The New Order had fallen to their onslaught. In the final throws of despair, Azrael Zell died with his boney hand wrapped around their throat but that did not stop the inevitable. The onslaught continued. Prime Minister Regrad and his entire race of Azguardians fell before them as gods come to life. The conquerors accepted the Azguard worship. Then they feasted on them for 10 days. Azguard meat is very gamey which made the conquerors mad.

They destroyed the Cree-Ar as a result. It was not hard for all they had to do was defeat one. Since it was the first time a Cree'Ar had ever surrendered, every one in the galaxy killed themselves in humiliation so their dishonored names could be erased from memory.

Denied honorable battle, the conquerors turned to the Tion Cluster and the Black Dragon Empire. The assembler/metallic composition of the daemuns made them taste badly. Also, there was the misfortune of those conquerors who ate daemun who found themselves being assimilated from the inside out. Those that were being assimilated strapped bombs on themselves and flung themselves against the Taj's minions. Eventually, the conquerors opted to simply glass the planets of the Tion Cluster.

It was an unfulfilling war.

In the Inferno Fleet they found good combat but the red color of their ships indicated they were ready to mate. Upon entering their ships, the conquerors were very...very disappointed. As it had obviously been a trick in bad taste the conquerors decided to kill everyone and so they did.

Onward and onward the onslaught went...

They used the Palestar's scalp for an ornament...

They feasted on Silk's and Vicirus' hearts during the new moon of the red star..

They made decorations with Telan Desaria's medals taken off his half eaten form..

Corise Lucerne was an honorable foe. So his polished skull was attached to the bow of the flagship of the 439th lesser fleet.

The only real power that stood between their ultimate conquest of the galaxy was the Commonwealth.

Their 6,000 fleets crossed the border and Fleet Admiral Wilkar was there to meet them.

Unfortunately, Admiral Wilkar was drunk when he took the communicated challenge.

The enemy appeared on screen and began chittering in a tone that drove a pain through Wilkar's head like a tent spike.

"Ow.." Wilkar complained.

Unfortunately, "ow", in the conqueror language, was the worst insult one could hurl at another.

Needless to say, Wilkar's fleet was destroyed, Wilkar himself fleeing to a faraway planet to recover from his hangover.

And so, Capricia, Hapes, etc..etc... down they went to the onslaught until six thousand fleets surrounded Bonadan, the headquarters of Vinda Corporation. Seth Vinda had not been sitting idly by while all this destruction was taking place even though it may have looked like he was. Vinda would often disappear for weeks at a time only to pop into an occassional board meeting to say "hi", welcome newbies and then off he went for another few weeks. Unfortunately for him, he was on Bonadan when the conquerors came.

So, he went out to meet them and brought with him a million, three hundred thousand, nine hundred and sixty-six cups of tea.

As Mr. Vinda sat before the conquerors they all held a cuppa and Mr. Vinda smiled disarmingly before taking a sip. The conquerors sniffed cautiously and all took a sip.

Liking it, they took a second sip, then a third... and then they were all dead.


Poisoned.


Before death claimed Vinda, having given his life to save the galaxy, he reached over and took a sliver of meat from the plate before him and chewed.

"gamey.." he whispered and then fell asleep in death.




The Great Hunt of the Ewok Empire had been finished by his hand.




Were things so easy... about the only things true in the above story was that Seth Vinda disappears alot, Azguards are gamey, Zell does have boney hands and "ow" calls into question the virtue of an Ewok tribe leader's third mate.


But none of this would help the family members of Wilkar (nephews and nieces) as they stared down the barrel of a blaster.

"Did you like the story?" one of the culprits asked.

One kid nodded while the other two did not.

"Fucking critics.." another culprit murmured and the mother, Wilkar's sister (tied up), hissed, "language!"


"Well, what is going to draw the dirty Kuati bastard out of hiding?" another complained.

"He talks the talk but can he walk the walk? Boss says he is one of these pissers and moaners about crap but when push comes to shove..." the speaker left the sentence dangling.

"He drinks a lot.."

"No, he cusses a lot and takes a couple of shots.. that don't make him a drunk.. But what has he done? What does he do? What has he ever done?"

The culprits and the Wilkar family were suddenly lost in thought. What had he done?

