The planet Kegan is not a happy place. For almost all of its' recorded history, the human population that resided on it was subjected to the Greater Good. The Greater Good turns out to be something that sounds good on paper, but in practice, most people found that it was just good for those in a greater position then themselves. However, eventually, and with the help of various Jedi and public-minded individuals, the oppressive regime was overthrown. Kegan joined the Galactic community, and there was much rejoicing.

As a planet, Kegan is not remarkable. There is one big city, which (despite the horrors inflicted within its' walls) was kept surprisingly clean and organized during its' time under the heel of evil. The rest of the planet is dotted in farms and, just lately, environment friendly energy stations and tourist spots.

But unfortunately, Kegan fell under hard times during the Rise of the Empire (This was pre-tourist spots). They had spent millenia under an evil dictatorship, and knew one in the making when they saw it. The Keganite's skill in pointing out and bringing to light the evil, cruelty, lies, and downright nastiness of the Emperor and his cronies made them a favoured target. After the various falls and wars, Kegan was forgotten. It once again escaped into a brooding, internal existance to avoid the troubles of the Galaxy, one almost impossible to breach.

Until now, that is. I mean, it'd be a pretty damn short story if it really was unbreachable...

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A ball of fire could be seen from the towers of the city. In half a minute it had gone from a red speck to a streak of flame shooting through the air. In the minute it took for it to earth itself, there was a sudden panic in the city amongst its' residents, some claiming this was the long-awaited reckoning for contacting the Jedi so many years ago. Others said it was the Empire, back to terrorize them once more. In fact, some of the more articulated speakers probably would have spoken about the probability that it was simply a huge chunk of space debries that would still possess the power to kill them all, if only they had the time.

It came to a rolling crash just short of the edge of the city, the earth thrown about it smothering the flames. As the panic died down, the braver and more curious individuals inched their way to the edge of town, where they could see a quickly cooling lump of deformed metal. Inside could be heard harsh words in a strange and foreign language. Everyone took a leap back as the door was flung open, and in basic a voice could be heard to cry out.

"Just once!" It shouted "I'd like to visit a planet where we DIDN'T have to crash land! Yiffin, pass me that flag so I can tell these dagoes we're claiming this land."

With the strutting confidence of one who doesn't realize the danger they're in, four gangly figures marched confidently through the city and up the main road. People didn't watch so much as they gawped, and tried to understand what had just happened. It took a while, but a nagging doubt worked its' way through to the mind of one of the members of the group.

"Say" said the shortest of the explorers "Um, you all did read the briefing on this planet, right?"

Two of the more refined members gave gestures to imply that they may have some inkling as to what document he spoke of, and it was none of his business wether they'd read it or not because all aliens are pretty much alike. It was a rather complicated gesture, as you could guess. The fourth, particularly tall and well built, simply furrowed his brow. "What, you mean with... words and things?"

The short one sighed "Yes, Freewater, words and things."

"One dagoe is much like the rest, I find" said Shlump, with a rather distinct sniffing look.

"I would ask you politely to stop calling them dagoes" whispered Yiffin.

Shlump, surprised to see his partner in arrogance acting that way, asked "Whyever should I?"

"Because it appears countless armed guards are following us."

Shlump turned, and indeed they were being followed by what must be half of Kegans’ military, cautiously watching the visitors as they made their way to the biggest building in the centre of the city (Always the centre of power.) Shlump waved dismissively, and as almost a reflex action gestured for Freewater to lower the huge firearm he had begun to draw to meet these new people with and perhaps to get to know them better. "They won’t harm us, they’re too dazed by our magnificance."

"That’s not how you spell magnificence" said Frelgrin absentmindedly. Shlump sunk into an irritated silence, which thankfully lasted right up until they reached the central building to the big city.

There was a pause, as they looked up at it. "It didn’t look so... spiky... from above, did it?" said Frelgrin. Yiffin shook his head.

"Certainly more spiky then I recall. And at this range its’ so much easier to make out the... Decorative frescoes" he said. It was also perhaps the first time anyone had referred to what Yiffin had been looking at as decorative frescoes. Horrifying and stomach-churning had surely been used before, but frescoes was a new one.

