My great-great uncle Lester got drunk at the family dinner one Thanksgiving, then went out to party, proceeding to get even more drunk. He was staying with my great Uncle Roger and his family at the time. So Lester stumbles home in the early morn, and as usual after a huge night binging, had to piss really bad.
Well Roger has a ton of kids so they always left the light on in the bathroom. So Lester gets up, stumbles through the house, throws open the bathroom door and proceeds to piss in the bath-tub, because he's still too drunk to aim for any toilet.
Or at least, he thought it was the bathtub.
Turns out the door he flung open wasn't the potty door into the lighted bathroom. It was the refrigerator and he'd pissed all over the Thanksgiving leftovers.
Roger said he was just glad Lester didn't have to take a dump.
How does pissing your way out of an avalanche make you a "real man"? What exactly is a "real man" by the way?
And what's the difference between Damalis' uncle and this guy? Damalis' uncle came home after a night of drinking with his friends. He wasn't at his own house so he got lost going to the bathroom, that plus a night's worth of alcohol equals a hell of a funny story. This guy wasn't exactly Ned Flanders, he had 60 half liter bottles of beer in his car... this guy was gonna do some damage one way or another. 60 bottles? That's fucking ridiculous.. that's 12 beers a day for 5 days straight... If this guy didn't piss his way through an avalanche he was gonna piss his way through his sheets when he got to the hotel..
the beer would have melted only slightly less snow if he'd just poured straight on... his body temperature didn't make that big of a differance...
more than likely, he gave up digging because the snow was coming in the car, decided to die happy and get drunk, drank a few bottles, then had to piss, aimed it out the window, bright idea while he's drunk and proceeded to drink and repeat...
to me a guy who drinks 60 beers to piss his way out of an avalanche isn't a real man... the guys out with the snow search dogs looking for his drunk ass are the real men....
oh, and if the guy who drank 60 beers to piss his way out of an avalanche is a real man, then so is Lester :b
he was one of the first six men in the entire world to have a pig valve put in his heart just after WW2. He was a military lab rat. He lived to be over 90, was still getting pissed drunk on a regular basis, still chasing bar flies and would unstrap himself from his life support when he was dying of lung cancer to sneak down the hall and buy cigarrettes .. the nurses hated him with a passion, but they could always find him in the waiting lounge smoking.
Another classic Lester story...
He was living with my Grandpa at the time and my uncles, just teenagers, promised him a woman at their annual Halloween party. Lester, over 70 at the time, was rearing to go. The problem is they lied. They didn't have him a woman but they spent weeks mercilessly telling him they had him a woman and to be ready for it. Well Halloween night comes and Lester proceeds in classic fashion to get drunk on Everclear. He's beyond pissed drunk, as he will soon prove. One lady at the party, I loosely stress the word lady, got up on the bull barrel and did her best rendition of Sissy from Urban Cowboy, thus working Lester up to a wild frenzy.
Plainly desperate at by this time, and happily cruising drunken oblivion land, Lester tells the boys he's ready for his woman. Bring ON the woman!
The boys think it's hilarious when they tell Les he doesn't have a woman, that they'd been giving him a line of bull all this time. Well, Les wasn't having any of that. He turns to my uncle's friend, Bradley, who'd been the main instigator in the promising Lester a woman, and tells him:
"Boy, you promised me a woman and she ain't here. Your pretty enough to be a girl. Come here!"
Lester then proceeds to chase Bradley all over a five acre field trying to take him down and rip his pants off. Now, this the other boys found hilarious also, as they were not pretty enough to be girls. But when they all began to get uncomfortable enough to think he might actually mean what he says, they make him leave Bradley alone and had my Grandpa take Lester up to the house and try and sober him up. Before the night was through, Lester had stripped naked and flung his 100 pound bony body on the bar and was telling my Grandpa's wife he'd show her what a real man was....
So... if having 60 bottles of beer with you while going on vacation alone makes you a man, then Lester fits in there somewhere too :b
They never did find Bradley's belt buckle either...
