There are some truly epic, famous, and lengthly threads at TRF - but who has time to read them these days? They're long, convoluted, poorly spelled, and written by boring people! That's why, in the interest of efficiency, I will take famous threads and crush them horrifically down into a slimey paste, from which I will craft a crude mockery of the story which once played out, all so that people can read them quickly and efficently.
To start, I will do one I was involved in - to get the idea across, and also, so I don't actually have to go back and read anything.
*Flashback sounds*
Count Dooku: I will now preside over the execution of the prisoners, during which, I bet absolutely nothing will go wrong whatsoever!
Politician: What if they escape though?
Count Dooku: No worries, I can’t imagine this having any form of long-reaching repercussions in a convoluted fashion years from now. There’s probably nothing to worry about *snicker* (Goes to chat up evil master).
Politician: That’s a relief.
*Flash forward sounds*
Scientist dude: Hey guys, we’ve invented implants!
Porn industry: Yay!
Scientist dude: No, I mean ones that will allow us to work harmoniously in a utopian technological future.
Porn industry: aw... Shoot.
Thylorian: Now we can be free!
*Suddenly, Cree’Ar appear*
Cree’Ar Commander: WTF Dude? That’s some sacriligious shit right there. God says ‘word, punk-ass bitches’, so now you die!
Thylorian: How does that make any sense?
Cree’Ar: God works in mysterious ways, foo! *Wastes Thylorians*.
Thylorian: Oh no! Our technology! Without it we can’t move any more!
Cree’Ar: The lesson is, we own all y’alls, don’t forget!
Thylorian: Well, shit.
Cree’Ar: *Kills the rest of the Thylorians*
Issk: Hm, as general of the Coalition relief forces, I have a sudden premonition that bad things will happen here...
Soldier: What makes you say that, sir? The Seres have given up fighting the Kiyarans, if anything, all is well.
Issk: I know, but I need to kill time until we’re more relevant to the plot. Quick! Deploy agents to search space, they’re bound to find something out there!
Kal Shora: Yo, I'm not down with all this terrorism shit that be going on.
Zeratul: True, dog. See what happened with the Geonosians? That shit be cold.
Kal Shora: Them Tholotian boys be all to blame for that shit. They didn’t feed the people and now theys be all dying in the streets. And I ain't finding this shit ironic at all, even though I be doin' worst stuff in the name of God all the fuckin' time.
Issk: Hm... we’re still not doing much... well, I guess we can kill some more time by looking at space anomalies. I have a highly advanced computer system right here -
Prometheus: Hello!
Issk: -But instead of using it, I’ll just eyeball these reports and make up my own conclusions! (Looks at reports) Hm... they certainly mean something. Maybe if I hold them upside down...
Secretary: Sir, we have captured a Seresian agent!
Issk: Excellent! Now let us never speak of or reference these warp anomalies ever again!
Tholotian captain: Man, it’s really been hard being a Tholotian captain ever since our entire government crapped out on us. Despite this, I’m completely fine hanging around a planet we’ve otherwise abandoned.
Lieutenant: Sir! Aliens!
Tholotian Captain: Well, shit.
Tholotian ship: *explodes*
Ambassador of Tholotia: What’s going on? All our computers are busted! I can’t reach anyone!
Tholotian Crewman: Aliens! They blew us to bits! We’re all going to die, and the Geonosians are rallying against us! *dies*
Ambassador: Well, shit. *faints*
Issk: With all our futuristic technology, we could probably just take what we need from this guy’s brain, but instead let’s do an old-fashioned police interrogation.
Azguard guy: Sounds fun.
Spy: I ain’t telling you nothing.
Azguard: Aha! Double negative!
Spy: Damn, outwitted! Okay, you win. My superiors have told me that something’s coming, but I don’t know what.
Issk: Geeze, I so totally couldn’t work that out on my own. Thanks for the update, captain obvious. Have we killed enough time with this stuff yet?
*Flashback noises*
Issk: Oh, not this again
*I said Flashback Noises!*
Dooku: Now I have captured you, Obi Wan!