Freewater lost interest quickly, which made him the first to notice something else. "Those guys have stopped following us, they’re just hiding over there." and then he pointed out down the street, where indeed every idly curious and heavily armed member of their informal escort had fallen back behind an unmarked line around the tower. Frelgrin pulled a face.

"I smell ominous coming on. And whenever we find something ominous, we’re the ones to deal with it..."

As if on cue, one wretched figure made his way with great reluctance over the line and towards the four explorers. In a hiss of basic, the man said "What are you doing?? Have you any idea how dangerous it is here?"

"What did I tell you?" said Frelgrin. "Come on, lets’ here it"

Slightly taken aback, the man continued "Many years ago this tower was erected in the name of the Greater Good" (involuntary shudder) "But it turned into a tower of evil, and corruption, as powerful dictators exploited the people for countless years - "

"Yes, yes, very touching" said Shlump "But more importantly, why is it still here?"

"Well..." said the man "Its’ kind of hard to remove. The spirits still remain, clinging to the tower"

"And are ready to exact revenge, or sleep only until disturbed, or something appropriately spooky like that, right?" said Yiffin.

"Uh... yeah..." said the man, confused.

"I think I can tell what’ll happen, but nonetheless, you better take us to your leader." said Frelgrin.

The man just stood and gawped at the unusual flippancy of the visitors. In aide, Freewater patted him on the back and said "Don’t worry, we do this sort of thing all the time."

Of course, although they wouldn’t know this, a couple days later, a stone gargoyle will come loose and land on the man who had reluctantly entered the area of the tower. While he was standing in a forest. Which just goes to show sometimes there’s a damn good reason people don’t get close to the bing scary temple filled with ghosts.

Although disappointed by the defeat of their "biggest building" theory, the explorers were still lead to a modestly impressive building in the possession of the real city leader, President Haynes. Haynes himself, along with several assistants and colleagues, had turned out for the arrival of the explorers, and as they ascended the steps up to the building, he met them half-way.

"Its' been quite a long time since we've had any visitors" said Haynes, who obviously had been hoping it would stay that way. "What brings you to our fair city?"

Frelgrin, by virtue of him being the only one Haynes could meet eye to eye without craning his neck, was aknowledged as the group leader by all those present. He responded as such "Well, I was wondering if you and your people might be interested in joining the New Coalition?"

Haynes waited, hoping for a little bit of elaboration. After a moment, Frelgrin tried again "The... New Coalition? Intergalactic Organization of Good, Freedom, and Individuality? Ring any bells?"

Haynes still seemed politely ignorant. Frelgrin sighed "I do so hate it when they leave this to us. Okay then..."

With a guesture, Freewater was directed to distribute thin, glossy pamplets to the surrounding individuals. As if speaking from an internal teleprompter, Shlump began "The New Coalition comma and it's present representatives comma do hearby extend our warmest greetings to the leader slash leaders slash representatives delete whichever is innappropriate of this fair planet and or country period."

Yiffin continued "We are here to offer you a once hyphon in hyphon a hyphon lifetime opportunity to join a growing organization of planets comma nations comma and people who are dedicated to preserving our idependance and ways in this time of chaos slash war slash hunger slash good movie shortage delete whichever is innappropriate period. We hope you will take this opportunity to make use of the literature being distributed by X of our representatives to learn of the many opportunities that await you period."

With a little, reluctant sigh, Frelgrin finished the little speech with "We hope you will accept our generous offer comma, in the best interest of all parties comma, and in the hope(s) of promoting the common (Insert whichever idealogical belief is favoured here)."

Haynes was capable of maintaining a glassy smile throughout the proceeding, and even when he looked at the pamplet handed to him, seeing something assembled by someone who was vaguely aware that what he wanted had lots of colours and bars and things. Once they were done, he rallied fairly well and finally spoke, in a voice matching his fairly senior age. "I'm most thankful for your, er, fairly interesting introduction, and I'd be glad to bring your desires before a council meeting of Kegan, but I'm afraid that so long as-"

"-Wait-" said Shlump "This is the ominous thing, right?" Frelgrin nodded, and Shlump smiled "Ah, good. All right, so long as I know where I stand."

