The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940.Terrorists have
been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been
used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender"
and "Collaborate."
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". New
Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia
will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!, "I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation
level.
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940.Terrorists have
been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been
used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender"
and "Collaborate."
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". New
Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia
will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!, "I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation
level.
