These are the values taught in my household and I hope you will pass them on to your children too.
1) Fuck Around in School. Don't bother trying to get an education, nobody cares how much you know about anything. Join the football team, have awkward sex with blonde cheerleaders and get hammered as often as possible. After all that's what being young is all about.
2) High School is Your Entire Life. Remember that your personality, looks, and social status in high school determines who you will be for your entire life. You can never change who you are from what you have been branded in an environment where people are evaluated by the shallowest means possible. Life is just like one big high school, and no one gives a shit about you nerds.
3) Go Along to Get Along. Never express a contrary opinion, argue, or debate anything ever. No one likes a doubting Thomas, and no one likes a jerk. People will only like you if you do what they do and never disagree with them. Master the art of putting your nose up other people's asses. If you spend your time arguing about politics, religion, ethics and philosophy, you will be a social outcast and then your life is over. The best things get accomplished when no one questions anyone's opinions and just follows the herd, like in Nazi Germany.
4) Avoid Educating Yourself. Hey, it's okay to learn about trigonometry and writing a proper sentence, but make sure your the things you learn are always abstract and irrelevant. Education is for losers and fags, and you don't want to be a loser or fag, do you? If other people are poor or suffering, it's not your problem. Shut your eyes and count to ten. If you find out about it, some pretentious blowhard might expect you to do something about it. The only way to elevate yourself in this world is by kissing ass, earning money, and buying things. Which brings us to our next point.
5) Only Money Can Determine Your Importance. Money and wealth -- and getting more of it -- is all that really matters. Why do you get up in the morning and go to school or work? To make money. Money is what keeps the giant cogs of our wonderful and glorious society moving and getting more of it is the only way to be an important person. The only way to better yourself is by getting more money, and the only way to make yourself happy is to buy things. If that weren't true, then why do people play the lottery?
6) Piss Away Your Life with Trivial Sexual Affairs. Guys, the only way to prove that you are a real man is to have sex with as many annonymous partners as possible. Never have an intellectual relationship; those are boring and pointless and for ugly useless people who will never amount to anything. Women, let's face it, no man will ever love you unless you let him have loads of raunchy sex with you. You are nothing but an object, so embrace that. No man likes a woman who is smarter than he is. And no man cares about your mind. This is especially important in your formative years, where not adhering to these tenets may result in you coming out of your ignorant, drug-induced haze. And good lord we would not want that.
7) Popularity is All That Matters. How do you measure your life except by how many friends you have? Amass as many people who like you for your money and looks as you can. If standing up for something or not committing an immoral act is getting in the way of popularity, don't stand up for it. Chances are that if defending something is making you unpopular, you're siding with some sort of minority. And if minorities had a bearing on your popularity, they wouldn't be called minorities would they? Remember, never express contrary opinions or argue with anyone. Shower them with praise about how great they are and they will do the same for you. No moral issue is worth being a social outcast over. All of the best people in the world have lots of followers who love and adore them, like Hitler and Mussolini.
8) Be Shallow. If people have to think when they talk to you, they won't talk to you, it's just that simple. The only logical way to evaluate a person is their physical appearance. Don't worry if you don't have a killer body yet, that's what plastic surgery is for. Slave away at a nine-to-five job in a cubicle that sucks your soul out through your eyes until you have enough money to make yourself look like a supermodel. Then things will get better.
9) Surround Yourself With People Who Will Kiss Your Ass. Why would you want to talk to someone who is honest or disagrees with you all the time? Honesty is overrated and argumentative people are just bitter losers. Surround yourself with as many sycophantic people as you can. If you've followed the above steps, you should have enough money now anyway to attract people on this basis alone. If someone is different than you, ostracize them. No one needs that sort of filth around.
10) Be Ambitious. Ambition is important. Like Macbeth, you should take what you want and not think twice. Poor people are poor because their lazy unmotivated asses just don't have enough ambition to climb the pile of bodies to the top of the food chain. If you have to hurt someone to get what you want, do it, or you'll wind up poor and lonely. The other person would do it to you in your position.