"...So long as the city is dominated by the dark memory of our past, we cannot proceed to a brighter future." said Haynes, doing his best to ignore interruptions. "If someone were to remove the taint on our fair city by braving the dark tower, then we would perhaps be safe once again, and interested in your proposal."

Frelgrin sighed, obviously resigned to a fate he had been expecting. "I see" he said "A three-fifteen. Ok, So thats' one dark-tower removal, with extra-strength Taint Remover. What time is it now? Eleven? Ok, we'll be back by lunch if we go now."

Yiffin frowned "But surely this task could be delegated to someone else. This sounds almost like... like work." Shlump and Freewater froze up in the tracks. Frelgrin quickly assuaged their fears, that this was not work but an opportunity. That seemed to work, and they were off.

Once Haynes saw that they had left, he cursed under his breath. But they would have to do, he supposed. Right now he had bigger problems.

So they went back to the tower. The door wasn't locked, but it was pretty heavy. It took a good shove or two, and once they were open, a wave of undead spirits caused a minor nuisance with the wailing and the gnashing of teeth, and then they were in.

It was less... spooky, then they'd expected. The walls were made of stone, but it wasn't quite as ominous as it could have been. There was even a ragged bit of fabric on the floor which Frelgrin had a sneaking suscpiscion was a welcome mat. Still, it had to be investigated, so they proceeded.

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Elsewhere, Haynes was holding a super-secret meeting, deep underground. All World-leaders on all worlds everywhere do this at some time or another, but Haynes was a real super-secret meeting buff. His meetings were so secret even people who were there didn't know they'd been there. This tended to cause confusion.

"Our plan is going ahead as... well... planned, I guess." said a shadowy figure in a chair.

"Excellent" said Haynes. "And what about... other matters?"

A second shadow spoke up "They are going well also. It appears all issues have been dealt with, leaving matters free to meet with our plans."

"So, everything is falling into place." Said Haynes, leaning back "Although the explorers could throw a cog into our plans..."

"Have no fear, Master Haynes." Said a third, and considerably more manly shadow "I have seen to it that there shall be no interference with our plans OR our matters, and certainly nothing to stop us dealing with issues."

"Good" said Haynes "If all goes according to plan this should be our last meeting. By tommorow we will all be very very successful in our plans, although I am not feeling at liberty to divulge the details, as I'm sure they've very carefully NOT been discussed or implied beforehand."

Everyone nodded, they'd long ago gotten used to the way Haynes spoke. Apparently, he'd seen a movie once where someone taped the villain plotting, and things ended badly for him, and he'd never been quite the same ever since.

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The explorers walked through the only-mildly-spooky tower's corridors and climbed its' stairs. The walls were covered in low-quality cobwebs, but here and there could be seen scratches and slashes in the stone, implying either a large fight had once happened here, or someone with steel fingernails had once fell down the entire stair-case.

"I'm getting bored" said Shlump, with a sigh "What are we looking for again?"

"Hopefully anything we can sell or use to impress other proffessors at parties." whispered Yiffin in reply "Doctor Shun-Shoo has been showing off that neolithic skull of his for far too long, if we find something interesting we can finally show him who's boss."

"Why are we whispering?" whispered Freewater, who turned out to be a mere foot behind the two scientists.

"What's all that about?" Asked Frelgrin from a bit ahead and several feet down. "I didn't quite catch all that."

"Oh, just discussing how we're here trying to find a way to help the people of Kegan, nothing more then that." said Yiffin airily. But suddenly, the walls of the building shook, and they scrambled to keep their footing. As it subsided, everyone turned to Freewater.

"Freewater" said Shlump, who sighed heavily "Remember what we said about firing anti-armour rockets indoors?"

"It wasn't me." he said "My gun in pocket."

"He's right, you know" said Yiffin "His guns' away, it wasn't him."

"Then what was it?" Said Frelgrin, before anyone could stop him. For you see, this is a trigger word, which, once said, something must happen in response to it, like saying "At least it can't get any worse!"

They did not wait long for an answer. A roar from above them and the sound of something heavy charging down a flight of stairs met their ears. This wasn't going to be good...