Obi Wan: Wait, in the scene before, didn’t you just order us killed in the arena?
Dooku: Well yes, but we’re even further back this time.
Obi Wan: Oh, ok.
Dooku: Anyways, taunt taunt taunt!
Obi Wan: You suck.
Dooku: Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to have you killed in the arena!
*Flash Forwad noises*
Kal Shora: We come wit some o this supa-fly techno-shit that'll give y'all all the food y'all be eva needin'.
Geonosians: OMG! W3 L0V3 U 4EVA!
Kal Shora: Uh... okay.
Tholotian Ambassador: What am I doing in this little room? I am very important, and hungry!
Cree’Ar: You be accused of stuff and crimes and things! Since Tholotians are responsible for all of the Geonosians’ problems, we gonna symbolically bury your ass in sand!
Tholotian Ambassador: Don’t I get a lawyer?
Cree’Ar: Fuck no.
Tholotian Ambassador: *drowns in sand*
Geonosian Kid: Damn, am I hungry! What with all this infinite food around, it should be easy to have a good meal.
*Finds some bread and eats it*
Geonosian Kid: This is disgusting! Bleagh! We’ve been tricked! I better tell everyone, since otherwise they certainly wouldn’t notice when they get around to eating it.
Kal Shora: Not so fast, kid! *Stab*
Geonosians: WTF? We’re right here, n00b!
Kal Shora: Oh yeah... forgot about that. Cap their asses!
Geonosians: Well, shit *dies*
Kal Shora: This so totally doesn’t make me a hypocrit at all.
Issk: So we can finally get going? About damn time.
Murdock: My job is awesome. I give food to people all day long. I also have a crush on the girl who comes to pick up the food and deliver it. I have a name, and a back-story. Nothing could possibly happen to me! *Opens a box*
Murdock: Wait, that’s not food, that’s some machine alien thing! OMG! *Dies*
Machine thing: *looks scary*
Jannetta: Hey! I’m Jannetta! I’m the girl Murdock had a crush on! I also have some back story and a name! Nothing could possibly happen to me!
Murdock: OMG I am teh zombie now!
Jannetta: Well, shit *dies*.
Machine thing: *looks scarier*
Seresian: Thanks for helping us beat those evil Kiyarn guys with your super-technology.
Kal Shora: No worries, homie. Me and my crew needed to lay the smack down on the sucka who did all them terrorism and shits. Oh, by the way, when did you plan to tell us it was your fat ass what did all that terrorisms? Huh, biznatch?
Seresian: Um... yeah, I was going to tell you that eventually... it’s just that... well... we really wanted your super technology?
Kal Shora: Foo! We don’t go genociding innocent people!
Seresian: Isn’t that what you just did? I mean literally, like ten minutes ago?
Kal Shora:...
Seresian:...
Kal Shora: *kills Seresian*
Seresian: Ow
Kal Shora: Time to show how much I hate genocide by wipin' out all them Seshian foos on the whole planet, then go recharge my Irony-Proof shield.
City governor: Fuck! The Zombies! They’re all over the fucking place!
Soldier: Sir, shouldn’t we call for reinfocments from Issk?
City Governor: That fucker? Fuck that. We just need some way to fucking kill these zombies before they fucking spread. I am sure that’ll fucking work
Soldier one: These Zombies, they’re so stupid! We’ve got them holed up in that building! This’ll be easier then kicking the ass of a man with no legs! *Goes off to smoke*
Soldier two: Wow, he’s confident, I feel much better about our chances.
Soldier three: I agree. Hey, he’s coming back - tell us some more stuff to make us feel confident.
Soldier one: OMG! I am teh zombified! Lololol!1 Irony!
Soldier two: Wait, we manage to completely surround them, and yet at the same time leave a whole flank unprotected? How does that make any - *dies*
Governor: Fuck it! What the fuck is wrong with you people?!
Soldier: Now should we call for back up?
Governor: No fucking way! Let’s just keep sending more fuckers at the zombies. It’s worked so far and in no fucking manner has it caused their force to triple in size.
