This is the third of my Trazu fics.
***
Chapter 1: Memories
Sparks flew up, dancing an angry dance before fading from existence when he added another log to the fire. The orange flames danced their own dance, their light casting odd shadows in the night. But the dance did little to sooth his heart, failed to chase away the memories that kept insisting on plaguing his mind no matter how hard he tried to push them away. The fire’s warmth failed to drive away the chill of sorrow that had seeped so deeply into his very soul. The dancing fire seemed to take the shape of the scenes of his recent past as they played in his mind…
~~~
“I just found out…you’re going to be a daddy.” She purred.
His eyes snapped open and he pulled away to look at her with a questioning look. She just smiled broadly and nodded in confirmation. It took a moment to sink in fully, but when it did he gave a cry of joy and hugged her tightly. He didn’t think he could be any happier then he was right then…
~~~
Things had been going so well for him, his life finally truly complete. He had found love, discovered his origins, found his family, and was set to start one of his own.
~~~
He shook his head at her, frustrated but couldn’t help but smile. His lifemate, recently having gone into labor, was obviously confused on where to go and what needed to be done.
“Tzosha…the shower is ‘not’ a nesting pit…” He said.
Tzosha, her mind completely in the nesting trance, could only give him a confused look.
~~~
So eager was he to be a father, ready to jump into the task of fatherhood head first. Perhaps, a little to eager…
~~~
He gave a cry of protest as Varcanna dragged him away, struggling against her insistent pull away from his mate..
“I know you are eager brother.” Varcanna said, finally having to resort to tucking the much smaller Trazu under her arm: talk about humiliating. “But poor Tzosha needs some breathing space, ziss…a ‘break’ from a certain eager father’s-to-be. Besides, it’ll do you good to go out every once in a while now while you still can: you won’t have so much freedom to do as you wish once the eggs hatch from what I hear…”
Trazu, feeling insulted, could only fold his arms and sulk.
~~~
They would have been perfect parents, he and Tzosha, he was sure of it. He couldn’t help but be a bit paranoid about his children’s future, so he had Tzosha lay her eggs at the Hospital on the Clan grounds: there would be no safer place for her. But fate disagreed…
~~~
Alarms blared. The sound of blaster fire and various melee weapons clashing was all around. The Clan was under attack, but even caught off guard as they were, they were a formidable foe. He had helped his Clan slay many of the intruders, before their attackers gave up and fled. It was a great victory, a testament of the Clan’s strength: even surprised, the K’Satikur Clan could defeat all foes. Just as they were starting to celebrate however…
“Trazu! One of the intruders had managed to penetrate the nursery!” A warrior said.
“What!?” Trazu cried, grabbing the warrior by the shoulders. “How far....”
“Some how made it all the way to Tzosha’s nesting chamber.” The warrior reported. “But the idiot seriously miscalculated his chances: she ripped his throat out before he could do any real damage. The eggs are fine and she only suffered a couple of minor cuts.”
Not satisfied with the warrior’s testimony, he ran to the nursery to see for himself. To his relief the warrior was right: his beloved and eggs were fine. It was puzzling though, that the assailant only had a small dagger for a weapon. He decided it had to be extreme stupidity on the deceased’s part: there was nothing more dangerous and deadly then a nesting female T’Doshok.
~~~
Oh how…how did he not know before? How was it he didn’t know the danger, the threat to her life? It could have been prevented…
~~~
Her injuries refused to heal, minor as they were. At first they thought it was an infection, but as she became weaker and the antibiotics failed to work, it became clear it was something much more sinister.
“She’s been poisoned.” The doctor said grimly.
“Well…what are you waiting for?” Trazu snapped, irate and fearful for Tzosha’s life. “Cure her!”
The doctor lowered his eyes. “We can’t…”
“What…WHY!?”
“This poison is so new on the market that there’s no known cure and as fast as she is fading…I’m afraid we wouldn’t find a cure in time. The best we can do is ensure she’s comfortable during her final moments…I’m sorry.”
~~~
A tear, a lonely tear, dripped from his chin and made a mini dust cloud when it landed on the ground. It would have been bad enough if she had been killed instantly, but to be forced to watch her literally wither away was torture….
~~~
She looked like a grey old T’Doshok, her body dangerously thin and her flesh hanging loosely off her frame: she was only in her twenties, what should have been the prime of her life. When she still had strength in her limbs she had stubbornly refused to leave the nest, her instincts telling her that was more important then anything else. Even when she was no longer strong enough to support herself, she struggled to stay with the eggs, fighting the doctors as best she could as carried her to a hospital bed. It was only until her very last moments that she snapped out of her nesting trance and realized she was dying. The poison by now had robbed her of the ability to speak and Trazu only knew she was out of the trance by the look of genuine fear in her eyes. Trazu held her close, comforting her and brushing away her tears until she finally breathed her last, her suffering finally over.