"Unka says bad words alot.." one of the neices brought up helpfully.

"He was in the Domain War.." another culprit brought out. Then added, "I think."

"You may be thinking of Mars Sinken, a damned fine soldier."

"Well, he.... he..." and the speaker drew a blank.

"Son of a ..." a culprit started when a warning glance from the mother Wilkar shamed the man, "white ribboned rancor..." he finished lamely.

It was time to draw the poser out..

Above the non-Immediate Wilkar Family Estate, in low orbit were 5 Vinda Corp attack cruisers.

Wilkar walked out of some bar for the first time in more than a week.

He was broke after all. That seemed like a good reason to go home. He could drink his sister’s liquor for free.

The sun was bright, too bright, horrendously bright. There was a Wookiee pounding the back of his head with a hydrospanner. The whisky bottle in his hand was almost empty.

He worked the wad of tobacco in his mouth into the side of his lip before spitting it into a rut in the dirt road.

He was not drunk. But these were his first sober moments in more than two weeks.

Rock bottom is a son of a bitch.

His much stained admiral’s uniform reeked of liquor and sex, but not drugs. He wasn’t that much of a fuckup.

“Son of a bitch…” he growled as the whisky bottle slipped out of his and shattered on the poorly maintained road back to the Wilkar family estate.

“Walking fucking blows… goddamn D.U.I.’s…

Mental note to self… get fucking driver…”

He was talking to himself again.

The estate’s gate was open, but the old wooden door into main house was locked. So he kicked it in with his Commonwealth navy boot. It needed replacing anyways.

He surveyed the scene in his family’s living room.

His sister was tied up. There were men with blasters.

“Sis… you’re into some weird shit. I’d suggest therapy, but as you know it was never really… well you know… a winning prospect for me,” he admitted “I know a shrink who might work for you. He’s a fucking prick like all the rest of them, but I’ll try and find his number for you…”

His sister looked worried.

He shrugged and made his way to the pool house.

The Admiral came and the Admiral left.


The culprits stared at each other as he went off in the direction of the pool house.


One shrugged. "It seems the rumors are true."

Another shrugged and shot the Wilkar mother. Another shot the kids.

No time or room for baggage and if alcohol had taken the edge off the Admiral, they knew they would not get anywhere with him.

What was the point of negotiating with an alcoholic?

Culprit No. 1 spoke into a comm unit to persons unknown.

In the amount of time it took the Admiral to make his way to the Pool House, the culprits had taken a vibroblade and cut the heads off of his family. After all, they would need proof.

In the meantime, a larger warship had entered the system and quickly reduced the 5 VC attack cruisers to slag.

Conquests were such wonderful things.

Soon, the transports would be landing and the conquest of this planet would be complete.

Some hours later…

Wilkar considered the grizzly scene in the family living room. His entire non-immediate family had been murdered.

Someone was clearly trying to tell him something.

But they had already left, so Wilkar would have to find them.

He walked over to the hutch in the corner of the room. Shaking the dust off his DL-44 blaster, he keyed his Commonwealth navy Syn-band.

“Bring the Rapier out from behind the moon. Send a shuttle to my estate to pick me up. Be quiet about it” he ordered his executive officer.

“Yes sir! Should I have the pilot bring you your morning Screwdriver admiral?” asked the captain.

“Not this time Captain… Not this time…”

Some hours later…

Wilkar considered the grizzly scene ...

In those 'some hours later' that it took the Admiral Wilkar to come back from the pool house to the point where he 'considered the grizzly scene', the culprits went to work.


A shuttle had come and picked them up and had taken them to their mothership that had turned the Vinda Corp attack cruisers to slag.

The culprits exited their shuttle in the hanger watching in wide-eyed wonderment as the fighter corps were prepped for launching. Cappy-Tan was not wasting any time using his longer range pounders to hit the paper-thin VC cruisers as he closed within the mass shadow. The planet was supposed to have a moon but it must have been on the other side of the planet so they did not see it to confirm if the Agamar's Farmer's Almanac was correct in it's information.

The culprits made their way to the control center of the mothership toting the heads of their victims and held them high for Cappy-Tan as they walked onto the control center.

Cappy-Tan was not happy.