Soldier:...
Governor: Fuck fuck fuck!
Kal Shora: What’s the word, dog?
Zeratul: Say what?
Kal Shora: I need you to be on the ball, G! Pull yer shit together, and gimme the word!
Zeratul: Yo, sorry man. Distracted. Okay, Our Nexus, it ain’t gonna listen to us, not for three days flat, we gotta be in some low orbit shit for it to hear us, so until then it’s gonna keep cappin’ people. Which, by the way, I can hear, yo.
Kal Shora: Oh yeah? Lay it on me, my brother.
Zeratul: That shit be pissed, yo. Our boys are getting all up in the Kiyarans’ Hizzous.
Kal Shora: Damn, we better bounce then, or it’ll be too late. Once we get there, though, we’ll still have to ice any soldiers they’ve got yet.
Zeratul: That’s cold, man.
Kal Shora: Damn straight. Oh, and put the word out: Get me some of them Azguards, those suckas got a load ‘o shit comin’ their way.
Issk: So let me get this straight. The whole city is infested by zombies, and NOW you feel it’s worth telling me?
Commander guy: Well, we would have earlier, but the governor was being a fucker. Last we saw of him, he was being dragged under a wave of zombies. I think his last words were ‘Well, shit’ but I was a little far away at the time.
Issk: Damn. Quick! Call all armies! We march to glorious battle! Call for reinforcements from Azguard, as exposing as many people as possible to these zombies who spread through contact with others is obviously the best thing we can do.
Kiriath: Need... food... need... water... everyone else is dead... trapped in a bunker... soon the zombies will break in... and I’ll die too...
Kiriath’s brother: You should totally kill yourself.
Kiriath: No.
Kiriath’s brother: Well, shit.
Kal Shora: Shit, man, nuclear weapons? That stuff be trippin’ all kinds evil shit.
Zeratul: Word, dog, I hear that.
Kal Shora: I mean, where all the real warriors be at? Why we be fighting honourless foos?
Zertaul: I’m thinkin’ they’re on their way, ready to lay the smackdown on us when they get here.
Kal Shora: Oh, snap! Quick, gimme some of that armour shit, we be playin’ those Azguard biatches soon.
Issk: Attack! We shall reclaim the city!
People in the city: Yay!
Issk: Quick! Save those stranded in the bunkers!
Kiriath: Yay!
Issk: It looks like absolutely nothing can go wrong! The heroic armies of Azguard win again!
Azguardians: Yay!
Prometheus: Uh... it looks like while we were out, every other city was attacked and zombified.
Issk: Well, shit.
Issk: Great, only one city wasn’t attacked, and conveniently it’s the one with all the tall walls, radiation shielding, and defences! A perfect place to make our last stand, waiting for reinforcements. What did you say it was called again?
Kiyaran: Helm’s Deep - er, I mean Devon, sir.
Issk: Okay then. While the surviving army and civilians get dug in, I’ll go have a chat with that Kiriath chick about what she saw in the city.
Varex: Rargh! I am a vengeful Cree’Ar Fanatic! For some reason I killed a Sith Knight and now I’m here over Kiyar! Now that I’m here, though, I don’t think my appearance will ever be referenced again!
Kal Shora: Aw, snap, man. Look at this biatch here. She be crazy-hot, but now totally dead, man. Too bad, and so avoidable too.
Zeratul: Wait, how is this shit avoidable? Didn’t you just say stuff about us planning to waste these fools anyways?
Kal Shora:...
Zeratul: Geeze, ok, step off, dog. What now?
Kal Shora: I was thinking we could-
Coalition Soldiers: Not so fast, alien scum! We will now fight you, and stuff!
Zeratul: *Badass one-on-one with Azguard guy.*
Zeratul: Well, shit. I’m bleeding now!
Azguard guy: *gets pwned*
Coalition soldiers: Run awaaaaay!
Kal Shora: Shit! Man, they popped a cap in yo’ ass!
Lupercus: I am angry at that guy who killed a Sith! But this never amounts to anything!
