“All right, all right, I accept” said Frelgrin, his words heavy. “I don’t know how you managed it, but I guess I’m in on this trip too.” Frelgrin bowed, and made his way quickly out of the room.

The short Azguard had been addressing a council of the most learned members of TARGET, a subdivision of the Coalition Intelligence Bureau. Since the merging of all intelligence organizations in the Coalition into one thing, there had been some confusion as to who was in charge and where they were supposed to meet. But that had all been sorted out by now, with the smartest (And sometimes, the loudest) stepping in to take command.

Frelgrin had only just got back from Kegan, and he was damn tired. But, he and his “Team” had become the Coalition’s top explorers. They had seeked out new life, and new civilisations, boldly gone where no Azguards had gone before, and had accumulated enough air-miles reward points to purchase a small planet. Sometimes he regretted ever proving that Frozians could have sex under the ground of Hurok, the scientific discovery that began him on this long and meandering journey through space at the behest of the Coalition.

...Not for the last time, Frelgrin reminded himself to leave that bit out of his Biography, maybe changing it into something more appropriate. It’d be a lot easier if the Frozians hadn’t built that damn statue of him. Its’ not exactly the best thing to be remembered for, and the sculptor had really decided to use his imagination as to just HOW Frelgrin had come across his discovery. Apparently the careful study of evolutionary traits and gravitational data wasn’t exciting enough to make a statue out of.

Anyways, it was time to gear up for this latest expedition. This time, they were being sent to the distant planet of Riflor, near Cerea. They knew nothing about it, apart from the fact that it was amongst a dwindling minority of civilisations that had yet to invade the Coalition, and that it had sent a plea for help combined with a request of membership within the Coalition.

“Shlump” he said into a personal comm-unit as he made his way to the equipment shed. “We’ve got a new assignment-“

“What, already?” Moaned Shlump “We JUST got back, I haven’t even had the time to write an entry in my journal.”

“You haven’t got a journal, Shlump” said Frelgrin, as he opened the door to the shed and began appraising the gear spread before him. “We all know you just go home and write an over-inflated version of events for the local paper. Signing your letters anonymous isn’t quite as effective when people in the letter itself address you with your name.”

This didn’t quite deter Shlump as much as it probably should have “The point is still valid, we have only just got back, and that means we deserve some rest and relaxation.”

“If you come on this mission and don’t complain, I’ll give you five dollars.”

“Five dollars? I’m there!”

Frelgrin sighed, as he changed channels on his Comm and began picking up things for the mission. You just needed to know how to talk to scientists.

“Yiffin, call off your fancy dinner party for upper-upper-middle-class academics, we’ve been called up for another mission, this time to Riflor.”

Yiffin was no less annoyed then Shlump. “Honestly, how do they expect us to work at the top of our form if they do not allow us adequate time to rest?”

“Well, the noble call doesn’t rest, and all that” said Frelgrin, struggling with a heavy crate. “Its’ supposed to be low-risk, which will be a nice change of pace from our last assignments.”

“Ha!” Shouted Yiffin, and Frelgrin winced at the scrape of static “That’s what they said about Cerea, and we had to fight assassins on that one!”

“There was very little actual fighting, when you think about it” said Frelgrin, who sighed. He hated having to do this, but it was the only real way to get them to do anything “Listen, I’ll give you five bucks, ok?”

“Hm, your argument has merit. I guess I shall take up your offer. I shall see you at the landing pad. And could you bring the five dollars in change? They installed a new vending machine at the terminal.”

Frelgrin muttered an ok, and turned the comm channel, at last, to Freewater’s channel.

“Freewater, go to the landing pad.”

“Ok”

Frelgrin swung the last bag over his shoulder. There, he had everything they could possibly need. Nets, guns, knives, ropes, ammo, water, food, hats, shoes, blankets, first-aid kit, the list went on and on. He was absolutely sure that they would want for nothing on this next trip.

And obviously, since it’s more funny this way, he will be surprisingly mistaken.

(There was a post here before, but this is a new one.)