11) Don't Bother Expressing an Opinion, No One Cares. What makes people think that others care about their opinions? What you believe doesn't matter: what you spend on big screen televisions and finely groomed lawns does. Nothing can be changed by your opinion; anyone who expresses their opinion in public is probably some bitter, preachy nerd trying to shove liberal politics down your throat. Remember that by putting yourself out there you risk social ruination, the worst of all fates. No one likes having an opinion jammed down their throat, I read that on the Republican website. Keep your eyes and mouth firmly sewn shut at all times.
12) Stay Out of Politics, That's for Rich People. Important people are rich. This is a fact. If you are not rich, you are probably not important and probably don't know anything about anything. After all most rich people are intelligent individuals who deserve power because they have achieved the foremost goal in everyone's mind: hording enough money to lord over the foolish peasants below. You should aspire to be them. But never try to change anything with a political campaign because no one cares about that sort of thing. No good can ever be accomplished by some lazy, shiftless poor person (like Gandhi) bitching and moaning about one political cause or another.
13) Go Along With Whatever Happens. The rich and influential will never steer you wrong. Trust all politicians with your life and they will never lead you astray. Follow trends and crazes to be popular and cool so that your life will matter. If a craze or trend means hurting people, oh well, life sucks. Unless those people are Jews because we all know from school that that is very wrong indeed. It's in your best interests.
14) Politics Belongs in the Voting Booth. Do you want to be a loser? Then don't talk about politics, because only losers talk about politics in public. Politics has nothing to do with public discourse and everything to do about brainwashing and media manipulation. Remember what your mother told you: no politics at the dinner table. People might disagree, and that can only lead to one thing: you being a loser.
15) Remember That the Only Time That Matters is Now and the Only Person That Matters Is You. Smoke, drink, and fuck around. Tomorrow doesn't matter: you owe nothing to your children. Crush others in your pursuit of happiness (meaning money and sycophantic friends) because they would do the same to you.
1) Fuck Around in School. Don't bother trying to get an education, nobody cares how much you know about anything. Join the football team, have awkward sex with blonde cheerleaders and get hammered as often as possible. After all that's what being young is all about.
2) High School is Your Entire Life. Remember that your personality, looks, and social status in high school determines who you will be for your entire life. You can never change who you are from what you have been branded in an environment where people are evaluated by the shallowest means possible. Life is just like one big high school, and no one gives a shit about you nerds.
3) Go Along to Get Along. Never express a contrary opinion, argue, or debate anything ever. No one likes a doubting Thomas, and no one likes a jerk. People will only like you if you do what they do and never disagree with them. Master the art of putting your nose up other people's asses. If you spend your time arguing about politics, religion, ethics and philosophy, you will be a social outcast and then your life is over. The best things get accomplished when no one questions anyone's opinions and just follows the herd, like in Nazi Germany.
4) Avoid Educating Yourself. Hey, it's okay to learn about trigonometry and writing a proper sentence, but make sure your the things you learn are always abstract and irrelevant. Education is for losers and fags, and you don't want to be a loser or fag, do you? If other people are poor or suffering, it's not your problem. Shut your eyes and count to ten. If you find out about it, some pretentious blowhard might expect you to do something about it. The only way to elevate yourself in this world is by kissing ass, earning money, and buying things. Which brings us to our next point.
5) Only Money Can Determine Your Importance. Money and wealth -- and getting more of it -- is all that really matters. Why do you get up in the morning and go to school or work? To make money. Money is what keeps the giant cogs of our wonderful and glorious society moving and getting more of it is the only way to be an important person. The only way to better yourself is by getting more money, and the only way to make yourself happy is to buy things. If that weren't true, then why do people play the lottery?
