(Just fer laughs, enjoy)
"Tonight, on GNN News, Horrible Aliens - FROM SPACE - were seen descending upon the unsuspecting world of Icrapistan, the small, back-water world that although not owned by the Empire, has a weak government and is well within their space.
"The aliens were reported as making contact with the native populace of humans from their horrible alien space ships, which although looked identical to regular merchant freighters in use by NORMAL creatures across the galaxy, merely proves how strange these aliens are, capable of turning their dangerous alien technology into harmless-looking regular technology.
"After landing in a corn-field outside the planets' capital city of Fug, The aliens were seen drinking tea - POSSIBLY evil alien tea made from the brains of their abducted victims - and writing notes on very thin and bleached slices of trees.
"The police force were quick to respond to the reports the farmers sent of the alien presence by trying to hit the alien menace with mortar shots. Unfortunately, the aliens used some sort of EVIL ALIEN SORCERY to create an invisibel force-field around their ship.
"They then proceeded to fly towards the mortar positions. The valient police force bravely scattered in fear, while the aliens sent out evil alien messages. One police-man, who was recording the event shows us this shocking footage:
*The short clip consists of nothing but the cameraman hiding behind a grassy hill, looking at what looks like a merchat freighter, being piloted by humanoid aliens roughly three meters tall, all grey, and with pointy teeth. They appear to be saying "Hello? Hello? What's going on? We only wanted some bacon. Oh screw it, let's go."*
"Although the government has yet to comment on the footage, we have already had our crack team of interpreters working on the sentances spoken by the aliens. Although it sounds like Basic, we believe it may be alien code either prophesizing the rebirth of Jesus to a mooreman, or all the correct lotto numbers for all time.
"The aliens were then seen flying over the city using cloud cover. Eventually they sent down a landing party of aliens - WHO WE CAN ONLY ASSUME ALSO CAME FROM SPACE - who were seen roming the streets for roughly five minutes, until they came across a super-market. There they bought out - with dangerous-looking ALIEN MONEY FROM SPACE - the entire store's stock of bacon.
"The aliens shortly after were believed to perhaps leave, along with the bacon. The aliens were pursued for a short time by civilian and local military craft, but the chase was discontinued after a real freighter was mistaken for alien and blown up. Oh, and something about the whole crew dying, or something like that.
"WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? To help us figure it out, we have our senior alien analyst here, Jim. Welcome, Jim."
"Great to be here Ted. In my opinion, these aliens were obviously a vanguard for a huge and uprecedented invasion into the galaxy by an army of god-like super-beings. Why else would they purchase so much bacon, but to lower our supplies for the eventual siege?"
"Wow, thanks Jim, but there may be hope for us yet. The government has issued a vermoullion alert - equal to level 72 - and asks everyone to stay indoors, shoot anything that approaches them, shun aliens, donate to the Republican party, and make use of the D.O.W.H.A.T.W.E.S.A.Y. Bill, that gives the government the right to kill people whenever they want on no grounds. In case they're aliens in disguise, the under-handed comie-@#%$."
"And now, for sports."
"Tonight, on GNN News, Horrible Aliens - FROM SPACE - were seen descending upon the unsuspecting world of Icrapistan, the small, back-water world that although not owned by the Empire, has a weak government and is well within their space.
"The aliens were reported as making contact with the native populace of humans from their horrible alien space ships, which although looked identical to regular merchant freighters in use by NORMAL creatures across the galaxy, merely proves how strange these aliens are, capable of turning their dangerous alien technology into harmless-looking regular technology.
"After landing in a corn-field outside the planets' capital city of Fug, The aliens were seen drinking tea - POSSIBLY evil alien tea made from the brains of their abducted victims - and writing notes on very thin and bleached slices of trees.
"The police force were quick to respond to the reports the farmers sent of the alien presence by trying to hit the alien menace with mortar shots. Unfortunately, the aliens used some sort of EVIL ALIEN SORCERY to create an invisibel force-field around their ship.
"They then proceeded to fly towards the mortar positions. The valient police force bravely scattered in fear, while the aliens sent out evil alien messages. One police-man, who was recording the event shows us this shocking footage:
*The short clip consists of nothing but the cameraman hiding behind a grassy hill, looking at what looks like a merchat freighter, being piloted by humanoid aliens roughly three meters tall, all grey, and with pointy teeth. They appear to be saying "Hello? Hello? What's going on? We only wanted some bacon. Oh screw it, let's go."*
"Although the government has yet to comment on the footage, we have already had our crack team of interpreters working on the sentances spoken by the aliens. Although it sounds like Basic, we believe it may be alien code either prophesizing the rebirth of Jesus to a mooreman, or all the correct lotto numbers for all time.
"The aliens were then seen flying over the city using cloud cover. Eventually they sent down a landing party of aliens - WHO WE CAN ONLY ASSUME ALSO CAME FROM SPACE - who were seen roming the streets for roughly five minutes, until they came across a super-market. There they bought out - with dangerous-looking ALIEN MONEY FROM SPACE - the entire store's stock of bacon.
"The aliens shortly after were believed to perhaps leave, along with the bacon. The aliens were pursued for a short time by civilian and local military craft, but the chase was discontinued after a real freighter was mistaken for alien and blown up. Oh, and something about the whole crew dying, or something like that.
"WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? To help us figure it out, we have our senior alien analyst here, Jim. Welcome, Jim."
"Great to be here Ted. In my opinion, these aliens were obviously a vanguard for a huge and uprecedented invasion into the galaxy by an army of god-like super-beings. Why else would they purchase so much bacon, but to lower our supplies for the eventual siege?"
"Wow, thanks Jim, but there may be hope for us yet. The government has issued a vermoullion alert - equal to level 72 - and asks everyone to stay indoors, shoot anything that approaches them, shun aliens, donate to the Republican party, and make use of the D.O.W.H.A.T.W.E.S.A.Y. Bill, that gives the government the right to kill people whenever they want on no grounds. In case they're aliens in disguise, the under-handed comie-@#%$."
"And now, for sports."