Frakutsk the Gungan Jedi and minister of peace for the New Galactic Coalition was still on Emanon, a very odd planet that had just joined the Coalition through Frakutsk's efforts. What, you might ask, is a 'minister of peace'? Well, It is a rather vague title... In fact, even Frakutsk himself was a little shady on the details.

For the first time in a long time, Frakutsk actually sat at his desk. Yes, his desk. Like, the one in his office that he has on Emanon now... What? You've never heard of Frakutsk doing anything but running around at a not-quite-adaquate pace doing weird things to take over planets!? Oh, I see, You've never heard of Frakutsk doing anything but running around at a not-quite-adaquate pace doing weird things to take over planets... and doing a few Jedi-things here and there. Pardon? 'No'?

Oh, You've just never heard of Frakutsk at all. I see.

Well, thats excusable, he isnt the most prominent Figure in the Coalition. In fact, his title is more honarary then anything else. Yes yes, the truth comes out. Shaddup, the same thing could be said about anyone else. Titles are, by definition, honarary. Well, sort of... Eh, Shaddup.

Regardless, Frakutsk was surveying the details and numbers of the life on Emanon, when his holo-pad flickered to life and the figure of an Azgaurdian appeared.

"Greetings!" said the Azgaurdian, who Frakutsk knew as the head of TARGET, "and congradulations on the takeover of Emanon. The details can wait, we have another assignment for you."

Frakutsk rolled his eyes, of COURSE they had another assignment for him, they ALWAYS had another assignment for him. Probably another planetary takeover...

"You'll be suprised to hear that we're sending you on another planetary takeover!"

Gee, never saw that coming.

"You are to assist a group of Azgaurdians on the planet of Riflor, they will most likely need your skills in diplomacy to get these pessimistic people to join the Coalition."

Yeah, they probabably will... the little bunglers.

Frakutsk spoke, "Yesa, sir. Isa know a little about da Advozse, Isa will help da Azgaurds."

"Well then, you know what to do."

"Yesa, I do."

The Azgaurd smiled, bowed, and the holoveiwer turned off.

Well, Frakutsk had another assignment. First, he would have to say good-bye to Emanon though... literally.

Frakutsk reached into the advanced conciousness of the planet that was all around him, and spoke to it.

Isa will be leaving soon, Emanon.

Leaving, to where?

Riflor...

Ah, I know of them from your ship's computer. Those other-selves will need much to move beyond their gloomy outlook on life.

Wow, for someone who just got in touch with the rest of reality and the galaxy a couple of days ago, this planet sure was quite analyctic and well-informed.

Yousa quite right. See yousa later then!

Indeed, may the force be with you.

Maysa da force be with yousa too.

And with that, Frakutsk left to the planet Riflor on his small shuttle after packing up his few belongings.

The TARGET ship with the Azguards in it took off first, with plans to ensure a safe landing site for the Jedi's arrival. In cramped corners, the five explorers struggled to get comfortable.

"Wait" said Frelgrin "Five? I thought the Jedi was coming on the other ship?"

Oh, he is.

"Well then who's the fifth person?" asked Shlump.

What, you mean I hadn't written the fifth person in yet?

"No, you haven't"

Oh. Ok, I better do that now then. Near the back of the ship, cramped and uncomfortable, sat Ensign... uh... you know, I don't know his name. Well, that's not important, he's an Ensign wearing a red shirt assigned to the mission, that's all you really need to know.

Anyways, crammed into their little ship, they sat out the trip through hyperspace, which was thankfully short. Finally, arriving on the other side of the galaxy, Riflor came into sight.

"Ah, at last" said Frelgrin. "My leg was falling asleep. Quick, land the ship."

Freewater squinted out the viewport at the infinite blackness, punctured only by stars and a nearby orb of fire. "Uh... where is planet again?"

"It's the planet shaped thing, obviously" said Shlump, rolling his eyes.

"Not nessecarily" said Yiffin, in scholarly tones "Remember the amazing not-at-all-round planet of Piung 4? That was a polyhedron of immense proportions, if I recall."

"Oh yeah, like the discworld" said Freewater, relieved.