Ghosts! Big ones, small ones, vertically and horizontally challenged ones, all streamed down the stairs. The explorers shrieked in terror (except Freewater) and immeadietly made haste back down the stairs, desperate to escape the tower (Except, again, Freewater). The Ghosts were doing the usual gnashing of teeth routine, and hit Freewater like a wave, although having no discernable effect.

Once outside, the three explorers slammed the door, after a minor fight as to who would get out first. They gulped air like a steam engine, and slowly sank to the floor.

After a suitable interval had passed, Shlump felt a comment was nessecary. "Ghosts..." he tried.

"Yeah" said Yiffin.

"Pretty... spooky, really."

"Yeah"

"...I wonder how much we could make in grants studying one?"

Yiffin shrugged "A good 8.5k of goverment grants per week, plus 10+k via fund-raising and private donations I'd say, although thats' just a rough estimate."

Frelgrin had something on his mind, however. "Wasn't there... one more of us when we went in?" His colleagues considered this.

"Freewater" they said in unison, with a sort of sigh.

"I guess we better go back in and save him, or something" said Shlump, cautiously. But his tone was picked up on by Yiffin, who snorted.

"Not afraid of a bunch of ghosts, are you?" He said "We're men of science, surely we don't believe such hogwash?"

"You do remember all the ghosts that just chased us out of the tower, don't you?" Said Frelgrin, cautiously. "I'm pretty sure that should at least suggest a theory by which ghosts might be real."

"Not at all" said Yiffin "It could have been the reflection of marsh gas off the moons of Jupiter, or something?"

"Marsh Gas?" Said Shlump

"Jupiter?" Said Frelgrin, but Yiffin was unabashed, and was even-now beginning to aim his nose at an angle usually reserved for such acts of snobbery.

"Well, if you're cowardly, and easily fooled into believing a bunch of Ghosts are out to get us, and are prepared to leave an important mission only half-completed (Oh, and Freewater in peril, I guess), I guess I'll have to complete this adventure myself, and reap all book and movie rights."

"Well, see here now" said Shlump, his voice rising as he felt his valued position as chief egotistical and arrogant scientist was being challenged "I said nothing of the sort, it was Frelgrin here who actually said he wanted to chicken out. I'm made of far manlier stuff then him, and about six feet more of it too."

Frelgrin, despite the hurtful comment about how short he was, was not easily fooled. Of course, he still wanted to save Freewater and finish the mission, but he also wanted to do it without making them think he was doing it just to meet their idiocy contest point for point. So he said nothing, at least, not yet.

"Right, that's that settled then." said Yiffin, and with that he kicked in the door. At first, it was abysmally dark, but as their eyes quickly adjusted, a mad sight met their eyes. The three explorers stood slack-jawed with confusion, unable to comprehend it all.

It was well-known that Freewater was capable of fighting pretty much anything. It was his one and only skill. But the ability to take the spirits of the damned and give them what could only be described as an atomic wedgie, is something which could keep the scientists of Azguard fat on grant-money for decades to come. Freewater just stood in the middle of the room, grinning innanely at nothing. Cautiously, his friends approached.

"Freewater?" Said Frelgrin cautiously "Are you all right?" Freewater nodded "What did... how did you... Why did you pull the underwear of the damned up over their heads?"

Freewater shrugged, and said "They were geeks, I figured it was what I was supposed to do."

Shlump frowned "Ghosts, Freewater. They're ghosts, not geeks." It took a few seconds for this to sink in, but when it did, Freewater yelped in fear, and landed heavily upon Shlump, whose knees gave out.

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Haynes looked at the papers before him, all carefully written as if they were relaying such innocent information as budget plans and internal memoes. At least, he was pretty sure these were encoded messages written to look like budget plans and memoes, unfortunately both get sent into the same in-tray.

But either way, he was still pretty sure secret things were taking place, and that he was the hub of them. He wrote a message, properly encoded to look like a simple note about the weather, and send it down the chain of command. Of course, he didn't know wether the message was about the weather or secret, because it was encoded. He reminded himself to figure out how to read the secret code, because he was pretty sure everyone was laughing at him behind his back. Encoded though, so he wasn't completley sure.

Haynes, on an impulse, got up and looked out the window. There, the dark tower loomed as it always did. And, he could see several figures making their way towards it. Excellent, so his plan really was unfolding, just as he knew it would. He had been worried the code would be too complicated for his agents to understand, but it looks like they have.