~~~
He never felt so devastated before, so grief stricken, so helpless. He knew now why most of his people avoided becoming so close with other, for when they died it ripped gaping holes in your heart, holes that may never heal. Pride deemed it necessary to keep his feelings of grief to himself, not confiding in his family, though he wasn’t so silent about other feelings.
~~~
”Stop blaming yourself.” Varcanna said as she gently adjusted the eggs. She had volunteered to take over the egg watching duties until they hatched. “No one could’ve possibly known…”
“I should have!” Trazu snapped. “I’ve known when things were about to happen before, things that might have killed me long ago. I’ve known before when Tzosha was in danger but I didn’t this time…when I should have!” He sobbed. “I failed her…”
~~~
Yes, that’s all he was. A failure. A runt. A weakling. In his mind Tzosha didn’t have to die, but did because he failed to realize she was in trouble. She didn’t deserve him…they didn’t deserve him…
~~~
For the first time in over a month he felt a tinge of happiness: the eggs were hatching and he was there to welcome the little ones to the world.
The first was a yellow ochre scaled, gold eyed, little male. He could tell this one was going to be stubborn and mischievous. He named him Trissan.
The second was another male, a spitting image of Trazu himself, if only slightly darker in the scale. His laid back and gentle tendencies already evident, Trazu named him Silonik.
Two girls followed shortly after Silonik. One was pale green in color, with yellow eyes. The other was yellow ochre scaled with a rare eye trait: red with a yellow ring around the iris. Praska and Kyrtha, respectfully, became their names
The final egg hatched, revealing another female. Trazu stopped short in picking her up when the resemblance became evident.
“Tzosha…no…” He muttered, the memories of his departed mate flooding his mind. Staring at this hatchling he was reminded of how he failed to protect her mother. Unable to handle the fresh onslaught of grief that was assaulting his mind, he fled the nesting chamber.
~~~
He crushed his eyes closed and buried his head in his arms, a wave of guilt and grief flooding him anew. He knew it was it was wrong to run away, to come all the way back to Talus, not heeding any calls, ignoring any messages from his family. There was no going back now though, how could his family forgive him for what he did? How could his children forgive him?
He had failed them all. He failed as a husband, failed as a father, failed as a K’Satikur.
Failed as a Trandoshan.
***
Chapter 1: Memories
Sparks flew up, dancing an angry dance before fading from existence when he added another log to the fire. The orange flames danced their own dance, their light casting odd shadows in the night. But the dance did little to sooth his heart, failed to chase away the memories that kept insisting on plaguing his mind no matter how hard he tried to push them away. The fire’s warmth failed to drive away the chill of sorrow that had seeped so deeply into his very soul. The dancing fire seemed to take the shape of the scenes of his recent past as they played in his mind…
~~~
“I just found out…you’re going to be a daddy.” She purred.
His eyes snapped open and he pulled away to look at her with a questioning look. She just smiled broadly and nodded in confirmation. It took a moment to sink in fully, but when it did he gave a cry of joy and hugged her tightly. He didn’t think he could be any happier then he was right then…
~~~
Things had been going so well for him, his life finally truly complete. He had found love, discovered his origins, found his family, and was set to start one of his own.
~~~
He shook his head at her, frustrated but couldn’t help but smile. His lifemate, recently having gone into labor, was obviously confused on where to go and what needed to be done.
“Tzosha…the shower is ‘not’ a nesting pit…” He said.
Tzosha, her mind completely in the nesting trance, could only give him a confused look.
~~~
So eager was he to be a father, ready to jump into the task of fatherhood head first. Perhaps, a little to eager…
~~~
He gave a cry of protest as Varcanna dragged him away, struggling against her insistent pull away from his mate..
“I know you are eager brother.” Varcanna said, finally having to resort to tucking the much smaller Trazu under her arm: talk about humiliating. “But poor Tzosha needs some breathing space, ziss…a ‘break’ from a certain eager father’s-to-be. Besides, it’ll do you good to go out every once in a while now while you still can: you won’t have so much freedom to do as you wish once the eggs hatch from what I hear…”
Trazu, feeling insulted, could only fold his arms and sulk.
~~~
They would have been perfect parents, he and Tzosha, he was sure of it. He couldn’t help but be a bit paranoid about his children’s future, so he had Tzosha lay her eggs at the Hospital on the Clan grounds: there would be no safer place for her. But fate disagreed…
~~~
Alarms blared. The sound of blaster fire and various melee weapons clashing was all around. The Clan was under attack, but even caught off guard as they were, they were a formidable foe. He had helped his Clan slay many of the intruders, before their attackers gave up and fled. It was a great victory, a testament of the Clan’s strength: even surprised, the K’Satikur Clan could defeat all foes. Just as they were starting to celebrate however…
“Trazu! One of the intruders had managed to penetrate the nursery!” A warrior said.
