little thoughts she currently held.

She was intentionally, carefully, keeping her mind blank, her thoughts and emotions neutral. There were many important issues, problems, that she had to deal with. But she would confront them when it was time. Now was not that time, and being bothered with them was only pointless and stressing.

And then, without warning or preamble, it was just... time.

Leia sat up and stretched, then frowned as her mind was assailed by a barrage of thought.

<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--> Why?<!--EZCODE ITALIC END-->

That was the million credit question, it seemed.

<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--> She's done so much for me...

She saved me from the terrorists last night... I'm alive because of her.

I owe her so much... how could I ever even begin to repay her?
<!--EZCODE ITALIC END-->

Yet then again, Leia realized, she owed so many the same debt of life, and so many owed that debt to her. And the debt was always dismissed by all involved. Well, except for Wookiees and their life debts, but Leia had never run into a Wookiee in such a situation as to incur such a debt.

So what made her debt to Amalia so different, so special? What was in Amalia's acts that Leia was missing, what was in their friendship that made it as it was? So different, so... frustrating!?

<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--> Why!?<!--EZCODE ITALIC END-->

Maybe it wasn't the debt. In fact, maybe there was no debt.

Maybe they owed each other nothing, not because they had not done anything of any measureable magnitude for each other, but simply because they had the relationship as friends, more than friends even. Their connection and care for one another was not in addition to the friendship, it <!--EZCODE BOLD START--> was<!--EZCODE BOLD END--> the friendship.

Leia sighed.

<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--> Maybe my whole problem, is that I try to do too much, to think too much.<!--EZCODE ITALIC END-->

Leia practically spit with scorn at herself, but when she stood her face and emotions instantly flicked back to blank and neutral, almost as if she had just switched channels with a remote.

There was only one way to get answers, and solutions.

She walked back to the room she and Amalia were in.


***


Amalia's eyes focused on the entrance way into the room, as if she were waiting for someone to enter through there...


...and then the door did open, and Leia walked through slowly, solemn and silent. She glanced at Amalia for a moment, then averted her gaze and slowly walked back over to her bed, climbed in and got situated. Sometime during her absence it had been changed and the mess cleaned up, and as Leia moved freshly starched sheets rasped, the only noise to be heard in the room.

When Leia was finally settled, it was several long moments before she turned her attention fully on Amalia. Almost like a challenge, Leia purposely stared unwaveringly at her, to see if Amalia would meet her gaze.
  • Posted On: Jul 7 2002 7:32pm
Amalia's eyes narrowed all so suddenly as she continued to look toward the entrance way. She'd come through in her mind, with realization, that she wanted Leia to walk through that entrance way. Her denial was beginning to break.

I'm kidding myself, because I think it's easier just to push people away. I should not...because if I do, I'll have nothing left.

She'll walk back through that door, not because I want her to, but because she wants to...

She was puzzled.

What am I not seeing?

She was not seeing anything for face value anymore. She was not content enough, but there was a reason why, and she needed to figure that out.

She's done just as much for me as I have done for her. She's always been there...yet I...I'm afraid.

She'd been holding onto so much, when she held on it was a way for her to expect something, anything that she felt like she was not getting, to replace the things that she felt like she'd already lost.(which were not really lost at all, Amalia just could not see that, she'd somehow blocked that out and made this her way of thinking.)

I've been holding on too much, I've been looking too much. If I stop, I'm afraid that I'll lose my friend.

She did not understand exactly how these two things were connected. She just knew that whatever this was, was preventing her from seeing things as they were, at face value.

I can't be afraid anymore. I have to see Leia for who she is and not worry so much. Maybe our long moments of being away from one another, due to being busy, has something to do with this. Maybe that's why I'm so afraid I'll lose her too, because she's not around so much anymore, and neither am I.

That was exactly why she seemed so distant too, she disliked the time apart, of not being able to spend time with her friend. The time apart, for some reason, was also making her forget her friend.

...And for some other reason, this made her dwell on expectations, because she was simply forgetting, and she'd look for something, anything, so long as it would not make her forget. She'd at least have something to dwell on if she forgot who her friend was.

Yet doing all this was doing her far more harm than good, and it was purposely making her block the Leia she knew. The Leia that she was trying so hard to remember.

How could she remember Leia though, when she was not actually gone in the first place. She'd always been there, yet it did not feel like it as her mind had finally connected with.

I've got to try, No, not try, do. I've got to let be what is. She's given exactly what a friendship is said to be. It does not matter if she's not around so much anymore, though I do miss that....


She's always been there, even if we're not spending time together. Because I know it, and I feel it and I don't have to look for it...It's just...there.


Yet Amalia sat alone in the room, without Leia, and it was a moment like this that would make her draw toward her expectations, that her mind would become clouded, that would make her draw to conclusions, untrue conclusions.