Soldier: We fought the evil alien overlord of zombies!
Issk: STFU, really? Damn. I better go talk to that survivor and see if she can tell me anything about him.
Kiriath: We’re all going to die! Evil zombie hordes of doom! Aiegz!
Issk: Well, shit.
Varex: Rawr! I am mad and stuff!
Soldier: Sir, that evil alien overlord is coming! He wants to talk to you!
Issk: Oh, okay then. Well, we haven’t got anything better to do, and the zombies are just sitting there, so I might as well go and say hi.
-orbit of Kiyar-
Zeratul: Ow, that really hurt.
Sharn: Not as much as this will - you’re crippled, yo!
Zeratul: WTF?!
Sharn: Psych!
Zeratul: You suck!
Sharn: Good bye.
*later*
Zeratul: So, now that I be just chillin’, tell me, what up?
Sharn: Not so good, dog. This Kiyar shit be for fools, yo. And don’t you be giving me none of that Vladet shit, I ain’t talkin’ bout those dogs no more.
Zeratul: Okay, then what be the buzz on them Coalition dogs?
Sharn: Man, those boys be supa-fly. Yo top-dog Kal even be sayin’ so.
Zeratul: Oh no, don’t be throwin’ that shit around, someone gonna hear you and melt your ass to carbon! I gotta bounce, though, it’s been real.
Issk: Hey
Kal Shora: Yo
Kal Shora’s Interpreter: Hello.
Kal Shora: You and your boys, you got a nice crib here, kickin’ it old school wit your ideals and principals, know what I’m saying? I’m down with that, but you gotta get the shit out, brother.
Interpreter: You have fought well, but now is the time to leave. We offer you the chance to surrender.
Issk: Never! We will resist to the last breath! Our fleet will come, we shall do battle, and we shall be free!
Regrad: With me, my brethren! We shall save the people of Kiyar! Ready the fleet for battle!
Lieutenant: Um, sir? It looks like the planet is guarded by an entire fleet of superior alien ships.
Regrad: Well, shit.
Lieutenant: Should we run?
Regrad: Yeah, they’re probably all dead down there anyways.
Issk: ...Well, shit. I give up then.
Kal Shora: Bitchin’
Interpreter: Excellent.
And so the fleet left, Kiyar fell to the Cree’Ar, Issk and his men were never heard from again, and no one ever discussed Kiyar for as long as they lived. ... or did they?
To start, I will do one I was involved in - to get the idea across, and also, so I don't actually have to go back and read anything.
Legacies forgotten and buried under sands in brief.
*Flashback sounds*
-Geonosis-
Count Dooku: I will now preside over the execution of the prisoners, during which, I bet absolutely nothing will go wrong whatsoever!
Politician: What if they escape though?
Count Dooku: No worries, I can’t imagine this having any form of long-reaching repercussions in a convoluted fashion years from now. There’s probably nothing to worry about *snicker* (Goes to chat up evil master).
Politician: That’s a relief.
*Flash forward sounds*
-Thylor-
Scientist dude: Hey guys, we’ve invented implants!
Porn industry: Yay!
Scientist dude: No, I mean ones that will allow us to work harmoniously in a utopian technological future.
Porn industry: aw... Shoot.
Thylorian: Now we can be free!
*Suddenly, Cree’Ar appear*
Cree’Ar Commander: WTF Dude? That’s some sacriligious shit right there. God says ‘word, punk-ass bitches’, so now you die!
Thylorian: How does that make any sense?
Cree’Ar: God works in mysterious ways, foo! *Wastes Thylorians*.
Thylorian: Oh no! Our technology! Without it we can’t move any more!
Cree’Ar: The lesson is, we own all y’alls, don’t forget!
Thylorian: Well, shit.
Cree’Ar: *Kills the rest of the Thylorians*
-Kiyar-
Issk: Hm, as general of the Coalition relief forces, I have a sudden premonition that bad things will happen here...
Soldier: What makes you say that, sir? The Seres have given up fighting the Kiyarans, if anything, all is well.
