Okay. I hated Troy.....well, not "hated". A little more like "felt like slapping everyone involved". I'll just make a whole list here of small things that tickled me about the flick. This isn't everything, but it's a start for discussion with all you guys that really loved it.

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1. I'm gonna come out swinging with the biggest complaint about the movie. There is no clear line telling you who to cheer/jeer etc...and when I say no clear line, I mean no line at all. The only person that is presented as a "good guy" is Hector. Too bad he gets fed to "The Tweener Superman" Brad Pitt. How are we supposed to feel about Achilles anyway? One minute he's a prick, the next he's being nice to a female from the other side.....then he proceeds to kill the only guy you're rooting for at all. He finishes it all up by dying in a "Good Guy Main Character" death sequence(complete with the music). I'll bash his character for now, but I'll be back on him in a while when I talk about the only two scenes I liked in the whole movie.

2. The acting is stiffer than my penis at a strip club. Now that's not the fault of the actors(except for Orlando Bloom, who now rivals Keanu Reeves in coma-inducing acting parts) because of the horrid script.

3. The action scenes aren't that great. Most of the war stuff is a big orgy of mass confusion and chaos. It tried to be LOTR in this department and failed.

4. The Kung Pow close-up sequence that managed to focus in on just about every character introduced in the flick so far that wasn't going to be fighting(complete with music). I'll have to admit that this part in the movie had me laughing for a full 5 minutes. Yes, I got looks from people.

There's more....

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But I did like a couple things....

1. Nathan Jones died.

2. The fight between The Hulk and Tyler Durden had some pretty cool little moves in it. Namely the part where one of them dodged a sword strike by lifting his leg up.

3. The scene where the leader of Troy sneaks down to Brad Pitt's tent and requests his son's body was fantastic.


So, those are some of my thoughts. As the Human Torch would say....Flame on.

*1/2 or (3.5/10)