Hiding under the table, the four explorers waited until the party of Furen had passed. It took a considerable effort, but they managed to hold down Shlump as well, whose strong sense of nationalism (read: fascism) kept him from hiding without help.

Eventually, the twelve Furen passed by, and they returned to their seats, watching the hulking creatures leave.

For those who aren’t familiar with them, Furen are of Azguard stock, only twisted over about four-hundred-thousand years of dark side manipulation that have corrupted them from their original forms into twisted, stark creatures. Unlike a usual Azguard, which is built for all situations, a Furen is built only for war - only as a tool. They were stripped of their willpower, shorn clean from their compassion, and alienated from most forms of deodorant - a tactic possibly added as a weapon against their enemies, to inspire fear as they approached on the battlefield, or the result of them just being gross.

They served the dark gods of the Furen, those exiled from Azguard for their misdeeds. To see twelve walk down the street as casually as you like is akin to seeing some terrible demon of yore weighing up fruit in a supermarket. Frelgrin kept his eyes on them until they finally rounded the corner at the end of the street before speaking again to his fellows.

“So... there are Furen here.” he said flatly. The others nodded. “Great. Just what we needed. Now what do we do?”

“Do you think they followed us?” said Yiffin, nervously. “Maybe they’ve been watching us - I hope they haven’t been watching us - they’ve been watching us, haven’t they?”

“Calm down.” said Shlump “The inferior Furen could never infiltrate our number nor spy on our actions.”

“Indeed, I concur” said ...well, his name-tag said Wade “The ones you speak of couldn’t possibly be spying on you. But could you repeat your point again into my carnation?”

“Hm? Oh, sure.” said Shlump, who promptly repeated himself.

Frelgrin was fairly bright, not just so far as this group went but was just generally intelligent. Despite the fact that there should be four of them, and currently four chairs were occupied, he was intelligent enough to know that ‘Wade’ was not one of the people he had left with - that person being ‘Freewater.’

Plus, the paper-bag with eyeholes and the word ‘Azguard person’ written on it pulled over the Furen’s head was a bit of a giveaway. Furen are not known for their intelligence.

“Um... Wade? Would you mind looking that way for a minute?” said Frelgrin.

“Sure, I am happy to oblige, as I am an Azguard person and certainly not a spy.” he said. He turned, and Frelgrin knocked him out with a drinks tray.

“Hey!” shouted Shlump, jumping up. “You just knocked out our good friend and longtime ally Wade!”

Frelgrin sighed “Since when have we ever known a Wade?”

“He saved our lives from a Furen army on Hurok!”

“That was Freewater.”

“Er... He... helped crown the king of Warmart!”

“Freewater again, I’m afraid.”

“He was crucial in stopping the assassination plot on Cerea-”

“Freewater too.”

...

“Where is Freewater, anyways?” said Yiffin “I thought he was going to pick up the tab?”

“I don’t know where he is.” said Frelgrin, pulling up the unconscious Furen “But I bet our friend ‘Wade’ over here will know.”

The three explorers still together dragged 'Wade' to an abandoned warehouse, where they tied him to a chair using conveniently handy ropes.

"All right, talk!" shouted Frelgrin, but the Furen just shook his head and kept his mouth clenched shut.

"It's pointless trying to get any information out of him." said Yiffin. "The Furen might be idiots, but they are clever idiots, they'll have conditioned him to resist any form of persuasion."

Shlump suddenly had an idea. After Frelgrin and Yiffin restrained him and the hammer he'd intended to use to beat a confession out of the prisoner, he had another, slightly better idea.

"I saw this in a movie once." said Shlump "Turn on that stereo, and put in this CD."

Bemused, Frelgrin did so, and the strains of 'Backstreet's Back' began to strain his ears. Embarrased, Shlump guestured to skip ahead a few tracks, and the song 'Stuck in the middle with you' began.

From his pocket, Shlump drew a wickedly sharp razor, and began dancing around Wade in the most mysterious manor. "So, are you going to tell us where you took our luggage carrier, or will we have to get violent?" The Furen firmly shook his head. "Well, all right then."

Shlump had at him with the razor in such a way that I cannot describe with the written word. Frelgrin and Yiffin stood by, aghast and horrified by the callousness of Shlump and the screams of Wade, mixed in with that infernal song, "Stuck in the middle with you."

Finally, Shlump backed off. "Now tell me where Freewater is, or I'll shave off the rest of your beard!"