Issk: I know, but I need to kill time until we’re more relevant to the plot. Quick! Deploy agents to search space, they’re bound to find something out there!
-Fancy pants Cree’Ar command place-
Kal Shora: Yo, I'm not down with all this terrorism shit that be going on.
Zeratul: True, dog. See what happened with the Geonosians? That shit be cold.
Kal Shora: Them Tholotian boys be all to blame for that shit. They didn’t feed the people and now theys be all dying in the streets. And I ain't finding this shit ironic at all, even though I be doin' worst stuff in the name of God all the fuckin' time.
-Kiyar-
Issk: Hm... we’re still not doing much... well, I guess we can kill some more time by looking at space anomalies. I have a highly advanced computer system right here -
Prometheus: Hello!
Issk: -But instead of using it, I’ll just eyeball these reports and make up my own conclusions! (Looks at reports) Hm... they certainly mean something. Maybe if I hold them upside down...
Secretary: Sir, we have captured a Seresian agent!
Issk: Excellent! Now let us never speak of or reference these warp anomalies ever again!
-Space, around Geonosis-
Tholotian captain: Man, it’s really been hard being a Tholotian captain ever since our entire government crapped out on us. Despite this, I’m completely fine hanging around a planet we’ve otherwise abandoned.
Lieutenant: Sir! Aliens!
Tholotian Captain: Well, shit.
Tholotian ship: *explodes*
-Geonosis-
Ambassador of Tholotia: What’s going on? All our computers are busted! I can’t reach anyone!
Tholotian Crewman: Aliens! They blew us to bits! We’re all going to die, and the Geonosians are rallying against us! *dies*
Ambassador: Well, shit. *faints*
-Kiyar again-
Issk: With all our futuristic technology, we could probably just take what we need from this guy’s brain, but instead let’s do an old-fashioned police interrogation.
Azguard guy: Sounds fun.
Spy: I ain’t telling you nothing.
Azguard: Aha! Double negative!
Spy: Damn, outwitted! Okay, you win. My superiors have told me that something’s coming, but I don’t know what.
Issk: Geeze, I so totally couldn’t work that out on my own. Thanks for the update, captain obvious. Have we killed enough time with this stuff yet?
*Flashback noises*
Issk: Oh, not this again
*I said Flashback Noises!*
-Geonosis-
Dooku: Now I have captured you, Obi Wan!
Obi Wan: Wait, in the scene before, didn’t you just order us killed in the arena?
Dooku: Well yes, but we’re even further back this time.
Obi Wan: Oh, ok.
Dooku: Anyways, taunt taunt taunt!
Obi Wan: You suck.
Dooku: Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to have you killed in the arena!
*Flash Forwad noises*
-Geonosis-
Kal Shora: We come wit some o this supa-fly techno-shit that'll give y'all all the food y'all be eva needin'.
Geonosians: OMG! W3 L0V3 U 4EVA!
Kal Shora: Uh... okay.
-later, also on Geonosis-
Tholotian Ambassador: What am I doing in this little room? I am very important, and hungry!
Cree’Ar: You be accused of stuff and crimes and things! Since Tholotians are responsible for all of the Geonosians’ problems, we gonna symbolically bury your ass in sand!
Tholotian Ambassador: Don’t I get a lawyer?
Cree’Ar: Fuck no.
Tholotian Ambassador: *drowns in sand*
-Geonosis-
Geonosian Kid: Damn, am I hungry! What with all this infinite food around, it should be easy to have a good meal.
*Finds some bread and eats it*
Geonosian Kid: This is disgusting! Bleagh! We’ve been tricked! I better tell everyone, since otherwise they certainly wouldn’t notice when they get around to eating it.
Kal Shora: Not so fast, kid! *Stab*
Geonosians: WTF? We’re right here, n00b!
Kal Shora: Oh yeah... forgot about that. Cap their asses!
Geonosians: Well, shit *dies*
Kal Shora: This so totally doesn’t make me a hypocrit at all.
-Kiyar-
Issk: So we can finally get going? About damn time.
