*hears crickets in the background*

I was standing outside my school this morning, waiting for something random that i forgot. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, you get the picture.

So, at this moment i happened to be leaning against the flag post.

I saw two people walk by, holding hands. The first was a crazy-looking bald man, fairly overweight. He was holding hnds with a short, fat, women.

I must have looked at them funny, because the man shouted at me, "Thats Right!! We're holding hands in public! YAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

The bald man was definately Ankh.

(Remember, this actually happened.)

Two guys were in car going across town. The driver runs a red light and his buddy mentions it to him.

"You know you just ran a red light?"

"I know. My brother drives like this."

They keep going when again, the driver runs a red light.

"You just ran another red light."

"Shut up, I told you, my brother drives like this."

They keep driving along and this time, the driver stops at a green light.

"Man, what are you doing, stopping at a green light?"

"My brother might be coming the other way."

Eh, what do you know from funny, ya ...eh?...

Mick and Paddy went duck hunting with their dogs. After an afternoon they caught nothing, Mick turns to Paddy and says, "I dunno, Paddy, maybe we ain't throwing the dogs high enough."



An elderly New Mexican gentleman wanting to plant his vegtable garden goes out into his back yard to dig up a pacrcel of land to plant. But much to his dismay the ground is extremely hard and he does not have the strength to to dig up the dirt. His only chance would have been his son, but he is in prison. The old man writes a letter to his son:

Dear Jorge,
it is the time of year for me to plant my garden in the back yard. However I am old and do not have the strength to dig up the back yard in preparation for planting. I really wish you were here to help....
Love Pappa.

upon reading this leter the old mans son hastely replys.

Dear Pappa,
What ever you do Please do not dig up the part of the back yard next to the fence, that is where I buried the bodies and the guns.
Love Jorge

Within a short amount of time the FBI appears on the old mans property and digs up the entire back yard. after several days of searching they found nothing. "We are very sorry for digging up your back yard old man, we will leave you alone now" says
the head FBI agent.

the old man in extreme dismay writes his son another letter explaining what had happened.
In Reply his son wrote:

Dear Pappa,
You are very welcome, under the current circumstances it's the best I could do.
Love Jorge.

I may as well tell 2 of the blonde jokes I found funny...


How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

She stuck a tampon behind her ear and cant remember what she did what her cigarette.


Two blondes walked into a building.

You'd think one of them would have seen it. (funniest one to me)

Second one a variant of one I posted earlier.

"Two men walk into a bar.
You'd think the second guy would have ducked."

Interesting how they get around.

Yeah, interesting, isnt it? You should check out the joke section of IRENE'S IMAGES (linkie). There are a TON of jokes about anything and everything, including blondes, which I found funnier.

Like the blonde version of your bar joke, Kas. Yours is funny, but for some reason, I found the blonde one funnier.

Why did they build the New Polish Navy with glass-bottom hulls?

- To see the old Polish Navy

Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water.

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
A: Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.

Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side?
A: So the cops can find the handles.

Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.

Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
A: Turn off the carousel.

Q: How many Polaks does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: 3. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb and the other two to spin the chair.
A2: 100001. One to hold the bulb and the other 100000 to spin the house.

Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: How do you know if a Polak has been using a computer?
A: There's whiteout on the screen.

Q: Did you hear about the new automatic Polish parachutes?
A: They open on impact.

Q: Do you know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could not be used?
A: No matter where you sat you were behind a Pole.

Q: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
A: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.

Q: What's delaying the Polish space program?
A: Development of a working match.

Q: What happened to the Polish National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.

Q: A Polish soldier was confronted by a charging German soldier and a charging Russian soldier. Which did he shoot first, and why?
A: He shot the German first--business before pleasure.

Q: How does a Polish Firing Squad stand?
A: In a circle

Well, someone doesn't like the polish it seems. A lot of those jokes you could substitute the Pole, Polak, or Polish for pretty much anything you didn't like.