First, the heads had been dripping blood throughout the culprit's romp through the starship.

Second, the heads were from the wrong family. They were supposed to butcher the family of the Bonadan Wilkars, not the Kuati Wilkars.

One of the culprits thought they'd be a smart ass by asking why they were in orbit of Etti-IV instead of Bonadan. Cappy-Tan had no answer but since the 'captain' was supposed to always have the answer, to get out of answering the smart-ass, he took out his sidearm and shot the culprit between the eyes.

Cappy-Tan was a good shot. He asked the remaining culprits if there were any other questions and, believably, there were not.

The culprits left the bridge with the heads and Maintenance came up to take away the body from the control center.

Now, Cappy-Tan had a problem. Not only had the culprits took the heads of the wrong people, the main Admiral of the Commonwealth (weird coincidence that!) but he had also shed first blood by removing the presence of the VC cruisers.

He took the philosophical view on things remembering that if you had already jumped off of the cliff, it was no use complaining about it. Just tuck your feet in and make the biggest splash you could make!

So that's what he did.

He took a 30 minute power nap, ate some lunch and then ordered the full scale bombardment of Etti-IV and the launching of his skirmishers, bombers and scouts.

Since the the planet was an NPC, another fortunate coincidence, there really was no resistance and the capital of the Commonwealth fell to the might of Cappy-Tan.

At least, his pounders rendered any defense batteries to ash and when he counted one hundred smoking towers, he allowed for the launching of troop transports. There were not many so the transports had to make several trips but, as it turned out, they had several hours to work within.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, Cappy-Tan's forces controlled the government city and a full thirty-five percent of the planet. Thirty-Five percent of the planet may seem small when compared to a full one hundred percent but when you consider a full fifty percent of the remaining sixty-five percent of the world sucked, it really was not that bad of a figure.

The Cappy-Tan army captured much valuable technology in the form of Syn-bands. He did not really know what that meant but they looked cool so many of the solders sported them like jewelry.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, Ricky-Tan (everyone called him 'Dick') was being sworn in as the new leader of Government City, Etti-IV as the capital of the new Kingdom of Tan.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, the fighters had refueled, reloaded and relaunched.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, Cappy-Tan had raised his shields and set the Scanning Stations on full (not half but full!) alert for any intruders into the Kingdom of Tan.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, S. Hawking-Tan had wheeled his way into his lab and started taking apart several Syn-bands.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, the Army of Tan was reinforcing their positions to protect their new capital.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, Cappy-Tan had ordered no civilian air traffic to operate without express permission of the Tan.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, the Army of the Tan had broken into Government City's Armory.

By the time Admiral Wilkar considered the grizzly scene, Cappy-Tan had eaten dinner and was starting with desert.

Perhaps instead of considering the grizzly scene, Admiral Wilkar might want to consider the inherent dangers of allowing the enemy way too much time to have their way with him?







S. Hawking-Tan's eyes widened as the Syn-Band glowed to life.

S. Hawking-Tan screamed in agony as superheated shrapnel from the exploding Syn-band became imbedded in his face and neck. His probing had initiated the device’s self-destruct mechanism.

Aboard the Rapier

The admiral took his place on the bridge. He looked up from the readouts to see his executive officer pointing a blaster at his head.

“I’m relieving you of command Admiral. Your gross negligence has allowed our capital to fall to the enemy,” said the captain, voice quivering with fear.

“Is there anything else you’d like to add before you through the binders on captain?” said Wilkar, looking down at the readouts again.

“I… I…”

“I… I…” ridiculed the Admiral. “Shut the fuck up!” roared Wilkar. Mockery turned to rage.

This caught the executive officer guard, and Wilkar sucker punched with a left in the gut, sending him hard onto the deck.

Wilkar stood over the captain and began to yell.

“I give you one fucking job. Watch the capital for me? That should be an easy task for someone of your pedigree. Oh wait… You’re not even competent enough run patrols of the system. Who the hell were you hiding from behind the goddamn moon? Your ex-wife? Who asshole?”

Wilkar shook his head, his entire body shaking in rage.

“How about next time the sky starts to fall you drag me out of the fucking bar? Get him out of here,” he ordered.

Quickly a marine complied.