-Kiyar, poorer place-
Murdock: My job is awesome. I give food to people all day long. I also have a crush on the girl who comes to pick up the food and deliver it. I have a name, and a back-story. Nothing could possibly happen to me! *Opens a box*
Murdock: Wait, that’s not food, that’s some machine alien thing! OMG! *Dies*
Machine thing: *looks scary*
Jannetta: Hey! I’m Jannetta! I’m the girl Murdock had a crush on! I also have some back story and a name! Nothing could possibly happen to me!
Murdock: OMG I am teh zombie now!
Jannetta: Well, shit *dies*.
Machine thing: *looks scarier*
-Seresian place-
Seresian: Thanks for helping us beat those evil Kiyarn guys with your super-technology.
Kal Shora: No worries, homie. Me and my crew needed to lay the smack down on the sucka who did all them terrorism and shits. Oh, by the way, when did you plan to tell us it was your fat ass what did all that terrorisms? Huh, biznatch?
Seresian: Um... yeah, I was going to tell you that eventually... it’s just that... well... we really wanted your super technology?
Kal Shora: Foo! We don’t go genociding innocent people!
Seresian: Isn’t that what you just did? I mean literally, like ten minutes ago?
Kal Shora:...
Seresian:...
Kal Shora: *kills Seresian*
Seresian: Ow
Kal Shora: Time to show how much I hate genocide by wipin' out all them Seshian foos on the whole planet, then go recharge my Irony-Proof shield.
-Kiyar-
City governor: Fuck! The Zombies! They’re all over the fucking place!
Soldier: Sir, shouldn’t we call for reinfocments from Issk?
City Governor: That fucker? Fuck that. We just need some way to fucking kill these zombies before they fucking spread. I am sure that’ll fucking work
-Elsewhere, still Kiyar-
Soldier one: These Zombies, they’re so stupid! We’ve got them holed up in that building! This’ll be easier then kicking the ass of a man with no legs! *Goes off to smoke*
Soldier two: Wow, he’s confident, I feel much better about our chances.
Soldier three: I agree. Hey, he’s coming back - tell us some more stuff to make us feel confident.
Soldier one: OMG! I am teh zombified! Lololol!1 Irony!
Soldier two: Wait, we manage to completely surround them, and yet at the same time leave a whole flank unprotected? How does that make any - *dies*
-back to that Governor guy of Kiyar-
Governor: Fuck it! What the fuck is wrong with you people?!
Soldier: Now should we call for back up?
Governor: No fucking way! Let’s just keep sending more fuckers at the zombies. It’s worked so far and in no fucking manner has it caused their force to triple in size.
Soldier:...
Governor: Fuck fuck fuck!
-Space-
Kal Shora: What’s the word, dog?
Zeratul: Say what?
Kal Shora: I need you to be on the ball, G! Pull yer shit together, and gimme the word!
Zeratul: Yo, sorry man. Distracted. Okay, Our Nexus, it ain’t gonna listen to us, not for three days flat, we gotta be in some low orbit shit for it to hear us, so until then it’s gonna keep cappin’ people. Which, by the way, I can hear, yo.
Kal Shora: Oh yeah? Lay it on me, my brother.
Zeratul: That shit be pissed, yo. Our boys are getting all up in the Kiyarans’ Hizzous.
Kal Shora: Damn, we better bounce then, or it’ll be too late. Once we get there, though, we’ll still have to ice any soldiers they’ve got yet.
Zeratul: That’s cold, man.
Kal Shora: Damn straight. Oh, and put the word out: Get me some of them Azguards, those suckas got a load ‘o shit comin’ their way.
-Kiyar-
Issk: So let me get this straight. The whole city is infested by zombies, and NOW you feel it’s worth telling me?
Commander guy: Well, we would have earlier, but the governor was being a fucker. Last we saw of him, he was being dragged under a wave of zombies. I think his last words were ‘Well, shit’ but I was a little far away at the time.
Issk: Damn. Quick! Call all armies! We march to glorious battle! Call for reinforcements from Azguard, as exposing as many people as possible to these zombies who spread through contact with others is obviously the best thing we can do.