6) Piss Away Your Life with Trivial Sexual Affairs. Guys, the only way to prove that you are a real man is to have sex with as many annonymous partners as possible. Never have an intellectual relationship; those are boring and pointless and for ugly useless people who will never amount to anything. Women, let's face it, no man will ever love you unless you let him have loads of raunchy sex with you. You are nothing but an object, so embrace that. No man likes a woman who is smarter than he is. And no man cares about your mind. This is especially important in your formative years, where not adhering to these tenets may result in you coming out of your ignorant, drug-induced haze. And good lord we would not want that.
7) Popularity is All That Matters. How do you measure your life except by how many friends you have? Amass as many people who like you for your money and looks as you can. If standing up for something or not committing an immoral act is getting in the way of popularity, don't stand up for it. Chances are that if defending something is making you unpopular, you're siding with some sort of minority. And if minorities had a bearing on your popularity, they wouldn't be called minorities would they? Remember, never express contrary opinions or argue with anyone. Shower them with praise about how great they are and they will do the same for you. No moral issue is worth being a social outcast over. All of the best people in the world have lots of followers who love and adore them, like Hitler and Mussolini.
8) Be Shallow. If people have to think when they talk to you, they won't talk to you, it's just that simple. The only logical way to evaluate a person is their physical appearance. Don't worry if you don't have a killer body yet, that's what plastic surgery is for. Slave away at a nine-to-five job in a cubicle that sucks your soul out through your eyes until you have enough money to make yourself look like a supermodel. Then things will get better.
9) Surround Yourself With People Who Will Kiss Your Ass. Why would you want to talk to someone who is honest or disagrees with you all the time? Honesty is overrated and argumentative people are just bitter losers. Surround yourself with as many sycophantic people as you can. If you've followed the above steps, you should have enough money now anyway to attract people on this basis alone. If someone is different than you, ostracize them. No one needs that sort of filth around.
10) Be Ambitious. Ambition is important. Like Macbeth, you should take what you want and not think twice. Poor people are poor because their lazy unmotivated asses just don't have enough ambition to climb the pile of bodies to the top of the food chain. If you have to hurt someone to get what you want, do it, or you'll wind up poor and lonely. The other person would do it to you in your position.
11) Don't Bother Expressing an Opinion, No One Cares. What makes people think that others care about their opinions? What you believe doesn't matter: what you spend on big screen televisions and finely groomed lawns does. Nothing can be changed by your opinion; anyone who expresses their opinion in public is probably some bitter, preachy nerd trying to shove liberal politics down your throat. Remember that by putting yourself out there you risk social ruination, the worst of all fates. No one likes having an opinion jammed down their throat, I read that on the Republican website. Keep your eyes and mouth firmly sewn shut at all times.
12) Stay Out of Politics, That's for Rich People. Important people are rich. This is a fact. If you are not rich, you are probably not important and probably don't know anything about anything. After all most rich people are intelligent individuals who deserve power because they have achieved the foremost goal in everyone's mind: hording enough money to lord over the foolish peasants below. You should aspire to be them. But never try to change anything with a political campaign because no one cares about that sort of thing. No good can ever be accomplished by some lazy, shiftless poor person (like Gandhi) bitching and moaning about one political cause or another.
13) Go Along With Whatever Happens. The rich and influential will never steer you wrong. Trust all politicians with your life and they will never lead you astray. Follow trends and crazes to be popular and cool so that your life will matter. If a craze or trend means hurting people, oh well, life sucks. Unless those people are Jews because we all know from school that that is very wrong indeed. It's in your best interests.
14) Politics Belongs in the Voting Booth. Do you want to be a loser? Then don't talk about politics, because only losers talk about politics in public. Politics has nothing to do with public discourse and everything to do about brainwashing and media manipulation. Remember what your mother told you: no politics at the dinner table. People might disagree, and that can only lead to one thing: you being a loser.
15) Remember That the Only Time That Matters is Now and the Only Person That Matters Is You. Smoke, drink, and fuck around. Tomorrow doesn't matter: you owe nothing to your children. Crush others in your pursuit of happiness (meaning money and sycophantic friends) because they would do the same to you.
