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[font=Times New Roman, Times, serif]Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:[/font]
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when
Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is
vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest national priority is
enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
The best way to improve military morale is to
praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests
of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is a
impeachable offense.
A president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in
the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages
and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades,
but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's
an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter
initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at
least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with
Bush for 4 more years.
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
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[font=Times New Roman, Times, serif]Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:[/font]
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when
Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is
vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest national priority is
enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
The best way to improve military morale is to
praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests
of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is a
impeachable offense.
A president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in
the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages
and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades,
but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's
an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter
initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at
least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with
Bush for 4 more years.
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
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