-Kiyar, the city with all the Zombies-
Kiriath: Need... food... need... water... everyone else is dead... trapped in a bunker... soon the zombies will break in... and I’ll die too...
Kiriath’s brother: You should totally kill yourself.
Kiriath: No.
Kiriath’s brother: Well, shit.
-Kiyar, only with evil aliens-
Kal Shora: Shit, man, nuclear weapons? That stuff be trippin’ all kinds evil shit.
Zeratul: Word, dog, I hear that.
Kal Shora: I mean, where all the real warriors be at? Why we be fighting honourless foos?
Zertaul: I’m thinkin’ they’re on their way, ready to lay the smackdown on us when they get here.
Kal Shora: Oh, snap! Quick, gimme some of that armour shit, we be playin’ those Azguard biatches soon.
-Kiyar, Zombie-city-
Issk: Attack! We shall reclaim the city!
People in the city: Yay!
Issk: Quick! Save those stranded in the bunkers!
Kiriath: Yay!
Issk: It looks like absolutely nothing can go wrong! The heroic armies of Azguard win again!
Azguardians: Yay!
Prometheus: Uh... it looks like while we were out, every other city was attacked and zombified.
Issk: Well, shit.
-Devon, a city on Kiyar-
Issk: Great, only one city wasn’t attacked, and conveniently it’s the one with all the tall walls, radiation shielding, and defences! A perfect place to make our last stand, waiting for reinforcements. What did you say it was called again?
Kiyaran: Helm’s Deep - er, I mean Devon, sir.
Issk: Okay then. While the surviving army and civilians get dug in, I’ll go have a chat with that Kiriath chick about what she saw in the city.
-Space-
Varex: Rargh! I am a vengeful Cree’Ar Fanatic! For some reason I killed a Sith Knight and now I’m here over Kiyar! Now that I’m here, though, I don’t think my appearance will ever be referenced again!
-Kiyar-
Kal Shora: Aw, snap, man. Look at this biatch here. She be crazy-hot, but now totally dead, man. Too bad, and so avoidable too.
Zeratul: Wait, how is this shit avoidable? Didn’t you just say stuff about us planning to waste these fools anyways?
Kal Shora:...
Zeratul: Geeze, ok, step off, dog. What now?
Kal Shora: I was thinking we could-
Coalition Soldiers: Not so fast, alien scum! We will now fight you, and stuff!
Zeratul: *Badass one-on-one with Azguard guy.*
Zeratul: Well, shit. I’m bleeding now!
Azguard guy: *gets pwned*
Coalition soldiers: Run awaaaaay!
Kal Shora: Shit! Man, they popped a cap in yo’ ass!
-Somewhere-
Lupercus: I am angry at that guy who killed a Sith! But this never amounts to anything!
-Rork’s Drift - er, I mean Devon-
Soldier: We fought the evil alien overlord of zombies!
Issk: STFU, really? Damn. I better go talk to that survivor and see if she can tell me anything about him.
Kiriath: We’re all going to die! Evil zombie hordes of doom! Aiegz!
Issk: Well, shit.
-Kiyar-
Varex: Rawr! I am mad and stuff!
-Devon-
Soldier: Sir, that evil alien overlord is coming! He wants to talk to you!
Issk: Oh, okay then. Well, we haven’t got anything better to do, and the zombies are just sitting there, so I might as well go and say hi.
-orbit of Kiyar-
Zeratul: Ow, that really hurt.
Sharn: Not as much as this will - you’re crippled, yo!
Zeratul: WTF?!
Sharn: Psych!
Zeratul: You suck!
Sharn: Good bye.
*later*
Zeratul: So, now that I be just chillin’, tell me, what up?
Sharn: Not so good, dog. This Kiyar shit be for fools, yo. And don’t you be giving me none of that Vladet shit, I ain’t talkin’ bout those dogs no more.
Zeratul: Okay, then what be the buzz on them Coalition dogs?
Sharn: Man, those boys be supa-fly. Yo top-dog Kal even be sayin’ so.