Wade, who had until now sported a long and well-kept beard, was reduced to a quivering goatee. He moaned, and said. "We took him to the... to the... the food court." and with that, he broke down into tears.

Frelgrin, feeling guilt wrack his body, let Wade go, and turned to discuss this turn of events with his other two colleagues. Yiffin was giving Shlump a wide berth.

"Now what do we do?" said Shlump.

"...I'm guessing we go to the food court, Shlump." said Frelgrin. "Since that's, y'know, where they said Freewater is."

"Oh, ok. Where is that again."

"Where else?" said Frelgrin, and with that, he pointed to a recently-established franchise store - your friendly neighbourhood Warmart.

The Furen sat about the food court's many tables, lounging as it were, around their guest, Freewater. Freewater himself was, at this time, enjoying his happy meal. Everyone else had cleared out for the day - some had smelled trouble, others had smelled the Furen.

The three Azguard explorers entered quite suddenly, marching directly across the labyrinth of little seats and tables bolted to the ground and dragging the inconsolable figure of Wade behind them. There was a murmure of discord amongst the Furen as they got a good look at what had been done to Wade's beard, but that quickly died down as what appeared to be their leader gestured for them to be silent.

"As you can tell, we wanted to speak with you."

"Oh, you wanted to speak with us, did you?" said Yiffin, trotting out the snobby sarcasm. "Well, if I recall correctly, the common protocol for that is to go up to someone and start speaking to them, not kidnapping their bag-carrier and lounging around a mall all day."

"Don't bother reasoning with them." sniffed Shlump "They're savages, violence is the only language they speak."

"Yiffin, Shlump, heel." said Frelgrin tersly. Despite their punctured egos sputtering in the air, the two managed to keep quiet, as it began to sink in they were being arrogant to about a dozen large, muscle-bound guys with nothing to do and no one watching.

"I apologize for the unorthodox way we got your attention" said the Furen's leader "but it was necessary to avoid attracting undue attention - besides, your friend may not be too bright, but he tends to draw a weapon on anything remotely suspiscious. It was better that we neutralize him early on."

"All right then." said Frelgrin. "Tell us, what do you want to talk about?"

The Furen moved a few chairs closer so that he was within polite speaking distance of Frelgrin. "We saw your ship landing, and we know who you are and what you represent. We ask that you do not enter this world into the Coalition."

"Why would that be?" asked Frelgrin, curiosity piquing his interest. "Why would the Furen care if Fwillsving was part of the Coalition or not?"

"Oh, you misunderstand us." said the Furen Leader "We are not here representing the Furen Nation, we are here as exiles - those who reject the ways of our people, left to wander space aimlessly. We have to go somewhere, of course, so we go here. Fwillsving is a home for many who are lost, as are we. There is a small, thriving population here of us, and we fear that joining the Coalition will reveal the planet to too many prying eyes, perhaps those of our people, who might desire revenge."

"Well, you bring up a good point, and we will certainly consider it. In the mean-time, however, we will leave Wade with you, and will be taking back Freewater, or else I say the trigger-word and Freewater begins tearing off heads."

"That is fair."

"So, what are we going to do about the Furen?" said Frelgrin, as the four of them sat once more back at the cafe patio.

"Well..." said Shlump "We could laugh at their petty pleas for mercy and expose them to the wrath of their fellows for our own amusment."

"Maybe..." said Yiffin. "Or we could claim we discovered them here, write a book about it, and become wealthy with the movie rights?"

"Or..." Said Freewater "We could... uh... hm..." And then Freewater very slowly fell over.

Frelgrin sighed. "This is why I never ask you guys for advice. Ok, this is what we're doing. When we meet with the Fwillsving High Council thing, we'll ask them to put some effort into masking the presence of the Furen here - give them cover stories or cosmetic surgery or something. Maybe deoderant, although that'll be more for the smell then to effectively hide them. The Furen Empire simply isn't bright enough or cunning enough to sniff out a few exiles hiding out on a planet far, far away. I sincerely doubt they'll be a problem."

Shlump snickered. "Remember when we were tasked to find a way to set back the Furen's plan for counter-invasions after the fall of Hurok? We just put cardboard cutouts of the Azguard army and stood them up on a distant moon. They're still in a drawn-out siege of the place, they haven't been able to figure out yet that no one's manning the guns."

"Oh, was that the week I was off sick?" said Yiffin. "I remember now, that's why we haven't heard so much from them these days."

"Yeah, that could be a reason we could say retroactively happened to justify a major plothole." said Frelgrin, pouring on the sarcasm.