Again Wilkar turned back to the readout. The situation was dire. Hopefully the ship and its fighter complement could holdout until reinforcements arrived.

“Helm… Move to engage. All stations prepare for battle.”

S. Hawking-Tan screamed in agony as superheated shrapnel from the exploding Syn-band became imbedded in his face and neck. His probing had initiated the device’s self-destruct mechanism.

S. Hawking-Tan did not necessarily scream for his debilitating condition left him almost speachless and bound to an electric chair with wheels. So, when the superheated shrapnel was imbedded in his face and neck, he frantically pushed the button that relayed, in a computer generated voice, the total of the pain he felt.

"ow"

He pushed the button again and again and again and the emotionless voice droned on...


"ow, ow, ow"...


Through the pain of being struck by tiny slivers of metal or glass or whatever these bands were made of, he glanced down and saw a hole in his desk where the band was sitting.


Great Goddess-Tan!


How much power do these things have??


As the Doctor-Tan and his crew made their way to S. Hawking-Tan's offices, the scientist punched in his final observations and conclusions onto a terminal that Cappy-Tan had access too from the Bridge. In Tan society, everyone generally distrusted everyone else so everyone was monitoring everyone else or could, if they so desired.


After he had finished, he sat immobile until the Doctor-Tan burst into his office kicking away the foam from the foamers that automatically triggered with the syn-band's explosiveness.


S. Hawking-Tan was a moaning Tan covered in foam until the Doctor-Tan injected him with pain killers putting the scientist to sleep.



Bridge


The attack on the scientist-Tan left a bad taste in Cappy-Tan's mouth. These treacherous dogs of the Commonwealth used their technologies like snakes hiding under a rock!


All shiney and nice to look at until you put them on and them, bam! You were bitten!


Perhaps they mean to make us twice shy? Cappy-Tan thought. Perhaps that thought was the makings of a good song but he was no Poet-Tan.


No, he was a Cappy-Tan and he had to answer this treacherous attack!


As he read through S. Hawking-Tan's notes and conclusions regarding what he should do next, he saw that the scientist noted the absence of visible screws or rivets or anything holding together the syn-bands (he postulated it might be some sort of glue), therefore, the scientist tried to access or prod the interior workings with sound harmonics. Evidently, a particular sound harmonic reverberated against something called a resonator and the band exploded putting a large hole in the scientist-Tan's desk.


Cappy-Tan fumed because he knew that S. Hawking-Tan, if he lived, would demand the funds to buy an expensive new desk. He could just hear the scientist-Tan's mechanical droning voice, "buy me a desk... buy me a desk.."


But he had other things to worry about.


Signals from Tan-occupied Government City, or as the Tans called it, signals from Tan Capital of the Kingdom of Tan, were shouting out that an enemy ship had revealed itself.


The Tan warship/mothership could not see it for the enemy warship had been hidden behind a moon and the moon was on the other side of the planet.


Even though the treacherous dogs of the Commonwealth had left the cover of the moon, they still were hidden under the cover of the planet.


It was a strange fallacy that made people think that a ship could jump into a system and with a few minutes of scans have revealed to them everything and everyone in the system. The farther out the enemy was, the longer those signals took to return and the longer any warship would know of their presence. The same with ships hidden behind celestial bodies. Scans could not somehow curve around mass and seek out new bits of matter to find and identify at whim. This was not a star trek across the universe where people had more money that God-Tan to spend on sensors and then some.


As it was, their Tans on the planet were detecting the presence of the Commonwealth warship but the Tan warship could not see it. Therefore, it stood to reason the enemy could not see them even though the enemy must know Cappy-Tan was there somewhere on the other side.


For how else could the Tans capture Government City and, by extension, Etti-IV, now called New Tan but with a warship?


But that did not mean that not being able to see the enemy rested well with Cappy-Tan. He hated trap-door snakes!


Hiding behind a rock like a treacherous snake!


Well, if the Tan could not see the enemy he might as well see if they wanted to answer his challenge. He went over to the Comm-Tan and spoke briefly, instructing the lesser-Tan on what he wanted.


After a bit, he ordered the Comm-Tan to send out a broadcasting signal. The wave should amplify off the atmosphere of the planet and hopefully the treacherous hiding under a rock dog would get it. If not, then their equipment really was inferior to the Tan.


