It is finally done. I think of this piece as my premier work, one into which I've placed a lot of thought and alot of work. I wanted to do a quikc thread here gathering your feedback as my fellow rpers and whats more, my friends.

Leave it to Telan to create a thread kudosing his own work.

J/K Telan, you know I love you and the thread. We're still tight.

Bravo, Telan. Bravo.

Heh - I am the board's resident megalomaniac. But seriously, I'm looking for more of a critique than compliments. This was a smidge darker a thread than ever I have done, and so new waters.

I've been reading Shame of Glory since you started writing it actually, and it's been interesting reading as it progressed. I suppose it goes without saying that with the occupation of, and insurgencies in, Afghanistan and Iraq in the news (certainly in the UK and US), the subject matter was particularly poignant.

The length was right: It didn't "go on" too much. I mean, sure, you could have written about what happened to Major Kurff, or what happened to the 2nd Life Guards against the Sith (*grin*) but it would have been unnecessary. I also like the idea of setting it in the (not too distant) past. It gives your own character that much more depth, while not interfering with ongoing storyline of the TRF Galaxy. Of course, it means that whenever I read any of your RPs for Telan, I'll be wondering how much of this family history he knows (bearing in mind that 2500 years is about 100 generations) and how much it's influencing his own actions. The turbolasers being a 'new' technology was a nice touch as well.

You said you wanting a critique though, and I think the only point I would bring up is the end of the insurgency:

You know, they think of me as their savior. They've put me on a pedastal [sic]I do not deserve. Ironic, isn't it? You lost sight of everything except ending the rebellion and it ended with your death.

To illustrate by condensing an excellent story into mere bullet points (for which I sincerely apologise):

1. Republic forces land and defeat native army
2. An insurgency forms with the aim of driving the 'invaders' out
3. Republic forces face mounting casualties and a difficult occupation
4. Republic commander goes mad and starts killing civilians on a large scale
5. Admiral of the Republic Fleet ends the killing of civilians.
6. Insurgency ends.

My criticism (such as it is) is of the leap from step 5 to step 6. If the insurgency started with the aim of driving the Republic forces from the planet ("Invaders, you are not welcome. The Army has surrendered but we fight on until your death. Leave while you can" as they put it) then why would they lay down arms after the killing of civilians stopped? Sure, they'd be pleased that their own folk weren't being killed, but their original aim hadn't yet been accomplished, so why not use the killing of civilians as a propaganda tool to recruit more insurgents?

All things considered though, I enjoyed reading the story (what more can a writer want?) and found it interesting and thought-provoking. Let the record show that I'm only criticising because you asked.

Kudos.