"Well that was a waste of time." said Yiffin, delicately removing the last few tarred feathers from his back. "We would have been better off talking with trained monkeys then this lot. All they cared about was taxes."

"I agree" said Shlump "trained monkeys would at most just throw feces at us, which I can handle. There's obviously no reasoning with them, I say we just declare this mission a disaster and go home."

"I like monkeys." said Freewater. "I wonder if monkeys like the band called the Monkeys?

"It's obvious we're not going to impress these country-bumpkins in suits. Even if they've got a cosmopolitan planet and an innovative approach to society's roles, their leaders are still small-town at heart. What we need is someone who'll put them in such awe that they'll do what he says." Said Frelgrin.

"Can we go back to the ship then?" said Shlump. "At least there we can clean up and come up with a plan."

"Shlump? Mark this day on your calendar." said Yiffin. "This is officially your first good idea."

They then began slap-fighting each other.

Later, the group returned to the ship. Frelgrin had just finished filing his report and had sent it to the TARGET office. "With any luck, we'll be called back, and they'll just give up on this planet. Y'know, this has gotten me thinking. I don't need to quit exploration, I just need to take it easy. Relax a little. Maybe sit out the next mission."

"My god, he's gone into shock." said Yiffin. "The failure here has killed his will to live."

"No, no, I'm fine." said Frelgrin. "I just think maybe I should take more time off, do less work, y'know? I shouldn't stress out too much about every little thing. If anyone needs me, I'll be putting my fingers into the electrical outlet and playing with the switches."

It was as they were scuffling to keep Frelgrin together that they recieved a sudden return message. From Regrad.

To recieve a message from the Prime Minister like this would roughly be the equivalent of a postman complaining about a difficult house on his rounds, and Paul Martin (Or George Bush, or Tony Blair, or whoever rules where you live) showing up to talk to the house's owner and console the postman.

"...It's the Prime Minister." said Frelgrin, shortly, as he read the letter. "It looks like he's coming here, he wants to convince the Fwillsvingers personally."

"So... the Prime Minister is coming." said Yiffin. "...What should we do?"

"Maybe he's going to recognize our achievments?" said Shlump, hopefully. "I bet if we ask he'd make us kings of this place, after all the work we've done for him. Then, of course, I'd have to seize power from the rest of them. There can only be one, after all..."

"I'll tell you what we'll do." said Frelgrin. "We're going to sit tight, wait patiently, and do our best not to mess anything up before he gets here. Absolutely nothing must go wrong, especially whatever it is he wants. We're not about to fail a mission while the Prime Minister is right here."

There came a knocking on the door.

"Who is it, Freewater?"

Freewater looked through the window. "The Furen guys again. They don't look happy."

"You didn't listen to us!" shouted the Furen's leader. "We don't want to join the Coalition, that'll put us in danger!"

Frelgrin, who had regained his strength, leapt up quite suddenly and spoke in a voice that drowned out the Furen "And you honestly think you're any better then the people you left behind? I am shocked and appalled by your behaviour! You're so self-centered that all you care about is your own survival and interests - you claim to be such a step up from the Furen Empire, and yet you fear to take the slightest risk in return for a greater good!

"Being part of the Coalition is hard work, and it's dangerous, and it's unrewarding, and it's even sort of lonely on a galactic scale, but if you're part of it then it means something. Something worth the risk. If you don't understand that, then maybe you would be better off back home."

There was a pause, and then finally the lead Furen said. "All right." He nodded, and quietly, they left."

"That was... easier, then I expected." said Shlump "Good work Frelgrin."

The four explorers did everything they could to prepare for the arrival of the Prime Minister. Frelgrin rolled out a red carpet, Shlump rented a speeder limo, Yiffin picked up their suits from a local dry cleaner, and Freewater made some macaroni art to show the High Lord of Azguard and Prime Minister of the New Galactic Coalition of Independant Planets. Some locals (at least, they were probably locals, it was hard to tell with the alien races of Fwillsving) had gathered curiously to watch, but Shlump set up some police tape to make it look more official.

Finally, Regrad's shuttle - a slightly more expensive one then the one they had taken - landed gently on starport's pad. The four Azguards scampered into formation (and scuffled as to who got to stand closest to the door), wearing their suits and whatever looked like a medal pinned to it. Freewater had panicked, and now proudly bore the ship's pine air freshener on his chest instead of his Medal of Bravery Under Fire.