"Attention Treacherous Dogs of the Commonwealth. This is Cappy-Tan, Conqueror. You have entered Tan Space and are not welcome. You may now plead for your life."

"Attention Treacherous Dogs of the Commonwealth. This is Cappy-Tan, Conqueror. You have entered Tan Space and are not welcome. You may now plead for your life."

Wilkar raised an eyebrow.

Turning to the communication officer, he asked, “Do you know who this guy is?”

The green skinned Zelosian shrugged and returned to twiddling knobs at his station. The humanoid was used to impromptu questions from the admiral.

The Tan warship, now trapped between the planet and the Rapier’s guns, filled the forward viewport.

“Any word from that armored division on maneuvers in the mountains above the capital?” queried the admiral.

“They are in position and have received targets. Firing to commence on your orders,” answered the Zelosian, rationing his words. He was a quiet alien.

“Open up a channel to this Cappy-Tan,” ordered Wilkar.

“Channel open sir.”

“Cappy-Tan, Conqueror, this is Vice-Admiral Terosk Cineburg Wilkar the Sixth, Alcoholic, Womanizer. You have infringed on Commonwealth sovereignty.” The admiral leaned forward in his chair. “You also killed my sister. You have sixty seconds to surrender the planet to me, or my ship opens fire. Choose widely,” he added, cracking a seldom seen smile.

Wilkar turned his chair to the gunnery station.

“Alright shoot that fucker now and tell the armored division to start shelling,” he said, voice dripping with satisfaction.

“But.. But.. Sir… It’s only been fifty-five seconds,” began the gunnery officer. He was a stickler for fair play.

“How about telling someone who gives a shit lieutenant? Now shoot him!” yelled the admiral.

The Rapier’s turbolaser batteries, firing solutions already targeted, immediately lashed out against the Tan warship. Simultaneously, the two bomber squadrons among the swarm of starfighters protecting Rapier broke off and began bombing runs, already computed, on the warship.

Onboard the ISD Jackal...




Comandante Papagallo bit down hard upon his cigarillo as he listened to the sudden bursts of distress calls emanating from Etti-IV's co'ordinates . He felt a strange thrilling rush of excitement, and he had to concentrate hard not to let it get the better of him.

...could it be?.....

Finally!....


Etti-IV for so long had been nothing but a mere dream to the various pirates and scavengers that plied the darkest depths of the corporate sector, times had ben tough, especially with the Commonwealth in charge, it had become all but impossible to prey upon anyone within its borders, times had been hard.

Papagallo had for so long dreamt of pillaging the jewel in the crown of Corporate sector, and now it seems it had fallen, to who or what, didn't really matter right about now, that would be seen soon enough, as long as it wasn't the Empire, he didn't much care.

What mattered, is that it was ripe for the picking, for a Captain shrewd enough to see it, and a crew cut-throat enough to take advantage of it.

The Jackal itself had a been a hefty prize, taken more by sheer luck than anything else, they had boarded her one night when she had been in dry dock for repairs... he couldn't help but stifle a grin every time he thought of how its former Imperial captain would have had to explain THAT to his commanding officers...

With a bit of spit and polish, and some quick repairs themselves, the ship had been renamed to reflect its new profession...

He could feel the buzz spreading across the ship, his band of men, had mostly been 'recruited' from the various worlds he had plundered on the galactic fringes, they were impatient, and restless, a problem.

But what they craved most for, he could now give them....


He wheeled around to face his 1st, his Segundo, a wiry, and bloodthirsty compadre....


"Segundo! Set a course for Etti-IV! Ready the men! prepare them for battle! Get me as close as you can to that planet!"


As the men roared and cheered, and carried out his orders, he felt the clumsy lurch of the ship as it reared into Hyperspace...

A brief flash of doubt entered his mind as to whether ordering a reversion so close to the planet was in fact a wise move...but he dismissed it just as quickly...

After all, they had to learn the hard way.










Immediate Etti-IV orbit...




With a flash of brilliant white , The Jackal ploughed its way into the orbit of Etti-IV, its massive bulk cleaving its way through a passing contingent of fleeing inhabitants, and might have been CW fighters, either way, they did little to dent the warship's thick armour...