Haynes went back to his desk, and gave some thought to the unusual explorers who had come to his planet. They were interested in Kegan joining the Coalition, were they? Well, fair enough, he'd give it due consideration. It was after all his job to do so. But the people of Kegan had had a lot of bad experiences, especially with good-guys. He made another mental note to go and get someone to clear up the crashed ship, there might be something valuable in the wreckage.

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The explorers continued up the stairs, now put on guard for a sudden ghostly attack. But as yet, nothing had appeared. "So..." said Shlump, one who couldn't let silencelast for more then a few minutes "...Briefs or boxers?"

They reached the top of the tower. It was increasingly dark and unpleasent, but that did not worry the explorers. What they did worry about was what was behind the large, barred, metal, blackened door covered with old blood-stained glyphs. Cautiously, and ever so quietly, they picked up Freewater, aligned his head to the door, and then, ever so carefully, battered it down with the force of their comrade's skull.

And then they were through the door and on to the top of the tower. And what they saw took their breath away, with such horror and awe that any attempt on my part to describe it in mere words would be an offence to even just a fraction of the amazing, brain-blowing, eye-ball exploding, head-imploding sight that they saw. Either that, or I'm stalling for time, because I don't know what to put there. Its' a toss up.

"Wow" Said Shlump.

"Wow" said Yiffin.

"Mph" said Freewater, since his head was stuck in the door.

"I don't see what the big deal is" Said Frelgrin "He hasn't even told us what it is yet."

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Back down at ground level, Haynes was concerned. His agents had recieved their orders, but he was reasonably sure they should have carried them out by now, and yet he was seeing no signal. Not that he knew what the signal would be, or else it wouldn't be a secret signal, would it? Nice try, but Haynes is faster then that.

Out of frustration, he got up and took up his binoculars. Examining the tower, he caught sight of a team of shadowy figures making their way up the tower's steps. Haynes sighed in relief, so they really were on their way. This would all be over soon. Whatever it was, he added.

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Just as the explorers were to learn what the thing they had been looking at looked like, a noise was heard behind them. It was the noise of people being so quiet, they blocked out ambient noise around them, thus making a sort of anti-sound to alert those they were sneaking up on.

Freewater turned in time to stop the spinning knife headed for his face with his nose. He proceeded to run around screaming. Frelgrin managed to roll behind a desk (Yes, there are desks around the thing that is amazing, I'll get to explaining it soon enough!) before a wave of las-fire racked the area he had been in. Shlump and Yiffin, being highly educated, quickly worked out a system whereby they could BOTH be hiding completely behind EACH OTHER, thus ensuring neither could be hit, and with only a 5% chance of rupturing time and space.

Their attackers were three men dressed in traditional assassin's black. It is a considerate action on the side of the assassin that they try to ensure the man who kills you will be at least better dressed then you were. More knives and lasers flew out, pinning the scientists in place (In the case of Freewater, really). Frelgrin had to think fast, these men certainly planned to kill them, that much he could gather.

In a panic, Frelgrin kicked out a leg from a precariously balanced table with a massive stack of rocks on it... wait... there wasn't any table with rocks on it!

"Hey shut up" said Frelgrin "You've given me very little to work with!"

Fair enough. Anyways, rocks fall upon the assassins, crushing them horribly.

"Let's go!" Shouted Frelgrin as he unpinned Freewater from something I have yet to describe. Shlump and Yiffin were already half-way down the stairs. Soon they were all running through the streets of the city.

Haynes had been just sleeping as the explorers made it to the doors of City Hall. In anger they kicked their way in, through the doorm up the stairs, a bit more kicking to get through security. The kicking slowed down when they got to the door to the office itself. Haynes awoke, meeting a huge crowd of confused Keganites and the explorers.

"Haynes!" Shouted Frelgrin in an angry voice "We know what you've been up to!"

Haynes immeadietly paled, and shouted "Really!? But you'll never catch me alive!" And hit a button on his chair. A small rocket pushed him two feet into the air, then quietly let him fall again. "Uh... Usually I keep this thing fueled up..."