"Isn't the discworld fictional?" said Shlump, puzzled. But he was quickly hushed by Frelgrin and Yiffin.

"Anyways" said Frelgrin "This one is supposedly planet-shaped, so look out for something like that."

Freewater eventually, cautiously pointed into the darkness. "Like that?"

As the other explorers raised their eyes, they could now see a planet as sunlight fell upon it, one of cracked rock and jagged metal, spiked in all directions. Dark, shadowy clouds passed over it ominously, and they were sure that if not for the fact you couldn't hear in space, there would be thunder, wolf-howls, and a scary organ playing.

Frelgrin gulped "That's the one."

After lots of arguing, they eventually decided to continue their mission, and came to a tentative landing on the planet's surface. Riflor had apparently suffered an awful ecological disaster, forcing the people of Riflor - called Riffles - to live underground. None had heard much of them for years, so this was going to be difficult.

It was about ten minutes into the mission before an anvil landed on the Ensign.

And about another ten minutes before they noticed.

Frakutsk the Gungan Jedi initiated hyper-drive. It was now only a matter of time before he reached Riflor. He decided it was time to do a little reaserch on the Riffles - er.... I mean Advozse. Frakutsk already knew a little about the Advozse... mostly just what they looked like, and the fact that they were totally negative, expecting the worst and getting the worser.

Hmmmmmm

La dee da.

Da dee la la la.

Frakutsk read a little from the NGC's database.

He learned some stuff.

Mostly about the THREE suns of the planet Riflor, and how they stretched burned and grinded the planet... there was a whole lot on that. Thousands of scientific speculations about how there could possibly exists three suns in one solar system.

And then Frakutsk immerged from hyperspace in the mid rim.

"Owsaaaaaaaa!... da light!" exclaimed Frakutsk. He held up his arms to sheild his eyes from the burning light of three suns. Fortunatly, the droid unit piloting Frakutsk ship was, being a droid, totally unaffected by the light. It continued on its course to the planet Riflor.

Frakutsk neared the planet and observed its terrible tectonic condition... having three suns does that to a planet. Large spikes and the like protruded, it was indeed quite interesting.

Finnally, Frakutsk Landed on the planet, with only minor difficulty finding the rendez-vous location to meet up with the team of azgaurdian explorers.

Suprisingly, one of them was lying on the floor, injured.

"Oh, nosa!"

Exclaimed Frakutsk as he ran to the injured Azgaurdian and liften off of him the... Anvil?!

"Are yousa OK, what happened?"

Little did Frakutsk know, murphey's fifteenth law clearly stated: 'All new, and under-developed, characters to a continuing plot, are there to either get injured or killed'. And indeed, that is exactly what these bungling Azgaurd explorers had become.

"Greetingsa, wesa here to meet da Advozse, and try to have demsa join da Galactic Coalitionsa, whatsa have yousa learned so far?"

The explorers didn't seem overly interested by Fraktus's approach, and instead formed a huddle amongst themselves.

"Was that an... anvil?" said Frelgrin slowly.

"I think so" said Yiffin, clearly befuddled "But it clearly violates the law of Anvils, whereby each Anvil must have a value of A exceeding roughly three fifths the width of the target."

Frelgrin rolled his eyes "Yeah, because that was just what was confusing me about the whole thing too."

"What about the alien thingy?" asked Freewater "It scared me."

"Don't worry" said Shlump, reassuringly "It can't get you here, we're in a huddle. It's probably some sort of indiginous person, maybe the anvil is his. Whatever he is, his language isn't one logged in our databanks."

They all turned to Fraktusk, who had put down the body and was now looking quizzically towards them. "Hellosa?" He asked.

The explorers turned back amongst them. "See? It's all gibberish to me." said Shlump. "And I have an honorary degree in speakomatology."

"I heard of an ancient Yuelisk technique, involving the gargling of the throat." said Yiffin airlily "Supposedly, the proccess could create a sound comprehensible in every alien language as various basic words."

Frelgrin could tell when he heard Yiffin's tone it was rubbish, but it was also easier to let him go on with his ridiculous schemes then to try and slow him down, so he sighed, and said "Go ahead".