Papagallo turned to face his Segundo once again, and barked his orders...


"Raise shields! Block all communications! Launch fighters! Scan for hostiles, I want targets!"

"Aye aye Cap'n"


His one good eye sparkled as it took in the incoming data...


As the present position of the other warships came in he smiled a feral grin... with a stroke of luck it seemed they had blind-sided the two ships, who were evidently fighting it out between themselves on the other side of the planet...


As the men responded their readiness, he growled out an order..

"Attack!"








The motley crew of uglies and other mis-shapen fighters launched from every place possible, a mix of warpods, stolen Y-wing bombers, but the bulk were made up of Headhunters....

They began to spread out and around the ISD like a swarm of angry wasps...


Hungry for their first target...


Many broke from the pack and headed for the surface...

His probing had initiated the device’s self-destruct mechanism.

...the scientist tried to access or prod the interior workings with sound harmonics. Evidently, a particular sound harmonic reverberated against something called a resonator and the band exploded putting a large hole in the scientist-Tan's desk.

He went over to the Comm-Tan and spoke briefly, instructing the lesser-Tan on what he wanted.

After a bit, he ordered the Comm-Tan to send out a broadcasting signal. The wave should amplify off the atmosphere of the planet...

"Attention Treacherous Dogs of the Commonwealth. This is Cappy-Tan, Conqueror. You have entered Tan Space and are not welcome. You may now plead for your life."

Wilkar raised an eyebrow.

Turning to the communication officer, he asked, “Do you know who this guy is?”

And the self destruct was triggered. But nothing happened automatically. No, there was a safety feature that allowed for 60 seconds..

You have sixty seconds to surrender the planet to me, or my ship opens fire. Choose widely,” he added, cracking a seldom seen smile.

Comm-Tan and Cappy-Tan and XO-Tan looked at each other.


What was this widely thing they would have to choose?


*

“Alright shoot that fucker now and tell the armored division to start shelling,” he said, voice dripping with satisfaction.

“But.. But.. Sir… It’s only been fifty-five seconds,” began the gunnery officer. He was a stickler for fair play.

“How about telling someone who gives a shit lieutenant? Now shoot him!” yelled the admiral.

5...


4...


3...


2...


1...

The Rapier’s turbolaser batteries, firing solutions already targeted, immediately lashed out against the Tan warship.

And abruptly stopped for the bridge crew of the Rapier had lost their right (or left for that matter) hand as their syn-bands exploded, sensing the amplified harmonic probe send through the ship's comm system which triggered their self-destruct mechanism that the Commonwealth so conveniently put on their devices.

Cappy-Tan wondered how many CW people died from Syn-band related causes each week and probably thought the manufacturers of the bands would probably keep that info a secret.



...


As Admiral Wilkar looked at his own hand wondering what Caprician Clannus Prime or other pantheon of gods looked over his sorry ass sparing him from the horrible debilitation that had been wrecked on every other person among the bridge crew, he, at first, did not sense that his craft had fallen silent.

There was blood everywhere as others moaned in pain at their bloody stumps. The bridge was in lock-down since it was at battle-stations and since the syn-bands exploded with no warning, no one had called the medics to the bridge, not that anyone could have unlocked the bridge as their minds were on other things... like their bloody stumps!


"The shooting stopped!" Sensor-Tan shouted and Cappy-Tan raised a fist in the air.


"Fire!"

And the mothership, a refitted Imperator opened up on the Commonwealth ship called Rapier.

It's shields flashed in response and the ship, while with power, was under no sense of control and it showed.

"Fire at everything!!" Cappy-Tan shouted as all the weaponry he had at his disposal was launched at the stumpy's ship.

"New Enemy!" Shouted a Sensor-Tan and Cappy-Tan turned to him in disgust.


**

"Raise shields! Block all communications! Launch fighters! Scan for hostiles..."

Hopefully not in that order or the fighters would smash against their own shields..


Cappy-Tan saw that the new arrival was closer to the Commonwealth ship than he even as the ship fired on both of them.

"Send an envoy to them!" he shouted to his Diplomat-Tan.

"Take gifts!" he shouted at their backs.