Yet somehow, right then and there, she did none of these things.

She simply stared back at that unfilled entrance way, and waited.

She knew Leia would walk back through...



A minute later the door did open.

Her friend had walked through that door, slowly, solemn and silent.

Amalia's eyes watched her. She watched Leia as she got back into her bed, watched as she settled herself back into her bed.

She even noticed the only noise in the room.

Then several minutes passed, and after those minutes had passed, Amalia knew....

Without even looking up, she knew...

Leia was looking at her. Yet she waited her own minute, only a minute. She slowly let her gaze move from Leia's bed, letting it fall onto Leia's face.

She had not locked eyes with her yet. No, she was studying the Jedi Master's face. She saw that hidden challenge.

She swallowed hard and then locked eyes with her friend. Yet nothing was said as silence cotinued to greet the two.

Their gazes on one another did not waver, but it would be Amalia who would speak first. She would say just one simple thing, but it would mean a great deal.

"Thank You..."

She was thanking her for being there, for being her friend. For being and doing all of the things that a friendship is said to be.

...And that one Thank You would let Leia know just how much she was appreciated, and valued.
Posts: 1584
  • Posted On: Jul 8 2002 5:02am
...But Leia shook her head.

"No. Thank <!--EZCODE ITALIC START--> you<!--EZCODE ITALIC END-->."

She broke eye contact and picked at her blanket as a moment of silence ensued. Now it was she who would most obviously break the silence.

"There's been a lot of trouble, lately. But..."

She looked up from her blanket, but did not look at Amalia, instead her gaze settling on the wall directly in front of her.

"...I think in some ways, maybe many ways, it's getting better."

Now, finally, her gaze drifted back to Amalia.

"What do you think?"
  • Posted On: Jul 8 2002 6:01am
Amalia was not too sure of how to answer Leia, but she did believe that the trip had done something for them. The trip had not exactly been one of the best trips the two had had with one another, but Amalia learned something from it. Perhaps the same could be said for Leia.

Her answer was short, there was much she was still dealing with, besides Leia. What had happened to her had hit her pretty hard, and she was trying to cope as best she could.

"Yeah, better."

Despite her pain, Amalia managed to offer a small smile for her friend.

A moment of silence was brought again, but Amalia broke it again with an out of the blue comment.

"I know who you are, I think I've always known, since the beginning..."
Posts: 1584
  • Posted On: Jul 8 2002 6:08am
Curious, Leia suddenly grinned at Amalia and got a funny look on her face.

"Well then, just who am I?"
  • Posted On: Jul 8 2002 6:57am
Amalia's smile grew somewhat. She knew Leia would ask that question even before it escaped her lips. It was a question Amalia had hoped would not be asked, not because she did not know how to answer it, but because it was not something so easy to put into words. Yet she knew that her answer was something that Leia would have hoped for Amalia to recognize much sooner than now.

"You are Leia...nothing more and nothing less. You just are. You are my friend."

Her answer was not of one that most would say when they were talking about Leia Organa Solo and who she was. That was not the answer Amalia was meant to give, it called for a different answer.

No, her answer was much different, not meant to be understood by anyone else but Leia.
Posts: 1584
  • Posted On: Jul 8 2002 8:11am
Leia stared at Amalia blankly for a few moments, just to let the doubt that most likely lingered in Amalia's mind about whether or not her cryptic answer sent across the the right message to Leia or not, grow heavier in her mind.

Then, just as she saw the first hints of a flicker of doubt enter Amalia's expression, Leia broke into a broad grin, yanked a pillow out from behind her, and threw it at Amalia in such a way that it landed in her lap instead of hitting her.

"You never were very long winded, were you? Well, not that it's a bad thing at all, no..."

Only now did Leia take in the rest of Amalia. She saw bloodied bandages, and quite a few bruises. Leia knew she was rather beaten herself, and her sore body confirmed that, but not nearly as bad as Amalia.

"I wonder if they ever got that situation under control...?" Leia mused aloud, suddenly quite interested in finding out the answer to that question.
  • Posted On: Jul 8 2002 7:57pm
Amalia looked down at the pillow that now sat on her lip, staring at it as if it were something fascinating and extraodinary, anything but.

She slowly reached out with a hand to grab a corner of the pillow, wrapping her hand around it. She slowly pulled the pillow off her lap, dragging it almost as she set it beside her to her right.

Finally she looked back up at Leia, she'd been pondering Leia's curious question. Her face held no curiousity, not much of any expression really.

"I'm sure someone will let you know..."

As for Amalia, she did not care much for knowing if they put the situation under control or not. Her mind did not want to dwell on any of it. She just wanted to forget about ithe whole situation, at least for a little while, maybe even for good.