No banter, no comments, just post a joke :)

Preferably a funny one.

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Three nuns all died in a car wreck together and ended up at the Pearly Gates. There they met St. Peter and he says to them, "Well, I can only let you in after I test you. I'll have to ask each of you a question."

The nuns agree and St. Peter turns to the first one and asks: What was the name of the first woman on earth?

"Oh that's easy. Eve." The first nun says. She got it right and St Peter motions her on into heaven.

To the second nun he asks: Where did Adam and Eve live in the beginning?

"I know this one. It's The Garden of Eden." The second nun is correct so she too is allowed into the heaven.

Down to the last nun and St Peter tells her. "I have to ask you a really hard question, since your the Mother Superior."

"Alright. I'm ready." She tells him.

Her question is this: What were the first words Eve said to Adam after they ate the serpent's apple?

The nun thought about it for awhile, then shook her head. "Wow, that IS a hard one."

"That's it." St Peter motions her on into Heaven. "You got it right."

I heard the toadstools had a party.
Yeah, there wasn't mushroom, but it's OK, they're fungis.

So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says "Hey, what's that steering wheel doing in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Arrgh. It's driving me nuts."


***

So two guys are in a forest, and they come to this massive hole in the ground. The first guy picks up a rock and chucks it in. They wait a few seconds and never hear it hit the bottom. So they get a bigger rock and throw it in. Still nothing. Finally both of them find a massive boulder, and with all their strength roll it in. They wait a few seconds, and still nothing. All of a sudden a goat runs out of the forest going faster than anything they've ever seen. The goat dives straight into the hole. The two men are awe-stricken, but there was nothing they could do.

A few minutes later, a farmer comes by and says "You boys seen my goat anywhere?"

One of the men replies, 'Well this goat just ran out of the forest and dove into that big hole over there."

The farmer replies, "Nah, that couldn't have been my goat. I tied mine to a big'ol rock."

And it came to pass that an angel came up to three newly-dead men and said - "You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly."

The angel looked at the first guy, Dave, and said- "You, Dave, were a bad man in life. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat-up Dodge."

The angel next looked at the second guy, Jon, and said- "You were not as sinful, but you still cheated on your wife twice. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota station wagon."

The angel finally looked at our hero, Sam, and said- "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife. For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari."

A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari. There he is, sitting on the bonnet, his head in his hands, crying.

"What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You're set forever! Why so down?"

Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth, and said, "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard."

What did one vampire lesbian say to the other?

A) See ya next month! ;3

What do you call a dog with no back legs and steel balls?

- Sparky.

A couple went to church, but the wife brought her knitting needles because she knew it's going to be boring for it's a q & A service. So they sat down and a man got up and asked, "who created the heavens and the earth?" The wife accidentally poked her husband and he leaped up and yelled, "GOD!" Embarrassed, he quietly sat down and the pastor thanked him for his answer. Next, a woman got up and asked, "Who died on the cross to pay for our sins?" The wife again accidentally poked her husband. He again leaped and yelled, "JESUS CHRIST!" He again sat down and the pastor thanked him for his answer. Then a man got up and asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she wanted to stop having kids?” For a third time, the wife accidentally poked her husband, and for a third time he leaped up, and he then yelled, "IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME I'LL CHOP IT OFF!"

I have to explain this joke to a lot of people after I tell it:

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken rolls over to the egg and says "Well that answers *that* question."

Properly its:

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette and looking content while the egg is lying there cross looking.

Then the egg says "Well I guess we know who came first."

Chuck Norris once killed eight people in four minutes. When Chuck Norris doesn't want girlscout cookies, Chuck Norris doesn't want girlscout cookies!

(By the way, this was my 666th post)