Zeratul: Oh no, don’t be throwin’ that shit around, someone gonna hear you and melt your ass to carbon! I gotta bounce, though, it’s been real.
-Devon-
Issk: Hey
Kal Shora: Yo
Kal Shora’s Interpreter: Hello.
Kal Shora: You and your boys, you got a nice crib here, kickin’ it old school wit your ideals and principals, know what I’m saying? I’m down with that, but you gotta get the shit out, brother.
Interpreter: You have fought well, but now is the time to leave. We offer you the chance to surrender.
Issk: Never! We will resist to the last breath! Our fleet will come, we shall do battle, and we shall be free!
-Space-
Regrad: With me, my brethren! We shall save the people of Kiyar! Ready the fleet for battle!
Lieutenant: Um, sir? It looks like the planet is guarded by an entire fleet of superior alien ships.
Regrad: Well, shit.
Lieutenant: Should we run?
Regrad: Yeah, they’re probably all dead down there anyways.
-Kiyar-
Issk: ...Well, shit. I give up then.
Kal Shora: Bitchin’
Interpreter: Excellent.
And so the fleet left, Kiyar fell to the Cree’Ar, Issk and his men were never heard from again, and no one ever discussed Kiyar for as long as they lived. ... or did they?
-Space-
Kal Shora: Zeratul! I ain't got much longer, yo! Use the Jedi, use them sumbitches to kick a little ass before it's - oh, shit! *dies*.
Sharn: Zeratul, Kal be waiting for your lazy ass - wait, WTF?
Zeratul: I hear that! We best be takin' this dead Kal to the live Kal, and find out just what shit be goin' down around here.
*Flashback noises*
Dooku: Hey, Sidious. Looking forwards to killing Anakin and Obi Wan later on?
Sidious: Uh... yeah... sure. Have you picked out a planet to hide out on when you've done the deed?
Dooku: Yeah, I was thinking Kiyar. Nice place, low taxes, y'know, suburban.
Sidious: Rock. Okay, um, I've gotta wash up, but after that we're totally going to kill those Jedi.
Dooku: Okay, see you there. *leaves*
Thrawn: *Moves out from super-ninja hiding spot* Think he suspects anything?
Sidious: I doubt it. That guy's dumber then a dog's left testical. Of course, we'll have to make sure he didn't contact anyone on Kiyar, so go have them go to war with Seres.
Thrawn: Wouldn't it be hilariously funny if - through a convoluted series of events - that resulted in aliens coming fifty years from now and wiping both planets out along with hundreds of thousands of soldiers?
Sidious: Oh Thrawn, you and your crazy ideas.
Dolash: ...Well, shit.
Kal Shora: Zeratul! I ain't got much longer, yo! Use the Jedi, use them sumbitches to kick a little ass before it's - oh, shit! *dies*.
Sharn: Zeratul, Kal be waiting for your lazy ass - wait, WTF?
Zeratul: I hear that! We best be takin' this dead Kal to the live Kal, and find out just what shit be goin' down around here.
*Flashback noises*
Coruscant
Dooku: Hey, Sidious. Looking forwards to killing Anakin and Obi Wan later on?
Sidious: Uh... yeah... sure. Have you picked out a planet to hide out on when you've done the deed?
Dooku: Yeah, I was thinking Kiyar. Nice place, low taxes, y'know, suburban.
Sidious: Rock. Okay, um, I've gotta wash up, but after that we're totally going to kill those Jedi.
Dooku: Okay, see you there. *leaves*
Thrawn: *Moves out from super-ninja hiding spot* Think he suspects anything?
Sidious: I doubt it. That guy's dumber then a dog's left testical. Of course, we'll have to make sure he didn't contact anyone on Kiyar, so go have them go to war with Seres.
Thrawn: Wouldn't it be hilariously funny if - through a convoluted series of events - that resulted in aliens coming fifty years from now and wiping both planets out along with hundreds of thousands of soldiers?
Sidious: Oh Thrawn, you and your crazy ideas.
Dolash: ...Well, shit.