The door opened, and Regrad stepped out.

He was not, by nature, a vain person, but to better serve his purpose on Fwillsving he had come in full wartime regalia - thick armour, tall helmet, plumes, the whole lot. Those nearby stood in awe as the twelve foot alien stepped forth, his hands resting lightly on a lengthly and fanciful sword-hilt. He was, in short, dressed to kill. (This bad pun procceeded to cause a psychic backlash that gave nearby force sensitives migraines).

"Ah... Frelgrin, is it?" said Regrad. The four explorers were busy being slack-jawed, so he was left to assume. "I have heard good things. Keep up the quality work then. All right, which way is this Council of Fwillsving?"

Frelgrin was no longer listening. Shlump was barely still breathing. Yiffin was trying to say something witty to impress the Prime Minister, but it came out as a gurgle. Freewater, once again, fell over very slowly.

Regrad sighed. At least his armour was having the desired effect.

Shortly thereafter, they awoke from the shock and drove Regrad to the Council of Fwillsving. As there was no guards, no security devices, and indeed no organization what soever, it was a simple matter for the group to walk right up to the meeting councilmen.

"Hey, we done already told youz that!" The yokel was cut off, as a sharp gasp was heard when Regrad strided into the room. Regrad managed to suppress a small grin, just as he'd imagined, the armour was having the desired effect.

"Ah, it's so good to see the most esteemed and honoured President of Fwillsving." said Regrad, who moved over to where Howard stood.

Howard looked suprised. "It... is?"

"Yes, it is! Come, surely we - as equals, in galactic affairs - can speak together about some important matters between our two great lands?"

Howard's chest seemed to swell with sudden pride and confidence. "Yeah... yeah, it is. Come, let's go to the adjourning room to discuss important business of state!"

Regrad sat, smiling in a benevolent sort of way in all of his majesty towards the comparatively tiny Howard. "I'm glad I have this chance to meet with you, most esteemed President. I have come in person because I have a very special proposition in store for you, something which is uniquely suited to your skills and expertise. The Coalition, in short, needs you."

Howard managed to snap out of the awe, and nodded quickly to Regrad. "Yes, yes, right. You need our help, ok. What for?"

"You see, we truly admire what you've done here - quite a noble soul, you must be, to take in all of these people needing homes - and so we have decided that your way is not only the right thing to do, it is also quite plausible. We want to set up a special Refugee and Evacuation Service Force for the Coalition, whose duty it will be to seek out those in need, those trapped, those caught under the boot of oppression, and bring them to safety.

"To do this, what we need are men of experience and wisdom - men such as yourself, and your fellow councilmen, who have vital experience in these matters! If you join the most exalted ranks of the Coalition as one of our peers, your services and knowledge will be integral to our plans."

"But what about... you know... the taxes?" said Howard, a little suscpicion creeping into his voice.

"Oh, don't worry about those." said Regrad, dismissively "Do you know how many benefits there are to being a part of the Coalition? The money you pay in taxes doesn't just vanish, it goes into things you pay people to do anyways - only now, since it's a government, if someone does their job badly you can elect someone else! Besides, did the heroes of the galaxy ever stop to worry about how much they'd pay in taxes to liberate their people from the oppression of the Empire? Of course not! And neither should you."

Howard was awestruck, smiling and nodding. Regrad reflect that the helmet had been a great idea - it gave him that extra foot of height and shined like a halo in the strong light.

"So you'll join? Excellent! We'll have the forms signed and the details clarified in no time. Clerk Hoose? You can come out now."

In what was almost a clown-car-style exit, Clerk Hoose and a small army of Coalition legal staff, organizers, contractors, specialists, and other experts of the Coalition Infrastructure Set-up team could be seen exiting the comparatively small shuttle Regrad had arrived in, and crossing the distance separating the two buildings.

Regrad knew that his four diplomats, the Fwillsving government, and the experts of Clerk Hoose would be busy for the next few days, but Howard - being a President - wouldn't do anything important until they were done with the setup.

"If you'll excuse me, Howard, I request that you come with me to a meeting on Mon Calamari. As part of the Coalition, we will need your expert input on the first phase of our plan." With that, the two left the planet and set a course for Mon Calamari.

That is the story of how Teth and Fwillsving joined the Coalition, with all of it's twists and turns. I hope you learned a little about yourself during the course of this tale, but failing that, a few cheap laughs will do. The tale of the Coalition and it's adventurous characters, however, does not end here! Onwards, to new tales, and new horizons.