“What!?” Trazu cried, grabbing the warrior by the shoulders. “How far....”
“Some how made it all the way to Tzosha’s nesting chamber.” The warrior reported. “But the idiot seriously miscalculated his chances: she ripped his throat out before he could do any real damage. The eggs are fine and she only suffered a couple of minor cuts.”
Not satisfied with the warrior’s testimony, he ran to the nursery to see for himself. To his relief the warrior was right: his beloved and eggs were fine. It was puzzling though, that the assailant only had a small dagger for a weapon. He decided it had to be extreme stupidity on the deceased’s part: there was nothing more dangerous and deadly then a nesting female T’Doshok.
~~~
Oh how…how did he not know before? How was it he didn’t know the danger, the threat to her life? It could have been prevented…
~~~
Her injuries refused to heal, minor as they were. At first they thought it was an infection, but as she became weaker and the antibiotics failed to work, it became clear it was something much more sinister.
“She’s been poisoned.” The doctor said grimly.
“Well…what are you waiting for?” Trazu snapped, irate and fearful for Tzosha’s life. “Cure her!”
The doctor lowered his eyes. “We can’t…”
“What…WHY!?”
“This poison is so new on the market that there’s no known cure and as fast as she is fading…I’m afraid we wouldn’t find a cure in time. The best we can do is ensure she’s comfortable during her final moments…I’m sorry.”
~~~
A tear, a lonely tear, dripped from his chin and made a mini dust cloud when it landed on the ground. It would have been bad enough if she had been killed instantly, but to be forced to watch her literally wither away was torture….
~~~
She looked like a grey old T’Doshok, her body dangerously thin and her flesh hanging loosely off her frame: she was only in her twenties, what should have been the prime of her life. When she still had strength in her limbs she had stubbornly refused to leave the nest, her instincts telling her that was more important then anything else. Even when she was no longer strong enough to support herself, she struggled to stay with the eggs, fighting the doctors as best she could as carried her to a hospital bed. It was only until her very last moments that she snapped out of her nesting trance and realized she was dying. The poison by now had robbed her of the ability to speak and Trazu only knew she was out of the trance by the look of genuine fear in her eyes. Trazu held her close, comforting her and brushing away her tears until she finally breathed her last, her suffering finally over.
~~~
He never felt so devastated before, so grief stricken, so helpless. He knew now why most of his people avoided becoming so close with other, for when they died it ripped gaping holes in your heart, holes that may never heal. Pride deemed it necessary to keep his feelings of grief to himself, not confiding in his family, though he wasn’t so silent about other feelings.
~~~
”Stop blaming yourself.” Varcanna said as she gently adjusted the eggs. She had volunteered to take over the egg watching duties until they hatched. “No one could’ve possibly known…”
“I should have!” Trazu snapped. “I’ve known when things were about to happen before, things that might have killed me long ago. I’ve known before when Tzosha was in danger but I didn’t this time…when I should have!” He sobbed. “I failed her…”
~~~
Yes, that’s all he was. A failure. A runt. A weakling. In his mind Tzosha didn’t have to die, but did because he failed to realize she was in trouble. She didn’t deserve him…they didn’t deserve him…
~~~
For the first time in over a month he felt a tinge of happiness: the eggs were hatching and he was there to welcome the little ones to the world.
The first was a yellow ochre scaled, gold eyed, little male. He could tell this one was going to be stubborn and mischievous. He named him Trissan.
The second was another male, a spitting image of Trazu himself, if only slightly darker in the scale. His laid back and gentle tendencies already evident, Trazu named him Silonik.
Two girls followed shortly after Silonik. One was pale green in color, with yellow eyes. The other was yellow ochre scaled with a rare eye trait: red with a yellow ring around the iris. Praska and Kyrtha, respectfully, became their names
The final egg hatched, revealing another female. Trazu stopped short in picking her up when the resemblance became evident.
“Tzosha…no…” He muttered, the memories of his departed mate flooding his mind. Staring at this hatchling he was reminded of how he failed to protect her mother. Unable to handle the fresh onslaught of grief that was assaulting his mind, he fled the nesting chamber.
~~~
He crushed his eyes closed and buried his head in his arms, a wave of guilt and grief flooding him anew. He knew it was it was wrong to run away, to come all the way back to Talus, not heeding any calls, ignoring any messages from his family. There was no going back now though, how could his family forgive him for what he did? How could his children forgive him?
He had failed them all. He failed as a husband, failed as a father, failed as a K’Satikur.
Failed as a Trandoshan.