Yiffin sauntered over to Fraktusk, and in a self-confident manner started to gargle loudly and incoherently at the Jedi. When Fraktusk only looked back in confusion, Yiffin declared the creature to be deaf, and returned fuming into the huddle.

"That's not how you speak to someone who speaks foreign." said Shlump, who shook his head. "Let me show you."

Shlump rose, and strode over to Fraktusk, who was by now beginning to feel amused by the explorer's antics. "Bon Jorno! We-Want-To-Help-You, But-No-Speako-Dago! Comprendez?" After a moment or two, Shlump tried again "Senor, Please-Speak-In-Basic, Grassy-ass."

Shlump, too, gave up. He returned to the huddle "I say we just move on and ignore him."

"Wait a minute" said Frelgrin slowly. "We're waiting for a Jedi, right? Maybe this alien in a meditation robe and carrying a lightsaber is the guy we're looking for!"

Yiffin frowned. "I don't see him, is he behind the oddly-speaking creature?"

"He is the oddly speaking creature, Yiffin."

Frakutsk just blinked. Apparently, these Azgaurds had never seen a Gungan before... also apparently, they were not accustomed to meeting members of new species, something which one would guess they would be, being explorers and all.

Frakutsk was very weirded out by the gargling azgaurd, and then again by the one that spoke weirdly. Finnally, they seemed to understand. Frakutsk was relieved... at least they weren't totally brainless.

"Yesa, explorers, Isa am da Jedi yousa waiting for."

And then, realizing that part of the Azgaurds' problem might be his Gungan-speech, Frakutsk tried to eliminate it. He did this by inserting long pauses between each word. Unfortunatly, his mouth still coulden't make the 'th' sound.

"I... Am... Da... Jedi."

"Yousa understand mesa now?"

The Azgaurds took a moment... and then, obviously very proud of themselves, nodded.

"Good. Nowsa den, da Azvosec, whosa live here, need help. Theysa just sent request for membership withsa da coalition. Disa is very oddsa, because deysa no usually affilliate at all, beingsa very gloomy, pessimisticsa, peoples. Wesa could use der skills as engineers and such, deysa would be a much-loved member of desa Coalition. Wesa need help dem, dey den join da coalition."

Frakutsk nodded, looking inquisitively at the explorers, did they get all that?

The Coalition had assumed that the Advosec were simply so desperately in need of help with their tectonically tortured planet, that they were willing to offer to join the Coalition, how could it hurt, after all?

At that very moment, another sun began to peak over the horizen. Frakutsk looked at it for a moment, it wasn't very bright, for a sun. Then, suddenly, the force swelled up, Frakutsk saw what was about to happen... ohno!

The earth shook, Frakutsk just barely jumped out of the place he was standing in time to avoid a jutting out of earth in the exact location he was standing.

Frakutsk looked, astounded, at the offending bit of rock that would have indubitably severed him in two.

"See? Dey need help."

It was about this time, as rocks began breaking the surface, that the cracks appeared. The explorers observed the phenomenon with fascination, only too late realizing what it means when the ground beneath you is breaking apart. They scrambled for cover, but it was too late, and everyone found themselves tumbling through the ground towards the ground below. Indeed, it would perhaps be the end -

- But of course, it isn't. As they fell, they found their trip none-fatally cut short by the back of some metal ship. Frelgrin groaned and lifted his head from where it had hit.

"What's going on?" he mumbled, and then reflexivly dug his claws into the roof as the ship increased its' speed. The other team members followed suite, but as Fraktusk had no claws of bone he instead stuck his lightsaber into the roof. The ship sped along through rock tunnels below the surface, alongside other such ships, all fleeing some sort of tectonic disaster.

A sudden stop sent them sprawling forward, only to land and roll off another, lower ship. This caused them to shoot sideways, until they hit a wall, had a short drop onto a large umbrella, comically bounced off of that into the air, and came finally crashing down ontop of a cafe table in the middle of a vast underground city.

Sprawled, as they were, in various stages of bruising, the five of them were unable to offer much more then groans to curious onlookers. Shlump was quick to recover, however, and pulled himself up on his elbows. He gave a dazed look around the vicinity, and began to pull himself together.