"Anyways" said Frelgrin "We know what you've been up to! And we don't like it!"

Haynes, in total confusion and panic, was politely dragged by a less-then-enthusiastic mob, following the explorers out of interest more then any angry-mob feelings. There was a bit of a pause around the door of the tower, but Freewater shouted at them for a while until they conquered their fears (replacing them with a fear of Freewater shouting) and made their way inside.

Up the stairs they went, Haynes in tow, until they reached the door. There was silence, as Frelgrin spoke. "Behind this door is what your beloved leader has been working on, something so terrible he had to hide it in a dark tower and spread a superstitious rumour to keep people away!" Then, under his breath, and to the author he added "Or at least there better be..."

The door opened, everyone gasped, and I said what there was.

For you see, on top of the tower, was a terrifying lair, with tables, desks, and chairs (all designed for maximum foreboding factor) scattered about. A huge computer dominated the center, and every where was evidence of plotting. Not the good kind, either. Plans to solidify power, silence dissenters, and pour more wealth and luxury into the ruling classes lay every where you looked.

People gasped. This they had not expected. Cautiously, they fanned out, and looked in a horrified manner at the most diabolical of schemes, the most terrible of computers, and the most perplexing of big piles of rocks.

Eventually, the people turned to Haynes, and were not happy. The explorers watched as Haynes pleas of "I have no idea what all this is" were ignored and he was dragged back down the stairs again. Rumour and word-of-mouth can travel faster then the speed of light, and up to twelve times the speed of smell, so pretty soon everyone in the city knew.

Haynes was dragged up the steps of the capital building and put down, where his second in command, Eustace, seemed more then happy to take him.

"I've heard everything" said Eustace "And don't worry, we'll make sure to prosecute him to the full extent of the law. Of course, we should probably start by discussing who takes his place, and as senior political-"

"Not so fast" said Frelgrin "We have a little experience in this sort of thing, I think its' better if we interrogate him the old-fashioned way."

This didn't seem to please Eustace at all "Er, we have proper procedure to follow, you know-"

"Now now" said Frelgrin "We wouldn't dream of putting you all through that sort of trouble"

"So" said Shlump, swaggering towards Haynes "We've caught you now, with your dastardly schemes and assassination attempts! There's no hope for you now, you'll probably be hung from the nearest lampost! Go ahead, confess!"

Haynes's brow furrowed. "If me doing this is going to get me hanged, why would I ever want to confess?"

Haynes used the confused lul to come back strong. "And I really didn't know about all this! The only orders I gave were for my men to deliver to you a welcome basket! It was a top-secret welcome basket, that's why I was so secretive!"

Now it was the explorer's brows who furrowed. Yiffin spoke "But surely, you wouldn't have to be secretive about a welcome basket..."

"You'd think so" said Haynes wretchedly "But if word got out I was giving YOU guys a welcome basket, then EVERYONE would want one."

There was a pause, then everyone generally agreed. "Ok, I can see that" said Shlump. "But that doesn't explain who HAS been trying to assassinate us, and has been plotting so much!"

Eustace finally lost his temper "Look! He did it! We all know it! Let's just drag him off, put him in prison, and get on to making me the new leader! Who cares who sent the two assassins!?"

There was a quiet pause "No body said how many assassins there was" Said Frelgrin slowly "Their bodies were under a pile of rocks, no way anyone but us could have known how many there were..."

Eustace suddenly felt a tectonic mouvment occur under him, moving support away from him and towards Haynes. He desperately tried to recover "I... Remember seeing them! On their way to the tower! Yes! That was it!"

"No you didn't" said Yiffin, slowly, "How would you know they're assassins?"

Eustace was taken with a panic. He tried to run, but was tripped and caught. Everyone cheered as he was dragged struggling away. Haynes was freed, for which he was rather grateful.

"Thank goodness!" He said "Now that that's over, I'd be more then happy to join this Coalition of yours!

And so it was, with great joy, that Kegan returned to the galactic stage as a member of the Coalition. What awaited it in its' Future? Lucrative trade deals and large increases in the industrial sector? A sudden recession followed by Conservative leadership? Retirement amongst the supreme court resulting in an overturn of Roe vs. Wade? Who knows, only time will tell!