Except decapitation.

I was decapitated once.

They got there in time.

Before it ever happened.

They being me. Kicking people's asses.

*steals your specs*

*steals your hat*

I am CPR and lifeguard certified. Hah. That's about it.

I'm a licensed bartender. Among a few other things.

I'm a licensed bullshitter.

I'm going to have A+ certifacation pretty soon.

In what? Bullshitting?

No, its for troubleshooting.