"Ok... uh... we're here on... behalf of the... hm..." He was confused, just what was it they were doing again?

It turned out he wouldn't be given the chance to remember, not yet anyways. A quartet of large, armed guards appeared quite suddenly, and while using a combination of force and upmost respect, led the shaken delegation away towards the Underground Palace.

As it turned out, the Underground Palace was a distance away... The Azgaurds and Frakutsk were able to completely regather themselves in the time it took to travel down the dark, dim, shady, shadowy, murky, gloomy, bright (antonym), sinister, mysterious, Thesaurus, I mean dark... wait did I already say that?... tunnel.

And then there was time leftover.

Alot of time.

The tunnell flowed past, the Advosze plowed on. Frakutsk was half-asleep as he walked... but in times of awakeness found the capacity to wonder: How did the tunnels not collapse on the traveling crew? What was the cause of the strange reactions the Advozse displayed to the strangers?

And, of course, Frakutsk enveyed the Azgaurds for having such long legs... the walk must have been alot easier for them.

The Azvosze were completely unphased by the long, hurried, walk. Frakutsk was bored, and the Azgaurds were confused (and bored). But, eventually, they got to their destination.

One would never have guessed that this tiny hole in the wall was the entrance to the planet's civil center. Once one entered THROUGH the hole in the wall, however, one would have no doubt that they were standing in a structure of immence proportion and ingenious structural design. The walls were macheines, pushing and pulling silently but powerfully, presumable to counteract the tectonic pressure exerted upon the Palace. The large room was home to hundreds of computers, most of them were being operated by grim-looking Advozse.

...And in the center of it all was a plainly garbed, but not plain-looking, being. His hands were spread over infinately complicated panels, with hundreds of shining buttons, which this person's, presumably the king's, fingers flew over, pushing and pressing and sliding and amazing paces across the panel. His eyes were closed, his head bowed slightly in inpenetrable concentration. Attached to the intimidating figure's temples were two wires... the very sight of him sent shivers up Frakutsk's spine.

The Advozse escorts turned and left wordlessly, as if the delegation was supposed to know what to do... which, quite obviously, they did not.

Frakutsk was the first to take action. Moving his head to the side and putting on an inquisative look, he said simply, "Hellosa?"

The king looked wearily upon his guests, and sighed. "I have been waiting for you, I was beginning to wonder if you would arrive at all. I take it you have come here to convince us to join the Coalition?"

There were some cautious nods.

"Excellent. There were some details I missed out in my message. You see, we'd be... glad" he said the word as if it was strange and new "to join the Coalition, but we cannot go on the surface. We have laboured for decades on a great device that would cool our turbulent planetary core, and put our planet at rest. Unfortunately, we miss a key part, and it is far too dangerous to acquire-"

"Mesa see where this be going" said Fraktusk.

"-so if you could help us and get it, then we'd be... um... willing to join you. I guess."

Frelgrin sighed "And this part? It's unique, right?"

"Afraid so."

"And it's probably in some sort of terrifying dungeon or tower?" asked Shlump.

"Dungeon, actually."

"Defended by some monster/hord/curse?" said Yiffin.

"All three, it seems."

"Can I eat this?" asked Freewater.

"Sure, I was done with it."

Fraktusk clapped his hands together. "Right, mesa ready! Where be this thingy you wants wesa go finding?"

"Oh, it's not that easy." said the king "We don't want anyone to get killed, so we devised a challenge to make sure people are worthy. It's only routine, so just step this way."

So they did. They were lead into a dark room, where the Avodese were free to sulk and write bad poetry. They watched as the delegates were lead in, and ceremonially lead through a door.

In the other room was a piano. And that's it. The walls were simple white drywall, as was the floor and the ceiling. As they left, the door itself was removed and replaced with more wall.

"What the hell?!" exclaimed Frelgrin, as he hammered on where the door had been. A voice could be heard through the wall.

"To pass the test, you must find a way out of this room, even though there are no doors or windows, using only this piano!"

Exar drank milkshake, and he died